Having a really tough time

Adria · March 01, 2021, 08:53:44 AM

My son is schizophrenic. Off his meds again. Soc. Sec. screwed up his disability and now he has no money coming in. Lost his job, has been hospitalized twice in the last month, got kicked out of his group home for acting up because he's off meds, smashed up his car, and his new meds are so expensive, don't know how we can pay for them along with rent and food for him. I am so overwhelmed I don't know how I can make it physically or emotionally from one day to the next lately. I fear he may end up on the street and die.

The hospital throws him out too soon before he is stable, so very difficult getting the right help. He did great for awhile, but here we go again. Sometimes I just want to throw my phone away and hide. It's so hard to set boundaries and know what to do and what not to do when I'm his only advocate and he can't think straight. How far down can you let someone take you? It's not his fault that he can't always fend for himself, so I feel like I constantly have to rescue rescue rescue. I'm doctoring for liver cancer from all this stress. Who do I save, him or me? I feel like I can't do this anymore. It is just a circular situation no matter how hard I try with a disaster and always having to rebuild his life after he destroys it. Now, it feels like it is destroying mine

I am desperate for some words of wisdom because I can't think straight right now.

notrightinthehead · March 02, 2021, 02:43:50 AM

Gosh! I am so sorry! I have no words of wisdom for you. Only wanted to send you a big hug.
When I am really down I say the serenity prayer over and over: God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; and the Wisdom to know the difference.

Boat Babe · March 02, 2021, 05:13:32 AM

I am so sorry to hear this Adria. How awful for all of you.

I think you have to prioritize your own treatment and recuperation right now or you won't be able to help your son in the future.

A heartbreaking choice. Sending much love dear friend.

Adria · March 02, 2021, 12:09:10 PM

Thank you Boat Babe and Notrightinthehead. I needed the reminder of the serenity prayer. I usually have it hanging on my wall, but we are moving and in transition right now so it is packed away. Am still trying to learn that lesson. And yes, I am going to try to start taking better care of myself. Son got out of the hospital yesterday again and wanted to come and see me. I said not today. Been sleeping most of the day and don't want to get triggered again. Gosh! This life can seem so hard some times. I appreciate your hugs and kind words. You're the best.

Free2Bme · March 05, 2021, 01:46:24 PM

HI Adria,
What you are going through is truly difficult. The range of emotions surrounding our sons issues are so had for a mother's heart, as a mom I feel for you.

Lean in to your serenity prayer and try and do one or two things that replenish *you*.

Praying for your strength and peace

BeautifulCrazy · March 05, 2021, 02:21:28 PM

Adria,
I don't have any advice to offer.
One of my oldest and dearest friends is going through similar. She has been staying with me when she comes to care for her adult child who is in and out of hospital.
I just want you to know that I see how scary and exhausting and heartbreaking it can be. I know how impossible it seems sometimes.
You are a wonderful mom.

I wish I had more than just some love and encouragement to send. Please take good care of yourself.

I will be praying for you and your son.

Adria · March 08, 2021, 08:02:54 AM

Free2Bme and BeautifulCrazy,

Thank you for your prayers and caring words. Right now, it means more than you know. Hugs, Adria

Frankie14 · March 08, 2021, 08:18:26 PM

Adria,

I have gone thru similar with my D since Covid, 2 hospital stays one in May for 15 days and another for 5 weeks in July...and a dx of bipolar, on and off meds, unable to get SS disability...she is bordering schizophrenia but not dx with it...its bad...

I have to admit, I wished she stayed in the hospital forever..It was the first decent sleep I had had in years due to the unstable nature of her antics...

Before she got out; We rented her an apartment, furnished it with old furniture, stocked the fridge, because we cannot have her in the house with my younger sons...needless to say it has been hellacious.

I will write more tomorrow, but I wanted to say you are not alone here...

Covid has been so baad, jobs are scarce for a 23 year old, she is mentally not all there, never has been. The tantrums are much much better since she has been on lithium, I am grateful she is taking the meds....

I am also grateful that I can rent her a place, it is in the actual slums of a bad town, but it is all I can afford; her rent, food, meds, doctors, electric, heat, phone, it is BREAKING ME - but she cannot come home I have two small boys here..(13/ and 10)..can't do it with her in my house anymore..she lives close to the train so she can walk to her doctors, and to get groceries, she was able to get on SNAP so at least we don't have to pay for her food anymore..

