Dragging Everyone Into It

[Seeking_Peace]

This is technically about my xILs, but since we have a visitation schedule, it feels like coparenting. I believe xMIL is an uN and xFIL has uBPD. They were nice years ago, but have slowly shown their true colors through false accusations, financial abuse of my DD, and emotional abuse of all three of us. I feel like those of you who have been through the courts may have some suggestions here, cause I am pooped.

Recently married, and filed to move away. Both myself and DH have jobs in our dream city, and most of my family is there. The cost of living is also significantly cheaper. xILs live hours away, so it's intriguing they are opposing the move. My counsel has been incredibly helpful and has advocated for DD's therapist to testify about their behavior. It has gotten so bad, that the therapist has told the xILs to stop contacting her, and the therapist has requested detailed emails from me regarding DDs behavior when returning from visits.

Flash forward, and I got a call from DH on his way home from work. I could tell by his tone that something was wrong. Well, it appears the xILs contacted his bipolar ex-wife and claimed that there's an ongoing investigation into DH (UNTRUE). They also notified her that we are now married. My particular case is sealed, so there is no way she would have known the specific details without hearing it from counsel or xILs. She has since filed her own paperwork against DH, making this whole thing a circus. Part of this move is so that DH could easily visit his kiddos and so we could have extra space for them. He's talking with his attorney tomorrow, and I'll be contacting mine this week. I'm floored.

So, I'm unsure if this is one big distraction to discourage us from moving, or what. We are obviously highly disappointed, and hope this won't delay the process. Any suggestions or references are much appreciated. I'm just trying to stay the course. 

[bloomie]

Hi Seeking_Peace - I am so sorry this has sat for a bit without a reply.

How are you doing? It seems like you and your sweet little family are getting hit from every side. How wise to work with your legal counsels and therapist for the next steps.

In the meantime what a double whammy emotionally this must be!!! I can only speculate, but your instincts that this is all part of the gamesmanship to keep you all from moving seems like a pretty good guess.

I don't know if anyone has ever offered this resource, but I have found the work of Bill Eddy to be incredibly helpful in my own circumstances with litigious in laws and high conflict people.

Here is a link to his podcasts: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/podcast
And a link to his free articles: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/blog

If nothing else, his descriptors of what a 'high conflict' person is, his case studies and examples all help me to realize that the extreme stress, divisiveness, underhanded, tension raising, stress inducing ugly stuff that has gone on in my own experiences with my in laws is NOT NORMAL!! And it takes a great deal of savvy and support to get through it intact!!

[Seeking_Peace]

Yes, it is to prevent us from moving. They have basically done everything to delay this process. It's pretty ridiculous at this point.

Thank you for sending me Bill's articles. I ended up purchasing 2 of his books and have been watching his videos like crazy. It certainly helps me feel less alone.

[bloomie]

Seeking_Peace - Count me as another person who has found Bill's work to be so helpful and relevant to those of us who are facing ongoing attempts by those that are committed to disrupt and encroach upon our happy lives.

You are not alone!!! Keep coming back and letting us know how you are doing!

[Seeking_Peace]

I'm back...

Still in the thick of things, although the past few months have revealed a lot. Bill Eddy's work has been incredibly therapeutic, and I keep revisiting his books for responses and de-escalation techniques. I am so thankful for these resources.

While I can't say a whole lot, I will say that the xILs have been lying on some of their documentation and will likely either have no contact with kiddo, or have very stringent requirements for any future visits.

My fear at this point is the financial aspect. I had saved a decent amount of funds for this battle, but it's nearly exhausted due to their litigious nature. I have a side hustle that is helping a little, but staying optimistic we can reach a settlement to prevent this from dragging out. These people are just unbelievable...

[bloomie]

Hi Seeking_Peace. Just checking in with you in hopes that things have settled for you and your kiddo in all of this.