How to respond to love bombing

[truthseeker4life]

I am the scapegoat, the truth teller in a family led by a malignant covert narcissistic mom.

I am extremely low contact as they are all abusive to me and why wouldn't they be since I am labeled as all bad by my mom.

3 years ago at age 40 plus I finally stood up to my mom. I dared tell her how her abusive behavior affected me and I wanted her to stop. I made the mistake of giving her that ammo and ever since she has been ignoring me and I am uninvited to most family events (though without any real reconciliation I wouldn't want to go if invited). She has been doing even more of what I told her hurt me. She has smeared my name to all who will listen.

So my older sister who is also most likely narcissistic (she recently told me I was cheap and how funny it was that she stole from me for years as a child without me noticing it!!! I had no clue she had been stealing from me).

Well this sister generally ignores me and leaves me out of things and gets nasty zingers in whenever I do see her.

Today out of the blue she sent me a text that said she loved me, i was important to her and she was glad i was her sister.

How would you respond? What is the healthy way to respond?

I am done eating abuse cake with I love you icing from my family of origin!!!

I wanted to say you sure don't act like it. Love is seen in action.

Or when you are willing to have a real conversation with me about being accountable for your behavior and changing it - call me.

But right now my instinct is just saying ignore it.

I feel she is trying to feed me I love you icing and ignore the abuse cake underneath. I fear no real change on her part and this is just flying monkey business for my mom trying to get me back in my old role. I fear being vulnerable emotionally and being further abused.

Thoughts?

[WomanInterrupted]

Your instincts are right - ignore it, delete it and forget about it. 

She obviously wants something - don't give it to her.  Don't play the game.  You're *beyond* the thrall of her personality and words and know they mean nothing when held up to the standard of what she's actually like.

Write your anger out in a journal, or an unsent letter - or MANY of them! - and get your feelings out of your system, without her knowing a thing.  She just wants to use you  against yourself - and you're too smart, savvy and FOG-free to allow her to weaponize you for her own cause, meaning, "SEE how she IS!?  She's STILL so mean and bitter!  She's mentally ill - or on drugs - and she's ALWAYS been jealous, and just can't let go of the past!  Why is she doing this to ME, when I've been nothing but a loving sister!?!" 

Ummmm...bullshit! 

You know the truth.  All she has is a mask, a hall of mirrors and people she's able to snow until they start wising up and walking away - which may be why she's reaching out.

She made her bed.  She can deal with it, live her life, live with the repercussions, ghosting, lost "friendships" - and you have NO obligation to fill any sort of role, or make her appear to others as she sees herself.

Be you.  DO you.   

It just feels better. 

[Summer Sun]

Truthseeker, isn't this exactly what many of us pine for? To be told we are valued and loved?  Our PD's know our vulnerabilities and use them against us. 

Are you familiar with the cycle of abuse?  As well, Push-Pull behaviours? 

IME, Congruency between ones words  and actions is key.

Summer Sun

[xredshoesx]

i love the abuse cake analogy!

memes and stuff like that always get me.  like i'm asking myself 'have we met???' because it so glossed over from the truth.

i agree.  no response is needed, delete and keep it moving forward.  good on you for seeing the manipulation within the message.

[all4peace]

Abuse cake with I love you frosting--thats brilliant!

I'd vote for ignoring.

[scapegoatnumerouno]

Ignore!!!!!  Your story is sooooo much like mine.  The ONLY thing that makes me feel better about all the crap that has been going on my entire life is being NC with all of my FOO and not responding to the once in awhile attempts at contact that they make.  Im just done.  Maybe you are too?

[Blueberry Pancakes]

I think your instincts on how to react to your sister's text are spot on accurate. Do not reply at all. Delete. Do not get pulled under. Yes, I think she is showing you the I Love You icing and hoping you do not notice the rotten Abuse Cake underneath. You are Out of the FOG now. You see exactly what she is trying to do.

Her behavior seems so very typical. In such a message, she does not show awareness or ownership of wrongful behavior. Her message is typical love bombing, and kind of reminds me what you do when you show a treat to your pet and hope he comes over closer to you. To contact you out of the blue likely means her narcissistic reserves are running low and she needs to refuel and she wants it from you.  You gave her good supply before and she wants to try to get more again.  You do not owe this to her. You do not owe her any response at all. Take care of yourself since you are your first priority. Trust your instincts because they seem very accurate.   

[Froggy]

Just suggesting another response, if  it feels right for you. Last time I was love bombed, I sent a very brief reply saying I didn't want to see her. I had to get my DH to write most of it, as I found it really hard not to get hoovered up - they sure know how to press the right buttons. I said to DH that the point was to make her go away and not try again, which it did, except for one snippy and abusive reply. My email was polite and brief - I wanted a normal person to be able to read it and say "fair enough, it's clear she wants no contact " and for her to read it and understand "I can't make her do what I want," I needed her to hear my 'no.'  Just a suggestion. Otherwise I'd probably agree with other posters for you to ignore. Ignoring just didn't seem right in my case.
I understand how tough withstanding love bombing can be. Hope you find your path through this.