Her hate campaign has escalated into mail

[RiverPurl]

My ex bpd, we haven't seen each other in over 6 years but she continues with regular contact that is abusive to me. I don't respond to her because there's nothing for me to say. What I am experiencing from her is an interrogation in an effort to get me to fix her feelings.

She wrote a post last year online where some posters took her at face value and gave her the sympathy she was looking for.  Other posters read right through her post/s and saw that offering blind sympathy was going to be dangerous to her. They saw that there was much more to the situation than what she was letting on.  She didn't give the full picture and the years of abuse and harassment that she sent to me. Complete strangers were able to tell her that she was irrational and confrontational.  Complete strangers were able to point out the insults and the taunts that she gave to me. Complete strangers were able to guess why I wasn't contacting her. Complete strangers saw the answers and replys she was giving and they didn't like her tone.  She did not like being given alternative views and suggestions and it angered her.

She was recommended therapy. 
The suggestion of therapy would be for her to overcome her troubles on this and help her.
Her reply to the suggestion of therapy was to focus on me yet again and ask her responder how does she get someone who can't see any wrong into therapy referring to me.

She's still in this same place of pointing out all my wrongs through emails.  I am not reading the emails as such but they are going into a separate folder and sometimes I dip into it.

I mean, I know what my part in this down fall is and that's for me. It's not my responsibility to attend therapy with her. It's not my responsibility to fix her either.  I am refusing to engage with her because she's so twisted. If that makes me toxic in her world so be it.   

I got mail in the post from her this week where she went to Amazon and bought a book and sent it to me.  It was a self help book on how to stop being toxic.

This is completely perplexing how so much of her focus is on me. 

[Call Me Cordelia]

Yikes, time to move on, woman! If you're so toxic there's no reasonable reason on earth to engage you if you don't share children or property. 

And.. time to move on for you, too. Maybe it would be helpful to explore why you're emotionally engaging here, reading what she writes online about you and dipping into that email folder. Her behavior is perplexing, but as you rightly say it's not your responsibility. Would you be interested in legally putting a stop to her harassment? Otherwise I don't believe there's a whole lot to be done except stay firm in your boundaries with yourself.

[Cambria]

I completely understand what you're talking about. In my case it's my older brother who is a cop as well as former Firefighter volunteer of the year spewing lies nonstop about me. Although I have detached my life away from him and my parents ( my father had a heart attack so is no longer around, but I had exposed my brother to him a year before he died but he was not able to get through to my mother)who encouraged his behavior he still continues every so often to do something to me that "isn't legal and can never be traced back to him" and it just brings back all the abuse and trauma. His reaching out candy be similar to the woman reaching out negative to you. For me it's to assert that he basically owns my life. He is in control of myself my husband and kids. He even went through multiple people to get a woman to seduce my husband and set up a hotel meeting. Then sent all the screenshots of the messages and pictures to my entire family. But I had noticed my husband had started getting a lot of messages about like call girl spam texts right after my brother got mad that I wouldn't choose to live with my family and divorce my husband. So he said he would prove my husband isn't the nice guy I think. So after I had told my husband my brother has plans to break us up, a bunch of random girls start texting him. One night at work he engages in talking with one, next day the make and model on my husbands car ( which my brother knows) is texted to me that it's outside a hotel. Except I called my husband and we have a dash cam, and he was 3 hours away from the hotel location at a fast food restaurant. The call girl spamming phase stopped after that. No one believed me, or thought about why would someone target my family to send all these screenshots to? How would they know who was in my family? Why not my husbands family? Everyone believed it because I was just crazy to say my brother did it.
Along the way I had mentioned much more abuse to doctors and colleges, and had been told to immediately leave my home and take my child. Well, I won't go into too much detail but, his hate campaign against me isolated me to the point nothing I said was believable, I was called a liar and everyone would take his lies as truth. He beat me down to the point I wanted to die. I had nothing but my words against him. But he was bent on making sure everyone knew how bad a person I was, and my doctor had said that I'm dealing with a delusional person and I should try to record conversations for safety. I didn't get much recorded but I do know he was very angry that I had the audacity to not be afraid of him ( I was framed for murder in the past so I knew all the crap and lies police do to try to make you believe you've done something you haven't). I started using my phone as a recording device and tucking it into the back of my pants. I decided to resign myself to act afraid of him and act like I believe every threat. You all must know I over exaggerated to an unbelievable degree, like putting my hands to my face and saying " oh my God what will I do!" Putting my hands to my chest as if I would faint. It was so out of character for me yet he was gushing with ego and just feeling so good that he laid out his entire plan of getting me and my husband and kids. Watching us and we wouldn't know. In phase one he would do little things that can't be traced to him. Phase two of his plan will occur after a few years when I'm thinking we are safe, and so on. It was a 2 hour monologue about how he would go about destroying me and my family's life including my children being taken away so I would never ever see them again. And I had recorded all of it. Except him and my mother who is also narcissistic like he truly truly is do not know. I have the proof but I always felt I couldn't do anything with it.

