Recent posts
#1
Dealing with PD Parents / Re: new development: non-PD si...
Last post by sunshine702 - Today at 11:43:29 AMThe grandiose big vacation house fantasy.
My Narc mom did that. There was a Narc injury (golden grandchild who was a toddler could not come to the cliff side (literally) one hour wedding vows ceremony. It was just too dangerous. Adults only. Everyone else was welcome at the reception!
Well Narc mom took that slight and tried to plan a "family reunion/ FAMILY reunion at this vacation cabin just after. My husband and I (FAMILY) were not invited lol.
Narcs RUIN all trips with their games.
Uhug yuck.
My Narc mom did that. There was a Narc injury (golden grandchild who was a toddler could not come to the cliff side (literally) one hour wedding vows ceremony. It was just too dangerous. Adults only. Everyone else was welcome at the reception!
Well Narc mom took that slight and tried to plan a "family reunion/ FAMILY reunion at this vacation cabin just after. My husband and I (FAMILY) were not invited lol.
Narcs RUIN all trips with their games.
Uhug yuck.
#2
Celebrating Ourselves / Re: I bought a psychic session
Last post by sunshine702 - Today at 11:03:01 AMThis was my third time ever doing it. I did a pet psychic with two of my beloved doggies that passed. It was my Christmas Gift to myself this year. Oh each time I felt like it was the best darn money I have EVER spent! Just like their subtle gas lighting is powerful. Maybe I am incapable you start to believe or maybe I am being dramatic and they are not betraying me.
Nope I learned I was dead right and to trust that! I feel 1000 percent stronger! I told my father in law that I liked him. He liked me too. I felt that. He was worried about his son not leaning into me. That was the "you take care of her comment"
Oh the best — apparently he did not trust his wife in the end — he knew she would be a greedy Narc schemer. He was trying to tell me about some papers hidden in the shop some sort of rough will. Sadly I don't think I can get to it
The dreams have stopped.
And I dreamed of my recently passed dog sitting smiling in front of my new apartment door 😢
Honestly it was better than therapy ten fold for me!
Nope I learned I was dead right and to trust that! I feel 1000 percent stronger! I told my father in law that I liked him. He liked me too. I felt that. He was worried about his son not leaning into me. That was the "you take care of her comment"
Oh the best — apparently he did not trust his wife in the end — he knew she would be a greedy Narc schemer. He was trying to tell me about some papers hidden in the shop some sort of rough will. Sadly I don't think I can get to it
The dreams have stopped.
And I dreamed of my recently passed dog sitting smiling in front of my new apartment door 😢
Honestly it was better than therapy ten fold for me!
#3
Celebrating Ourselves / Re: I bought a psychic session
Last post by escapingman - Today at 10:51:13 AMThat is great sunshine, step out into the unknown. I have got into the spiritual following my divorce to uNPDxw, I believe meeting her was meant to be to waken me up and get free of the shackles of my FOO. I have been thinking of trying a psychic, but to scared to actually go ahead and book one.
Your post is encouraging for me, thanks for sharing and keep on the good work.
Your post is encouraging for me, thanks for sharing and keep on the good work.
#4
Chosen Relationships / Re: Question about Malintent
Last post by Tryingtounderstand - Today at 10:27:36 AMI am having a tough time today. This coming Sunday marks three weeks since i left my home. I have not spoken to my SO since i left except for a brief text regarding work being done to the outside of the home. I have not reached out and neither has she. The only pseudo communication has been through the use social media with relationship memes. She knows i see these things and this was a tool used in the last split which i wholeheartedly fell for. I am in a state of doubt about leaving the relationship. A part of me feels like I'm doing the wrong thing and giving up and the other part feels just. I try to look at the bright side of a better future but don't know if its with or without her. I keep looking for that ah ha moment and validation for my decision but i cant seem to find comfort in anything. I guess one of my biggest fears is the "what if" I don't want to make a mistake. My gut tells me its the right thing to do but i feel stuck in doubt. We co own a home together and its a very difficult decision with this in mind. I know people shouldn't stay together for the sake of convenience but i feel everything is such a waste especially when i am not resistant to putting in effort and a desire to grow with this person.
I have to try and reach out soon because this needs to come to a conclusion so we can both move on. She has three children and i have a daughter. My daughter is not currently with me but at her grandmother's. I am currently renting and responsible for half the mortgage until either the house is sold or one of us buys the other out. Its a beautiful home that we got at a great price and low interest which i would hate to see go.
I would like to reach out to her. I feel the time apart has given me the ability to communicate more clearly. Before i was dysregulated and extremely frustrated. In other words i was a "loose cannon"
I want to give her the freedom to speak and be vulnerable with me but i don't know if that is possible. Hope someone might have some insight, thanks
I have to try and reach out soon because this needs to come to a conclusion so we can both move on. She has three children and i have a daughter. My daughter is not currently with me but at her grandmother's. I am currently renting and responsible for half the mortgage until either the house is sold or one of us buys the other out. Its a beautiful home that we got at a great price and low interest which i would hate to see go.
