Well, I found a new T. Who immediately, on hearing my story (and without prompting from me), said: Sounds like your H has PD. Possibly BPD, though of course I can't diagnose him just from talking to you.
I've been lurking here for over a year now, talking to another T. Whining to friends and family. Not taking any real steps. Am stopped by fear. New T is out of town for a few weeks, unfortunately. He suggests that instead of going on vacation with my uPD-dADHD H, that I tell him that I am going to go on vacation alone or with a friend.
Last year after we came back from vacation, he raged at me about how it wasn't HIS vacation and that he is "saddled" with taking care of the dogs (he won't kennel them) and being anxious about the dogs the entire time (in addition to our never getting out of the house before 1 pm every day because he has to sit and chat with his internet friends for hours first).
This year, I brought up that he didn't enjoy himself last year and maybe we should just not go. He said, No, I don't want to take your vacation away from you. But you have to understand I will have mood swings.
I told the new T that I don't want to go on vacation with the uPDH--T said, so, go alone. Go with friends. What's the worse that can happen--the H threatens suicide again?
I can't get past my fear of triggering the uPDH by telling him this is what I want to do. Suggestions?
I feel for you. That fear can be so petrifying. Sometimes when I found something just too scary to say, I did it in writing. It was still very scary but not quite as much as saying it to the face.
I guess I'll just work up to it. He is in a 'considerate' mood right now because I went to the T yesterday and have been in an I'm not taking any **** anymore kind of mood. (Not that I've expressed it, but he can read every nuance of how I feel--it's both creepy and irritating)