And that brings me to your accounts Riverpurl. You have these emails and texts, you have physical proof and if nothing else it can be reported because it is affecting your way of life. I never thought I could go to the cops, even though I went to law school to study criminology, I was made to believe that basically nothing can be done. But you can take all your emails, texts whatever you have and get a report made at a police department and let them know it's affecting your life, tell them you have started to even feel fear for your life. If you have doctors or anyone else you've told them that works for you. The abuse and re-traumatizing perhaps can be a reason to go to the doctor, tell them it's affecting your life. Have a trail of paperwork, keep a calendar of events that happen involving her, screenshot whatever you come across where she's causing you destress. And you'll have more than you need to get a restraining order because you will slowly be broken and re-traumatized into paranoia and fearing for you mental health and well being. The restraining order is validation that you are heard in your pain as well as proof that she's got some issues that causes her to need to be separated from abusing someone.
It's not to farfetched for you to feel paranoid about the next thing she's going to try to do to you, or if she will go after the people closest to you next, maybe she's even stalking you. We don't know, I just know that it sounds like you're quality of life is being affected and you don't know when the next mental assault is coming from. This is coming from someone who went to medical school, studied writing and composition for 2  years, went to law school and still the hate campaign managed to break me to the point that i could no longer work, became suicidal, word of me being a liar was thrown as far and to everyone that it could, and I am basically disabled now with about 15 chronic diseases physically and mentally taking about 40 prescriptions to try to get out of bed and take care of myself, yet the hate that was spread about me and my sadness towards losing my birth family and still being harassed will continue to take it's toll on me. And I have to take care of my children and no mother should have to sit their young children down and say there's a possibility I might pass away because of the strain on my heart  from everything. My mother will be coming to stay with me and my family for a few months and I couldn't say no, then she wants to take my oldest who she conditioned from a young age to never call me "mom" to go on vacation to see my other brothers, I said yes but I want to say no, but I am afraid and I'm afraid for my child. So I am going to take what little evidence I have with all my doctors who I hope wrote down when I would talk about the abuse, to get a restraining order for my family before my mom arrives. I suggest you look into a restraining order, it seems that might do the trick for you and make her move on.
I'm sorry about my long response, I just want you to know you're not alone in this crazy smear campaign that narcissist people do. I wish you great luck in protecting your mental health from such a vile person. They keep reaching out to remind you that they have control, they remind you to not forget them, remind you of all the pain. It's sadistic, it's enjoyable to them to make sure you never forget them.
Take good care of yourself, if changing your phone number or deactivating your emails might help push the point that you want nothing further to do with them then try that. This person is trying to control you still. It's an illness, they can't help it, but when it's affecting your health and your life then it's time to begin reporting and having statements recorded through official means. Take care, and stay strong. Save everything, and pass it on to people you trust. I would pass on certain handwritten accounts of what would be happening things for my primary care and pain management doctors to file away. Maybe you can do the same. Be strong, she will try to break you down, don't give her that power. I hope I have said something in this that can help you persevere though these troubles.

[sunshine702]

Yep.  This is what happens when Narcs get called out.  Either by no contact or not playing their game or by simply being the target of the day. Smear campaigns to anyone mutual.  Yes sending things through 3rd party service like Amazon is a super common Hoover.

More and more people out there UNDERSTAND the manipulation- as you saw in some of those replies.

Don't fall for it. 

I really think understanding is the first half of the battle then a battle plan for dealing. 

The title of Ramani's new book says it all

IT'S NOT YOU!!

[blacksheep7]

I got mail in the post from her this week where she went to Amazon and bought a book and sent it to me.  It was a self help book on how to stop being toxic.
 



That is mean and low but coming from from a Narc, it is always about someone else to blame.

You are doing the right thing to not respond.