Reverse researching estrangement

[Liketheducks]

I've been NC with my Dad, and VLC with Mom for quite some time.   Dad was physically abusive.   I'm good with not having any access or contact.    Mom was the "good parent".   We were very close until she lived with me and I discovered that she's just as ill as he is, but in different ways.    My brothers and extended family have all cut me off.  It's ok, but sad.   I've got amazing friends and have created a family of people around me in the last few years.   
Because EVERYTHING can be researched on the internet and I know my mom researches like I do.....I googled the "what to do when your adult child is estranged from you".    It was a little validating to read that Mom has done NONE of the things suggested if you want to maintain a relationship or recover one through an estrangement.    Though, that I need that external validation is troubling.   

[FogDawg]

It was a little validating to read that Mom has done NONE of the things suggested if you want to maintain a relationship or recover one through an estrangement.    Though, that I need that external validation is troubling.

There is nothing wrong with seeking validation at points. We are all only human and there will be moments of weakness where doubt begins to creep in and a reminder is necessary. In an ideal world, none of us would even have to worry about this sort of situation in the first place and forums such as this would not need to exist, though that is not the case, sadly.

[overitall]

Hi ducks,

I understand how you feel...I have been NC for almost 10 years...my uNPDf was/is my uBPDm's biggest enabler...after I went NC they have spent the last 10 years smearing me to anyone and everyone who will listen to them...they claim to have "no idea" why I went NC, yet they are very, very aware of my anger/shame/disappointment in the fact that they continually exposed me to a family member who sexually abused me...when I confronted them with this issue, they attempted to deny this, then confirmed this DID happen, only to revert to "they didn't know anything about it". 
If any of my kids ever chose to go NC with me, I can guarantee you that I would do anything and everything to find out why and would make every opportunity under the sun to find out how to repair the relationship....for PD's, however, they don't think this way...they cannot and will not admit to any faults and refuse to take any responsibility for their actions....
I don't think it's unusual that you are still looking for validation--I think in the back of our minds we maintain hope that they may be "normal"...confirmation of PD is painful, yet predictable...take care of you..