In the PD's Mind...

[vanillasea]

I've been on here in another name and was going through an extremely tense time.

Emotionally the hardest and best time of my life considering I am breaking free.

During the depths of the darkness - a friend was suggested to me out of a tight inner circle of women.

I was told I could trust this person - and I really needed that ability to lay it all bare before someone - so...I did.

First rattle out - she supported me, had her husband doing the same and said "Yeah, he's got to go!"

Slowly slowly - while I'm in an extremely fragile place - I couldn't quite put my finger on it and chalked it up to my other nightmare bleeding into this "trusted" friendship. One moment she is affirming me and the next, siding with PD and telling me it could all get better - after just telling me there is no way for reconciliation and to 'teach him a lesson.' I then said this is not a lesson I am trying to teach - I'm trying to learn for myself.

She kept insisting I "needed" someone to talk to - so talk I did. She was silent for hour long phone calls. Which felt a lot like HIM - which gave me pause.

I just want to lay out the series of events and expose this behavior - as this could have been detrimental to my mental health but I was able to see through it in time.

1. We are in a group that adheres to a set of rules of conduct (I believe PD's LOVE these groups because they know the rules and it makes for an easy group to manipulate and garner supply from. Prayer requests? AMAZING JUICE.) I now know to not throw caution to the wind because people have given their word to behave. Words to a PD mean something different moment to moment. It is their actions that count! As I am getting a lot of support in this group due to my recent traumatic series of events and her life is as she puts it "boring" - I have become a target. I am stealing her supply. Her "shy" act isn't getting her any attention because people have been more concerned with helping me. When she entered before me - it was all about getting her fiance who dumped her - to come back to her - and she used this group to console her - and now she is married ------ BORED.

2. I am in distress - she swoops in and says she has a special ability to help. (Actually, that she WAS a narcissist but the Lord healed her - and now she is with her love).

3. Gathers all intel on what makes me tick - what I am most afraid of and what I hope for the future. (Knows I am wounded by being abandoned on my birthday)***.

4. Tests my morals by making 'jokes' and seeing if I take bait. When I hold on to them - this is almost met with disgust, but I am told what a good soul I am. But then I am also told how strong headed and "direct" I am... in a "Well, you know how *you* can be," type of way.

I should add - several times after speaking - I look like this 

5. (I can't prove this part - but I am certain it is at this point the smear campaign is in full effect).

6. When talking - it is either hours and hours of time like I am all that exists - or she disappears for a few days and asks if I was upset that she was busy. If we get deep, she says "BRB" and disappears for a while and then changes the subject.

7. A trip was planned where everyone would go. Right before the trip she did not speak to me for a week. She said she needed the week to spend focusing on her husband and hoped I understand. Of course?! So when I don't bother her the entire week - she comes back and asks what is wrong and what changed between us. I told her I was handling her the way she asked and respecting her time and now that she was back I could see that she doesn't really give me any information about herself and that I was past my point of crisis and would wait until she wanted to do her part in the friendship which is share some of her life with me. To this she asked "wait, are you treating me like you do your PD?" To which I said well, in a way I guess I am - but by that I just mean I don't want to be the only one contributing. She left me alone again a few days. Then came back and said she wanted to fix this and was irritated. When I said she didn't share - she said "Well, you never asked." So I said "Well, I don't want to pry - you're very private." She says "Just trying to be modest." And I say "Well, maybe I should be more modest." She says "NO! You're going through a lot and I'm not - You NEED someone to talk to." And also continues to tell me I'm the best friend she has been waiting for. (Yeah, I bet.)

So I thought we fixed a "misunderstanding." To which, there were many, many misunderstandings from day one - which she attributes to just being 'dumb.' (Because she is just *so* humble.)

She also wanted it to be kept a secret that she was going on the trip - But because we were staying together (her idea) with another friend - I was set up because when I got to tell the others I was coming - I had to either lie to them or tell them who I was staying with. So she tells me I blew the surprise.

I said sorry I'm not good at secrets and I was feeling horrible for messing it up - and I said I didn't realize it was a secret - she said "No I just don't want the extra attention, so trying to keep it quiet that I will be there." So I said "Well, that will make it a bigger deal than just saying yes I'm coming." she gets irritated.


On the trip - She is fine when we all arrive - but when I am getting attention from the others and now suddenly she falls very ill and has to go get masks.

I had wanted to go see a landmark and she had told me before the trip that it wasn't what our trip was for. So I felt weird about it but one of the other friends asked if we wanted to go do something touristy and I told her yes - and she had the trip thrown together and was excited. So we go. And once we get there to see what I want to see - NOW this illness comes to light. And she just "isn't into it. Not her kind of thing."

But I enjoy with the other friend. SO I think the sickness was attention getting.

Then the whole trip she uses this illness to mess with my head. One minute she is off with others but suddenly sick again. They did not get a car but I did and she would orchestrate it to leave me all alone and hitch rides with others - but then when I made plans of my own - now suddenly she expects a ride from me to where she needs to be.

And then left me alone again another point and the other friend told me that she insisted on coming along - so I feel betrayed because guess where they are going?! TO THE LANDMARK that just "WASN'T HER THING." But then when we get back to the hotel  on this last night - she claims she didn't want to go - that the other lady forced her to go and it was so 'akward.'

NO TELLING WHAT SHE HAS SAID ABOUT ME.

I got home wondering about this friendship...and what is so strange. When she looks at people she stares at them like nobody else exists. I'm not a big fan of eye contact so this means little to me....but it does get people hooked.


8. After the trip I am so exhausted for our meeting and she starts telling me I should skip the meeting and just get rested.

(BTW - her husband is constantly ill and she is constantly researching his health)

I of course don't want to miss the meeting. But it is a snag in my brain - why would she say that?!

9. Right before my birthday she acts like she is going to fly down and see me and is so excited for my special day. But a whole life surrounded by PDs - I know better than to have high hopes on my bday. She is now constantly standing up for PD saying at least he is being sooo nice now. WHAT?!?!

10. Now it is my birthday - and she has sent me a cheap card and a few stickers (cheap junk with zero thought) - And then we knew my Ex would say something to me and then when it happens - she makes it like I am being ungrateful that he is out of my life and I'm giving him 'power' over me.

I told her "I'm not sure you were a full blown narcissist before if you don't understand the games he is playing."

Her next message is chilling "But I do understand the games he is playing and why he plays them."

Then gives me a drive-by Judas. Tells me she will be praying for me but has to go now - her husband needs dinner on the table.

And then CRICKETS now for two days.

I have to see this person tonight. I am absolutely disgusted.

It did really upset me on my birthday - but not because I'm upset over losing her - but because I realize the INTENT she had to destroy me on my birthday - and now realizing how much damage she has been doing behind my back.

One of the friends actually side-barred me and said she had an immediate response to meeting this one that she woulnd't get along with her but quickly realized she was wrong. Why did she tell me that? Did this person tell her something? OR did this person confide in me their red flag and wonder how I felt?

Also - There is a course we all take and this girl isn't even finished with it - but kept pressing to be the one to be my instructor - but the boss said no SHE wants to teach me and I'd have to wait for this girl to finish. And then when this girl got told no - she told me - well after your lessons just call me and I'll teach you what she leaves out.


LIKE....WHAT CAN I DO?!?!?

If I try to expose her - she has likely laid all the groundwork to frame it like I'm being overly sensitive because of what happened to me.