Successful smear campaign against me

[Houstorm]

Hi there.  Today is a landmark moment for me as it marks the day when the last blood relative who still had contact with me has ostracized me.  I feel a mix of emotions:
1. painful rejection and depression- familiar feeling from FOO
2. Anger- because the BBB behavior from uPD mom where I came Out of the FOG (4 years ago) did not in any way involve my extended family who lives overseas, yet they have shown their true colors and want to punish and control me with silent treatment.

The urge to block my cousins in all forms of communication is strong, but I know this is me being reactive so I'll sit on the idea for a while.

It's just so painful and I truly don't understand.  If my cousin chose to distance herself from her parents, I would respect her choice and it wouldn't affect my relationship with her.

This was building up, as our relationship was always one sided.  I made the phone calls, she never called me. I sent thoughtful cards for birthdays and holidays, she texted.  When my father passed away, she sent me a two line text. That felt really shitty as I was grieving and could have used support.

My uPD mom, the nexus in the group, spent 4+ months overseas in the old country just now, so she had plenty of time to visit all the relatives and smear me.  Clearly, mom is a master of her craft, like a spider weaving a web.

This is the first year that instead of sending a card, I texted my cousin to wish her a happy 40th birthday.  I didn't receive a response.

Good luck to you all on your journeys.  The truth hurts sometimes but now I know not to waste any more time or energy on people who don't care about me.  Take care of you!

[Psuedonym]

Houstorm,

On the one hand, I am very sorry that you've lost your last contact with your FOO. On the other hand, I'm happy that you are free of them, because you know what, f$#% em. You deserve so much better than doing all the work in a one-sided relationship when their end consists of sending you a haiku of a text when your dad dies. You deserve so much better than that, and if they all want to sit around and listen to the bullshit your mother is shoveling, then that's a pretty sad state of affairs for them.

Spend your time and energy on the people who invest their time and energy on you. We all get it here and we're proud of you for standing up for yourself.

[Houstorm]

Thank you so much, Pseudonym.

[moglow]

Houstorm, there's no excuse for their behavior but I suppose there's small comfort in confirmation of the obvious. People's judgements are always about them and their stuff, nothing to do with the object of the judgement. I know, small comfort in those words. It's just dismaying when people feel determined to show their true colors.

[Houstorm]

Thanks, Moglow.  Yesterday I blocked my cousins and aunt on WhatsApp, email, and phone.  I worried that this was an immature revenge move, but after it was done I felt lighter, relieved and happy.  I'm still so sad about the loss of my FOO, but I realize that nothing positive will come my way from my aunt and cousins, and I have enough on my plate.  I'm focusing on being a better person, being a good mom, wife, and friend to the few people who are real friends.  Happy thanksgiving to you!

[moglow]

I dont see it as immature or revenge at all. It's self preservation and probably long overdue.
Have yourself a happy peaceful Thanksgiving - and looks towards the GOOD things around you!