I don't allow her to call me at all hours, I keep it to weekdays business hours, 9-5..then block her # for the night..and on weekends...

It's how I keep sane...its been so so bad...I am sorry to you also..mental illness is horrific .. add covid..nightmare in a nightmare..

Adria · March 15, 2021, 04:38:56 PM

Frankie,

Thank you so much for writing. I am so sorry you are going through this hell, and it is helllllll. There are no words to describe it if you haven't lived it. It just wears you into the ground, and they just keep skipping along in their own little disney land. I haven't heard from my son in a week now. Think of calling him to see if he is okay, but then I put the phone down. I feel bad, but just can't take anymore right now. Sounds like you are in the same boat. I have lost most of my friends over this because they can't deal with it either. It is so isolating isn't it?

Sorry it took me so long to write back. I've been too tired to even check the forum. I'm grateful for your words and you reminding me I"m not alone, but it hurts my heart to read that you are going through the same. Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Hugs, Adria.

Boat Babe · March 15, 2021, 04:42:01 PM

Adria and Frankie

Frankie14 · March 16, 2021, 06:00:48 AM

Thanks Boat Babe..

Adria..The horrible building we moved my D into lost heat for the past 4 days..so I delivered her a space heater, and the place was a complete mess...she clearly hasn't done laundry, dishes piled up; I had to resist every urge to clean it all up. I just refused.

D had a psych appt yesterday and was talking about 'how she needs to be hospitalized' but really she actually liked the hospital where she was center of attention, got to ignore her bills piling up that she doesn't pay (she racked up credit cards years ago on manic highs and never paid them, obviously)..but her psych said she was not inpatient material.

She will NOT try to find even a job at a gym, or in a restaurant to propel herself into some kind of a life..she literally games, takes her meds, does nothing all day; so far yes stays out of trouble. Her literal existence is a complete waste, which is painful to say or admit. But we have to here. She has no friends, has burned them all. She does NOTHING, GOES nearly no where..I check in on her daily to make sure she is still alive via 'snapchat' we send photos back and forth to each other once a day, its stupid but at least I can get her to send/snap the pic and know she is alive..

I cannot imagine being her age with 0 life whatsoever...I know I can't keep doing what I am forever paying for her to keep her from being homeless ...you have already been where I am...maybe she could go to residential living someday, I don't know...this is now way for a young person to live.

You can call or text your son to see if he is alive, if he starts running his mouth abort the text, don't respond or hang up...its what I do when she starts complaining about her 'crappy' building..that she don'ts even contribute to..

I have not told ANYONE but my mother and my H obviously what my D has been doing all these years, NO ONE in my life knows about this..It's too shameful.

I was talking with my mother yesterday and she said Jeez, it doesn't end with her, it just never ends...my Mom said I didn't know it could get worse than her HS years...oh it got worse all right..

Hang in there; its not easy. I have had many issues with my family of origin and my H is a problem, but nothing compares to your PD being your child..

Often in my pity party moments I wonder how my life turned out so shitty..I really do..but I don't have time to worry about that. I have two younger son's that I adore and show no signs of mental illness (my D was ADHD, no friends even in elementary school). My boys are in sports, happy have friends...so I focus on them, and my self now...I have had to learn to compartmentalize A LOT in the past 4-5 years..

Much love and peace, I will keep writing..come back when you can..

AlisonWonder · March 16, 2021, 03:13:29 PM

It sounds rough Frankie. Did you have interests you could pursue now to give you some respite from thinking about all this? Something creative or outdoorsy perhaps? You know they say to put on your own oxygen mask first, I think that must mean care and activities for yourself, because people don't make good oxygen masks. I hope things improve soon for you and of course also for you, Adria.

Quote from: Frankie14 on March 16, 2021, 06:00:48 AM
Thanks Boat Babe..

Adria..The horrible building we moved my D into lost heat for the past 4 days..so I delivered her a space heater, and the place was a complete mess...she clearly hasn't done laundry, dishes piled up; I had to resist every urge to clean it all up. I just refused.

D had a psych appt yesterday and was talking about 'how she needs to be hospitalized' but really she actually liked the hospital where she was center of attention, got to ignore her bills piling up that she doesn't pay (she racked up credit cards years ago on manic highs and never paid them, obviously)..but her psych said she was not inpatient material.

