Accidentally Answered A Phone Call

[Apparently-wicked]

I'd changed phones and hadn't put his (probably npd dad) number in. I said a cheery hi as was thinking it was one of the places I'd rung about jobs the day before. He said a very cheery and friendly hello. I hung up immediately. Eurgh. 

He then rang again and left a super normal like 'everything is okay 'how are you sweetheart'.  So messed up. I haven't returned a call for 6 months having always retruned calls and jumped at every request
but he still pretends everything is just normal. It's freaky and makes me feel a bit sick.

How the hell do they do that. It's a boundary violation isn't it. If someone started ignoring me after I'd said unforgivable things I couldn't just act as if everything is normal and even 6 months later be leaving messages like nothing had happened.

[PeanutButter]

Wow! Im proud of you for hanging up even after he got through! You did a fantastic job of protecting yourself!

I think that the biggest and most detailed and thorough lies pds tell are to themselves. Im convinced. Even when noone else believes them anymore they still believe their own lies. Its a vital necessity for them to 'trick' themselves so their fragile egos dont know the false self isnt real. IMO

[nanotech]

I agree with Peanut Butter. They lie horribly to themselves.
For me the biggest gaslighting of all was my mum telling me that my dad  was so honest he was 'like George Washington' . From an early age I heard this- and boy, did I believe it!
It kept the illusion going for years.
My dad gaslights himself and others all the time. He's never made a mistake either! It's always someone's else's fault.

I think your dad has convinced himself he's done nothing wrong. But as you say, who fawns when they've been ignored for months then they just get though and they have the call dropped?
Narcissists do. My dad does this as well . I called him out on something the other day,(on the phone).
He denied he'd  done it ( he'd put down my hobbies) but then rang me back later on some pretext, then proceeded to tell me how 'special' I was to him. It's self -denial of all of it, and it's also gaslighting to retrieve their supply. It's downright creepy.
Keep going! 👍

[Apparently-wicked]

Thanks nano and peanut x

I recognise that scenario where you call him out and then he calls with incidental stuff littered with fake affection. It's called pressing the reset button apparently where they're telling you they've moved on and that's gone so if you're still worrying about minor stuff like them displaying psychopathic traits then it means you've got a problem because you can't get over it like they have. It makes no sense and I'm furious.


It's like over and over making sure I know that he has utter zero regard for me. Although that said I see he has no empathy for anyone or even himself as his behaviour punishes him too.

I will never have any sort of relationship with him again, I won't go to his funeral or even be in the same room as him. I don't want him at mine. When his mask fell in the hospital it just popped that fake reality. Horrible but a gift from the universe.

❤😷❤

[nanotech]

I know what you mean. To carry on as before, just seems such a betrayal of our true self, just when we've found that little girl, and hugged her.
Sounds corny, but we are walking the true path now.

I love what you wrote about how they simply press the reset button to make us move on and forget we caught them abusing us!
Smarming and charming away.
I used to fall for this all the time. I'd get a warm fuzzy (yet slightly uneasy) feeling   
I've learned. When he tried this again the other day, I  simply didn't return the syrup. Yuk.
I'd love to go NC. Work in progress.
I don't want to go to his funeral. Nor do I want him at mine. I know, I know. XX

[PeanutButter]

It's called pressing the reset button apparently where they're telling you they've moved on and that's gone so if you're still worrying about minor stuff like them displaying psychopathic traits then it means you've got a problem because you can't get over it like they have

❤😷❤

That is exactly like what I have experienced.
This goes along with flipping the script too. If they never did what they did to you then your response to what they did (that they didnt actually do now that they pressed rest) is abusive. This is how imo they get to the point of telling everyone they are the victim of abuse.
So unbelievable!

[Apparently-wicked]

This goes along with flipping the script too

Oh yeah he did that a few months ago apparently telling sib I had been abusive to him which is a total reversal because I was so calm and gentle but firm. I still gave him a kiss on the head like usual when I left  even though he was staring at the wall still furious that Id called him out on leaving manipulative messages on sibs phone.

