General Malaise

[Lauren17]

Does anyone else get physically ill?
Several months ago, I had an ah ha! moment regarding my FOO.  I journaled, used the tools, and worked through. A couple of days later, I woke up achy and fatigued. I called in sick and spent the day napping and watching TV. The next day I was fine.
I had a similar occurrence last week. I think the physical icky results from the emotional work. Has anyone else noticed this?

[Boat Babe]

PD abuse has definitely made me physically ill in the past. Once the person was out of my life, my body was able to heal.

[Hepatica]

I have. When the worst happened between my sister and I, my body broke down and I could barely walk for over a year. I think it was not exactly only due to my conflict with her, but injury from PD's at my workplace, the political realm and all of the conflict witnessed on social media, some that I was on the receiving end of. My cortisol and adrenaline levels must have spiked and caused massive inflammation and my back and neck went out on me for over a year. I was in agony spiritually, emotionally and physically.

Since I've removed myself from that toxic workplace, distanced from my FOO and better managed social media, I am doing pretty good. I get neck pain still, but it is nowhere as bad as how I felt after things devolved between me and uNPD sister.

[DistanceNotDefense]

Hi Lauren17 - my answer is yes, definitely!

I have especially had physical symptoms and malaise like this since taking some huge boundary steps with my family, which is weird to have them *after* that, not during (I think it's part of the grieving process I'm going through, but at least all the anxiety before that went away - the processing of the trauma has just shifted I think.)

My cortisol and adrenaline levels must have spiked and caused massive inflammation and my back and neck went out on me for over a year. I was in agony spiritually, emotionally and physically.

Since I've removed myself from that toxic workplace, distanced from my FOO and better managed social media, I am doing pretty good. I get neck pain still, but it is nowhere as bad as how I felt after things devolved between me and uNPD sister.

And wow Hepatica - I have been having those exact same symptoms you're describing! I think I remember you describing these in another thread and I related to them. I have back, neck, and now recurring migraines I need meds for. It gets so debilitating sometimes I get scared.

This type of stuff and malaise from dealing with toxicity, past trauma, and grief has made me fret at times - I'm very curious to hear others' experiences and if it gets better the more work you do.

[Hepatica]

Distance, I have been suffering terrible migraines too. I never had them before. These have not improved, but I do think that they might be due to turning 50 and that hormonal shift moving toward menopause. Horrible pain and no med seems to work.

[SparkStillLit]

I got ill from all the stress, I think. Of everything going on and PD acting out toward me. I had a mental health breakdown, which I've never experienced.
I have had migraines for almost 30 years, but they have gotten way worse over the last ten, no identifiable cause (snort). I am on two management meds now. They work. Thank heaven. Several months ago, while figuring it out, I had two weeks worth of back to back migraine, every other day. INTOLERABLE.
I'm into whoever says that book, The Body Keeps Score or whatever it's called!!!  I'm quite certain it does, and mine has got a huge tally against me.

[SeaBreeze]

It was chronic pain, depression and subsequent diagnosis of an autoimmune condition, that eventually lead me to sites like Out of the FOG. A friend in-the-know gently suggested my physical symptoms were rooted in abuse-related trauma, and I began investigating from there. I second, third, and fourth anyone who recommends The Body Keeps the Score.

[blacksheep7]

Yes Lauren 17. 

Our body keeps score indeed.  The physical is only responding to our brain/mind.  It is our alert system that something is wrong and has to be dealt with.

I had decades of intermittent  migraines, anxiety and  other symptoms with many tests done and  was also  hospitalized a couple of times.  The last one added to my list was irritable bowel syndrome when I had my ptsd episode before going nc.

These were all stress related to trauma from my pd parents added to  the stress of my life with the  toxic men in my relationships to which I was ill-equiped to deal with.  I was finally diagnosed with generalized anxiety.

If I have a headache today, I know that something is bothering me.

That is why it  is so important to maintain a healthy, calm mental state and environment. 

[Lauren17]

It's interesting how all of our symptoms align.
I've had chronic, "unexplainable," headaches, neck pain, migraines, irritable bowl syndrome on and off for most of my adult life.
The general malaise I was describing seems more a result of letting go of hurts, denial, etc. Like  Distance says, it's strange  they come after an event.
Thanks for the book recommendation. I'll check it out.

[blacksheep7]

It's interesting how all of our symptoms align.
I've had chronic, "unexplainable," headaches, neck pain, migraines, irritable bowl syndrome on and off for most of my adult life.
The general malaise I was describing seems more a result of letting go of hurts, denial, etc. Like  Distance says, it's strange  they come after an event.
Thanks for the book recommendation. I'll check it out.