I would like to reach out to her. I feel the time apart has given me the ability to communicate more clearly. Before i was dysregulated and extremely frustrated. In other words i was a "loose cannon"
I want to give her the freedom to speak and be vulnerable with me but i don't know if that is possible. Hope someone might have some insight, thanks
#5
Dealing with PD Parents / Re: new development: non-PD si...
Last post by Jane Doe - Today at 08:53:25 AMGosh, they are all alike aren't they!
I'm sorry things got twisted around on you. You didn't do anything wrong but it appears that the PD person did a bait & Switch on you to make it appear it's your fault. My N mother always makes it someone's fault but never hers.
If I were in your shoes I'd stay away from all of them, not sure if that is good advice or not I'm still new at this but it's what I usually do with mean ppl, I run and hide! 🫣
I'm sorry things got twisted around on you. You didn't do anything wrong but it appears that the PD person did a bait & Switch on you to make it appear it's your fault. My N mother always makes it someone's fault but never hers.
If I were in your shoes I'd stay away from all of them, not sure if that is good advice or not I'm still new at this but it's what I usually do with mean ppl, I run and hide! 🫣
#6
Celebrating Ourselves / Re: I bought a psychic session
Last post by Starboard Song - Today at 08:23:04 AMSometimes we have something we just need to hear. If the words can be put together then it can really happen for us, sort of. I get that. I like that you even throw in, "even if it is hogwash." Yep. Even if. Sometimes we can need an optimistic vision to aspire to.
Go do it. Go make it happen. We believe in you.
Go do it. Go make it happen. We believe in you.
#7
Week 1: Boundaries Make Us Better / Boundaries and the 50% Rule
Last post by Starboard Song - Today at 07:59:36 AMQuote from: moglow on Yesterday at 11:32:02 AMIf we stand there and demand that *others* change, that's not protecting our boundary. That's a tantrum.
My hero Mo just wrote those words in another thread. And it made me think that we should more clearly tie Boundaries to the 50% Rule. The 50% Rule is that -- when not under duress -- we each are responsible for half of what goes on in our relationships. That is: it takes two to tango. If we show up for abuse, if we relent, if we tolerate abuse and appear to expect no better, that's on us.
I think it is important to bring up the 50% Rule because it is such tough medicine, and can be misunderstood. We should never transfer blame and culpability to the innocent, not ever. And the 50% Rule should never be wielded as a cudgel to belittle or mock those of us experiencing current traumas due to some relationship of any sort.
The 50% Rule isn't to blame us: it is to empower us. We retain authority over ourselves. We are empowered and can make strong, hard choices for ourselves. If anyone overlooks the very real duress that applies in life, or tries to make you feel guilty because you now face no good options, they are being mean.
But I come to tell you and remind myself that I am my own person. I will not engage with people who reliably hurt me. I will not continue in any abusive conversation. I will not lower myself to the standards of those with demonstrably low standards.
So back to it: the 50% Rule is tied hand to hand with good and healthy boundaries. Those good and healthy boundaries are things you enforce on yourself, not on others, because you are in charge of YOUR stuff.
Let's go do it.
#8
Dealing with PD Siblings and other Family Members / Re: Dad is in the hospital
Last post by walking on broken glass - Today at 07:05:19 AMGreat now sis is messaging me asking if I have 'five minutes to talk'. I don't want to talk to her but is this cruel, given that she is on her own far away?
#9
Week 1: Boundaries Make Us Better / Re: What Boundaries AREN'T
Last post by moglow - Today at 06:19:14 AMNotright, sometimes that's the option we have. They don't take or buy obvious clues, ignore and disregard direct requests. We deflect and distract to no avail. So we shut down and remove rather than subject ourselves to it. It's still our boundary and we are enforcing it as best we can.
#10
Week 1: Boundaries Make Us Better / Re: What Boundaries AREN'T
Last post by notrightinthehead - Today at 04:43:00 AMBoundaries aren't lists of rules for others to follow. They're quite literally where we leave off and others begin. If we just go around screeching and stomping THIS IS MY BOUNDARY!! nothing has changed. If we stand there and demand that *others* change, that's not protecting our boundary. That's a tantrum.
Totally love that. Sadly, most of my boundary enforcing means that I pull away and remove myself. I wish I had a better way, a way that allowed me to stick around. Maybe couragously let the other person know that I disagree or object at least once before I fade.
Totally love that. Sadly, most of my boundary enforcing means that I pull away and remove myself. I wish I had a better way, a way that allowed me to stick around. Maybe couragously let the other person know that I disagree or object at least once before I fade.