She will NOT try to find even a job at a gym, or in a restaurant to propel herself into some kind of a life..she literally games, takes her meds, does nothing all day; so far yes stays out of trouble. Her literal existence is a complete waste, which is painful to say or admit. But we have to here. She has no friends, has burned them all. She does NOTHING, GOES nearly no where..I check in on her daily to make sure she is still alive via 'snapchat' we send photos back and forth to each other once a day, its stupid but at least I can get her to send/snap the pic and know she is alive..

I cannot imagine being her age with 0 life whatsoever...I know I can't keep doing what I am forever paying for her to keep her from being homeless ...you have already been where I am...maybe she could go to residential living someday, I don't know...this is now way for a young person to live.

You can call or text your son to see if he is alive, if he starts running his mouth abort the text, don't respond or hang up...its what I do when she starts complaining about her 'crappy' building..that she don'ts even contribute to..

I have not told ANYONE but my mother and my H obviously what my D has been doing all these years, NO ONE in my life knows about this..It's too shameful.

I was talking with my mother yesterday and she said Jeez, it doesn't end with her, it just never ends...my Mom said I didn't know it could get worse than her HS years...oh it got worse all right..

Hang in there; its not easy. I have had many issues with my family of origin and my H is a problem, but nothing compares to your PD being your child..

Often in my pity party moments I wonder how my life turned out so shitty..I really do..but I don't have time to worry about that. I have two younger son's that I adore and show no signs of mental illness (my D was ADHD, no friends even in elementary school). My boys are in sports, happy have friends...so I focus on them, and my self now...I have had to learn to compartmentalize A LOT in the past 4-5 years..

Much love and peace, I will keep writing..come back when you can..

Adria · March 16, 2021, 05:04:05 PM

Thank you BoatBabe and AlisonWonder.

Frankie, I so understand. I don't think they really care most of the time if they have no life. It sounds like you are doing everything you can for your daughter while still trying to keep your own sanity. It's a very fine line. My son called the other day. I picked up. Sounds like his friend told him he had to be out of his house by Friday. He has nowhere to go. I don't know what to do. I took him in for ten years. My doctor said people can't handle it for more than three years, hence why I got sick I guess.

I know what you mean about wondering how life can turn out so shitty. My life has been one horror story after another. I can't believe I'm still standing. I think this thing with my son has been the worst out of everything that has happened to me. Like you and your mom say, it never ends. Usually if someone gets sick, they either get better or they pass away. These diseases do neither. The help out there is dismal. Nobody cares. The hospitals throw them out before they get better and they want to drug them into a stooper just to get rid of them. My son was diagnosed with schizophrenia and bi-polar (bad diagnosis).

Something that has done wonders for the bi-polar is natural progesterone cream from the health food store. It completely stopped the bi-polar end of things. Calms everything down and stops the mania and mood swings. It seems too simple, but it works. I have a friend who is a doctor. She cured her schizophrenia and bi-polar with natural progesterone cream alone. She actually used to be homeless living on the streets until someone gave that to her. Now she is a mental health professional working in psych wards. She told me that all the files say low progesterone, but since the pharmaceuticals can't make money off it, they give drugs instead. Might be something you want to look into. A lot of these issues are caused by too much adrenaline. If you can stop the adrenaline (natural progesterone cream) you can stop the crazy. A great book on this is called "Adrenaline Dominance" by Dr. Michael Platt. You can look him up on line at "plattwellness". Dr Platt has helped us tremendously. He will talk with you on the phone for free. My son can get completely better on high doses vitamin c and niacin for the schizophrenia and progesterone for bi-polar, per Dr. Hoffer and Dr Platt. Dr Hoffer has some interesting info online as well. He is now deceased, but has some interesting takes on mental illness. However, the problem with my son then lies in the fact that he thinks he's better (cured), gets off the supplements and then goes down, gets rehospitalized, drugged and the whole cycle starts again.

I have given the Adrenaline Dominance book to several people. Everyone of them came back and told me that book changed their life. Two people told me it saved their life. I hope things start looking up for you. My son is starting to snap out of it again and now realizes how much he messed his whole life up again. Every time, we rebuild his whole life for him. I can't do it anymore. He is considered non-compliant when it comes to the supplements or meds he is supposed to take. So he is also very difficult to help.

Thank you again for writing. I really do appreciate it. Hugs, Adria