Your general malaise of letting go is still trauma  imo.

Like DistanceNotDefense said, after putting up boundaries with family.

You go through a rollercoaster of emotions in your healing to which they all have the same common denominator, trauma.   

[DistanceNotDefense]

Distance, I have been suffering terrible migraines too. I never had them before. These have not improved, but I do think that they might be due to turning 50 and that hormonal shift moving toward menopause. Horrible pain and no med seems to work.

That's awful and I'm so sorry you're dealing with that Sumatriptan seems to work for me, plus heating pads, but multiple migraines pop up in a row over several days and I have to use max dose with each and run out of tablets quick....and it happens around that time of the month, so hormonal, too. These are a new experience for me just this year. I hope they don't get worse.

I've been trying to work with some natural/herbal hormone therapy to see if that helps any. Too early to tell....

Several months ago, while figuring it out, I had two weeks worth of back to back migraine, every other day. INTOLERABLE.

Same!

I second, third, and fourth anyone who recommends The Body Keeps the Score.

I fifth them, too. I own the book and started reading, amazing insights thus far, going back to it when I strike others off my reading list....

[Hepatica]

Excuse the medicalese, but just took a look at this research article. This is what they were looking into:

"Stress is a state of threatened homeostasis provoked by a psychological, environmental, or physiological stressor. With rapid development of science and technology, as well as economy and strong social competition, the nature of stress has changed dramatically (Landsbergis, 2003). Stressful events engender multiple neurochemical, neurotransmitter and hormonal alterations by mainly activating the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) and the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis. When stress stimuli are under control, the body responds to these in the physiological way. SNA and HPA axis are woken up to release chemical mediators to protect our body from stress. For instance, catecholamines are elevated to increase heart rate and blood pressure, which help us to fight or flight. This appropriate body reaction was called "allostasis" by Sterling and Eyer (1988). This state is beneficial to our survival and recovery. However, when stress stimuli are prolonged or over exaggerated, in another word, chronically increased allostasis lead to pathophysiology."

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5476783/

Basically I am going to take from this. 
Being around toxic people can potentially make you sick.      Probably why, often the non-disordered partner dies much sooner than the PD partner. Ugh.

We are doing ourselves a big favour by practicing self-care. 

It makes sense to me. Since I've gone NC with my family I don't have those ups and downs and haven't really been thrown into bed because I am so upset by something they've said or done. My body is moving into a stable equilibrium.  FINALLY.

I am finding doing mindfulness meditation helps calm my nervous system, but ... still have the darn headaches.

It might be that I have to move to the mountains and become a Buddhist nun?

[Lauren17]

To all my fellow migraine sufferers, I'm so sorry!
My migraines come once a month as well.
I've had very little luck with those  triptan meds.
Acupuncture has worked the best for me.
I've also tried seed cycling and magnesium supplements with varying effects.
Here's hoping one of those suggestions provide you some relief.

[Lauren17]

Excuse the medicalese, but just took a look at this research article. This is what they were looking into:

"Stress is a state of threatened homeostasis provoked by a psychological, environmental, or physiological stressor. With rapid development of science and technology, as well as economy and strong social competition, the nature of stress has changed dramatically (Landsbergis, 2003). Stressful events engender multiple neurochemical, neurotransmitter and hormonal alterations by mainly activating the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) and the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis. When stress stimuli are under control, the body responds to these in the physiological way. SNA and HPA axis are woken up to release chemical mediators to protect our body from stress. For instance, catecholamines are elevated to increase heart rate and blood pressure, which help us to fight or flight. This appropriate body reaction was called "allostasis" by Sterling and Eyer (1988). This state is beneficial to our survival and recovery. However, when stress stimuli are prolonged or over exaggerated, in another word, chronically increased allostasis lead to pathophysiology."

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5476783/

Basically I am going to take from this. 
Being around toxic people can potentially make you sick.      Probably why, often the non-disordered partner dies much sooner than the PD partner. Ugh.

We are doing ourselves a big favour by practicing self-care. 

It makes sense to me. Since I've gone NC with my family I don't have those ups and downs and haven't really been thrown into bed because I am so upset by something they've said or done. My body is moving into a stable equilibrium.  FINALLY.

I am finding doing mindfulness meditation helps calm my nervous system, but ... still have the darn headaches.

It might be that I have to move to the mountains and become a Buddhist nun?

