This is his best behavior?!

[Stillirise]

I’ve passed the three month mark of MC, and grey rock with uPDh.  It has been more like an in-home separation than a coping mechanism. Since I’m not providing supply, there’s very little interaction at all. 

However, I have noticed an uptick in asking if there’s anything I need done, taking kids where they need to go (without a circular conversation), etc.  This is interspersed with little digs, though.  He lamented how he’s trying to be better, but it doesn’t seem to matter to me.  When I broke MC and replied I’d tried for years, I understand how he feels, he then told me I hadn’t ever really tried to make things work. At another point, he also made a remark about me not being grateful enough...

So, he says he’s doing his best, I guess because he’s managed to not call me a mouthy b****, or some other name for a few days, and has been performing some parenting and household duties without argument.   Since I’m not fawning all over him, or properly expressing my gratitude, it’s all my fault again. Wow.

[notrightinthehead]

Sounds like your home situation is improving thanks to MC and GR. Also always a good reminder to experience what happens when you break MC.

And with a PD it will remain your fault, at least in his mind. You do not have to agree with him. Your opinion is as valid as his. More valid for you, in fact.

[capybara]

I've passed the three month mark of MC, and grey rock with uPDh.  It has been more like an in-home separation than a coping mechanism.

Yes, this is my experience too. Although while I chat to BPDH when he gets home and at meals, I don't really go near him otherwise ... but I've noticed that if he is on his tablet or reading or on the tv and I just don't interact, that seems to also be "avoiding" him in his mind.... sigh.

[SparkStillLit]

Capybara, yes, I get that too! You're otherwise occupied, for Pete's sake, am I going to sit by on high alert until you decide you want me for something?? I think NOT!!
Especially if I then go watch my own show or otherwise occupy myself, wowee....then I'm really "ignoring him" and let the snit begin!

[TooLiteral]

....I've noticed that if he is on his tablet or reading or on the tv and I just don't interact, that seems to also be "avoiding" him in his mind.... sigh.

Oh god, this is exactly what my uNPDh does. If I am doing ANYTHING other than sitting next to him on the couch, watching his godforsaken tv show (that I HATE) then I am ignoring him, I'm distant, or I'm not trying to make our marriage work. Even if I bring a book to the couch! I can literally sit next to him, reading a book, and I'm an awful wife....

[SquarePegs80]

With a PD spouse it's the old saying ( I am typing this nicely)

Darned if you do, darned if you don"t. 

[Stillirise]

With a PD spouse it's the old saying ( I am typing this nicely)

Darned if you do, darned if you don"t. 

Yep.  He's quit verbally complaining about it, since I quit responding.  However, most evenings he can be found sitting on the sofa scrolling his phone, or watching his foul-mouthed TV show, miffed I'm not paying him any attention.  Meanwhile, I'm cleaning up from dinner, folding laundry, and making sure children have done what they need to, and are getting in bed.  Sometimes, he will yell out, "listen to your mother." Thanks for the help, buddy.