Sister keeps getting injured but won't get help

[SerenityCat]

As far as I know, she has not had a mental health evaluation. I don't know her mental/physical health diagnoses. I think that she does fit criteria for a personality disorder https://outofthefog.website/personality-disorders-1/2015/12/6/general-criteria-for-a-personality-disorder along with some of the specific types.

But I don't really know her. We are only in email contact after decades of being out of touch.

I don't know if she has another mental disorder. I also don't know if she has substance abuse challenges.

I've been steering our email conversations to weather and pets. Maybe it is just a coincidence - but the more I don't respond to her stories of being injured, the more she tells me in the next email.

Her stories of falling and being injured alarm me. In the past I have told her that I am concerned and that in her situation, I would get medical care.

I don't know whether she is getting medical care, she never writes about any. I believe that she has good health insurance and access to great care.

So ......... maybe she is oblivious to how her email stories sound to me. Maybe she is sorta oblivious in general. Maybe she wants to wind me up?

For awhile I tried doing medical stories with her, I would tell her my own challenges, that I am happy to have good health care etc. But this never results in an actual conversation really. So I've decided to stick to light topics like weather and pets. I don't want to engage in any possible competing health problems game with her. Plus I feel safer if I keep things light and offer less information.

I'm not sure what to do.

I know that I can't make her get help. I know that even trying to convince her to do so is probably too anxiety producing for me. She's an adult. She has the right to make her own choices. And I likely don't have a clue what is really going on in her life.

So I guess my main job is to take good care of myself. Her emails can be triggering for me. So I can take my time responding or even not respond at all.

I'd love to hear from others who have gone through similar things with siblings.

Oh as a side note - I do use all this as a reason to do research on my own. I may not be able to get my sister to get checked out but I can learn about things like fall prevention, healthy aging, etc. 

[Penny Lane]

Hi SerenityCat,
This sounds very frustrating! I understand how it could produce anxiety for you.

I think you're doing a great job of setting boundaries. Another route would be to say something noncommittal like "sounds like a doctor might be able to help you with that!"

But, you said it gives you anxiety to think about doing this. I say you honor that feeling. If she has a PD or fleas or whatever - she may very well be saying this stuff as a way to get your attention. If that's the case, depriving her of that attention might make it stop.

[SerenityCat]

Penny Lane, thank you! Your thoughts are very helpful.

I'm giving myself plenty of time before I respond to her emails now. My own anxiety level needs to come first now, otherwise I'm just repeating an unhelpful pattern.

It's wild to realize how much I've been dysfunctional family trained.  A problematic family member says the equivalent of "Ouch" and I rush in to fix. I'm not a therapist, medical professional, or other expert/authority. I'm not getting paid and besides all this is above my pay grade.

So, it's a habit that I can change. I'm only in email contact with this sister, so I'm not dealing with her day to day in person. I'm the one reflexively jumping when triggered.

I'm going to ignore the health stories she tells me for now. Then I'll use your idea of writing something noncommittal.

I'm mindful of the fact that I don't know her, that she likely has at least fleas from my parents, and that at times she has sounded delusional (claimed that her car was car bombed by dark mysterious forces, but would not answer any questions as to whether she had told the police etc.).