Hepatica, thank you for sharing. This actually makes a lot of sense to me.
If I've spent the morning running away from a saber toothed tiger and I'm finally safe behind my cave door, the fight or flight chemicals recede and I'm going to be exhausted.
If my FOO is the tiger and my boundaries the cave door, my body will want rest now that I'm safe.
I think the article you posted above talks more about long term stress and it's affects. But it's similar.  More headaches and stomachaches from the long term, maybe?
(Did house caves have doors? )

[Hepatica]

Lauren17, I too tried the triptan meds, and it didn't do much except make me very tired and very very nauseous. I take magnesium daily and I think maybe helping mostly with my sleep but maybe my headaches would be worse if I wasn't taking it?

The saber toothed tiger analogy is right. That's exactly how I'd feel after a visit with my uNPD parents. I'd retreat to my bedroom and lay down for hours until I recovered.

I wonder about the long-term effects of having our fight and flight response kick in, in regards to childhood, and the daily experiences, and how so many of us end up with long-term depression, or fibromyalgia and such. I think it's been said that it's the result of the body being out of balance long-term.

Good thing is, I've really improved in most aspects since I went NC and got out of a very toxic job environment. I wish more people could get themselves out, because it has helped me so much. 

Did house caves have doors? Only the very innovative ones. 

[DistanceNotDefense]

Thank you for sharing that about stress Hepatica!

It might be that I have to move to the mountains and become a Buddhist nun?

That is not a bad idea.

[SparkStillLit]

I live with the damn tiger. Others are nearby.
I am on Trokendi XR 100 daily, and Emaglity which is a monthly injection. Together. Insurance is not springing for either. I'm on the drug dealer program for the Trokendi and samples for the Emgality. Otherwise....every other day. I've failed a few other meds.
WHAT is seed cycling? I have flower seed images stuck in my head now. Seed catalogs! My favorite!!!!

[Andeza]

Oh wow, Spark, I wondered if I was the only one whose eyes darted to the seed catalog on my desk. Glad I'm not alone! Love Baker Creek, full of color photos, just the best to look through!

Immediately before, and then immediately after going NC with my uBPDm I started looking at my health. I wasn't having any big bad problems, just oddball little stuff that was annoying now and then. I even did one of those body balance quizzes online. That thing told me I was actually waaaaay out of balance, which... I didn't feel terribly out of balance. But, you know, hindsight being what it is, I can see how bad it was now as I look back. Of course the biggest thing that helped was the NC, and a great deal of work on myself over the last two years or so. There were other recommendations made by the test, some of them got an eyeroll, but I was happy for an excuse to drink more tea.

I can remember, growing up, long periods of time when I would just crash on the couch day after day after day staring unseeing at the TV while uBPDm sat and melted her brain with whatever. Since I can't remember what she used to watch, I assume that means I was completely tuned out and somewhere else in my own mind. But I had no energy. I was miserable. I was frequently sore and achy in my joints in my TEENS! Sheesh.

As for why do breakthroughs = periods of ill feeling... I have a theory. My theory is that these past traumas exist in our minds almost like a cyst or pocket full of puss and nastiness. (Sorry for the mental image) They sit there, untouched, and until you poke them they don't do anything. But they DO need to heal. And so we poke them. And then they ooze the toxicity, the trauma, the emotions of that particular incident flooding back into our minds and bloodstreams and poisoning us like a bad infection. Takes the body a few days to reconcile, fight it off, and then heal.

If that's the case, then doing everything you would do for a more common physical ailment might help. Rest, liquids, vitamins, sunshine... All of these things can only help our bodies recover more fully and faster. Not saying it'll work every time. Some stuff is just... big and bad and takes time. Much love to you all. It's definitely not an easy journey.

[blacksheep7]

To all my fellow migraine sufferers, I'm so sorry!
My migraines come once a month as well.
I've had very little luck with those  triptan meds.
Acupuncture has worked the best for me.
I've also tried seed cycling and magnesium supplements with varying effects.
Here's hoping one of those suggestions provide you some relief.

I'm  so sorry that you have those migraines, I know how painful it is. 

As a women, I can say we don't have it easy with all the hormonal changes throughout life.

[Call Me Cordelia]

 

My body rebelled against the chronic stress of having back to back family dramas around the birth of one of my children and my thyroid exploded on me. I've had migraines monthly starting from my teenage years. One side benefit of numerous pregnancies and breastfeeding is I got a break from those! Even some autonomic nervous system dysfunction when I was a teenager that subsided when I was out of my parents' house.

I've also had lifelong "body armouring." My muscles are always tense. It's very difficult for me to relax them. When I sit my posture is wound, ready to spring into action. I have never been able to touch my toes even with daily stretching. I've been doing barre and I love it. I highly recommend it, because anyone can do any barre workout regardless of your individual skill level, and it doesn't feel to me like my lack of flexibility hinders me. As you get stronger you are simply able to do the moves with better form.