I'm doing good though finding so many new hobbies and having lovely times with lovely people. Feeling so much love from other people who are conscious of how loving our inner child is the way to grow.

❤😷❤

[nanotech]

This goes along with flipping the script too

Oh yeah he did that a few months ago apparently telling sib I had been abusive to him which is a total reversal because I was so calm and gentle but firm. I still gave him a kiss on the head like usual when I left  even though he was staring at the wall still furious that Id called him out on leaving manipulative messages on sibs phone.

I'm doing good though finding so many new hobbies and having lovely times with lovely people. Feeling so much love from other people who are conscious of how loving our inner child is the way to grow.

❤😷❤

My dad flips the script too.
I said no to a ridiculous demand for me to pick him up on the morning of a family funeral. He was far closer to the funeral venue than I was, and the offer has been previously offered but robustly declined by him.  As it was we already had to pick up dear daughter on route and I wasn't going to risk dad procrastinating when we got there, feigning illness as he does, and making us
late.
I said no and got the 'yes but.....' so then I had to be firm. He told people at the funeral, including my husband, that I'd been rude to him.
Love how you are nurturing the inner child. I've discovered yoga and mindfulness. 🧘

[raindrop]

I'd changed phones and hadn't put his (probably npd dad) number in. I said a cheery hi as was thinking it was one of the places I'd rung about jobs the day before. He said a very cheery and friendly hello. I hung up immediately. Eurgh. 

He then rang again and left a super normal like 'everything is okay 'how are you sweetheart'.  So messed up. I haven't returned a call for 6 months having always retruned calls and jumped at every request
but he still pretends everything is just normal. It's freaky and makes me feel a bit sick.

How the hell do they do that. It's a boundary violation isn't it. If someone started ignoring me after I'd said unforgivable things I couldn't just act as if everything is normal and even 6 months later be leaving messages like nothing had happened.

I know!!! it is so weird. It really makes you second guess yourself ... And it also makes it hard to describe. Like once a friend came round to my house around the time of my birthday, and there was a gift and card left by my uNPD mum. I was like "oh no!!!" and my friend couldn't really understand why I was so upset because it *seems* kind. Really they're erasing your entire reality when they do that.

[nanotech]

Flipping the Script! 
(Hoping I'm not too far  off topic)
As an adult child of PDs  I've always a huge sense of obligation in connection with my birthday- obligation that is, to my parents. They would claim it for THEIR own day. THEY needed attention and thanks for presents/ cards. THEY needed attention and thanks and gratitude from me, for being born. 
I've spent several adult birthdays sitting in restaurants I didn't want to be in ( never my choice) getting 'treated' by mum and dad, and having to show lots of gratitude and enthusiasm.

Since mum passed away, Dad took me out  once on my birthday. 
He found it fun to be a very loud and awkward customer. He made sure they all knew it was my birthday ( I hate fuss and he knows it)  then would proceed to complain and whinge about everything from the food to the decor, on my behalf.
Excruciating. He would often talk negatively about people on other tables. He hates it when babies make a noise, ANY noise!

One time I got talked into going to their house for my birthday.( two hour round trip) Hubby was working so I went on my own. Stupidly I thought they would put the knives away on my birthday.
What a mistake.
Wow what a passive aggressive fest that afternoon was.  Long story short, as I drove off 'smiling' and waving, as soon as I got out of sight I  sobbed loudly for all the rest of the journey.
Flipping the script. 

[Apparently-wicked]

This flipping the script is about who they ARE as much as what they do..  My dad's an angry person. You can feel it just under the surface even if you've never had the misfortune of seeing him without the mask.

So for years we were in this perverse reverse scenario where I'm trying to placate a man who is angry with me even though I'm the one who has the legitimate right to be very angry with him. I'm the one who should be placated because of the childhood abuse.

Except the scenario for most of my adult life was as if I had abused him. I felt obligated and guilty. It really is no.womder that this sort of abuse can and does send logical reasonable people to insanity. 

Upthread someone said about how we find and grab the inner child because they're the one telling us the truth. The malignant npd is just filth. It's all filth. Even the "nice" things they've done are utter trash.