Worn out but standing firm

[Poison Ivy]

 

[square]

Input from the kids will be VERY tricky because of GC. I hope EM can fight for maximum custody without putting GC in a position where she will likely fold.

[escapingman]

Input from the kids will be VERY tricky because of GC. I hope EM can fight for maximum custody without putting GC in a position where she will likely fold.

After STBX shouted at both SG and GC and made them both cry, and I did not back STBX in telling the kids off and STBX shouted at me instead.... GC came and started shouting dickhead etc at me. So, yes I know, I have no chance as long as I am in the same house. I doubt GC would say a bad word about her mum, to anyone, whatever. SG is scared of saying a bad word, she thinks GC will find out and therefor end up in trouble.

I just need to realise, this will get ugly, and I will need to start the real fight now.

[square]

Her reward for calling you dickhead (no words btw...) is to get out of the line of fire and restore her mother's love.

An incredibly sick dynamic.

It's ok, btw, to set limits on that behavior. Don't tolerate it just because you know it's stbx's sick game. I know it won't keep the peace but neither is YOUR DAUGHTER CALLING YOU THAT. You can set kind and firm limits, and keep in mind that you haven't lost just because she keeps doing it. Your MESSAGE that THIS ISN'T OK is something to be implanted over time.

[escapingman]

Her reward for calling you dickhead (no words btw...) is to get out of the line of fire and restore her mother's love.

An incredibly sick dynamic.

It's ok, btw, to set limits on that behavior. Don't tolerate it just because you know it's stbx's sick game. I know it won't keep the peace but neither is YOUR DAUGHTER CALLING YOU THAT. You can set kind and firm limits, and keep in mind that you haven't lost just because she keeps doing it. Your MESSAGE that THIS ISN'T OK is something to be implanted over time.

I am aware of that GC insult me and swears at me to get into the same team as STBX. That is actually the main reason I decided I need out and was the last straw. She has been thought very well by STBX that it is OK to be mean to me and how to be mean. GC is a completely different child when STBX is not around.

This morning STBX is giving me the silent treatment, funny she think that is a good idea as she has been begging me for the last 2 months to give the marriage another chance. I knew she would fail, and she did. I think as others have said, I have 2 urgent missions. 1 to file for divorce and 1 to find a home to rent. Until I manage to get out the house I probably have to play the silent treatment game with her as much as possible. I don't want to end up in any arguments or rows with her, the only one winning them is the one that fights dirty (STBX). But I am still astonished about how she can be so desperate to keep me and the marriage going and then behave in exact the way I have told her would lead to filing.

[escapingman]

WTF do I do know? She has happily turned both kids against me, telling them fairy tales about how horrible I am. All I want to do is to go an smash her head in. I am not going to do that. But how can I save the kids when they side with her? I tried to talk to GC and she smirked at me laughing  at me and told me to F Off. I really can't manage anymore. I honestly don't think I ever hated someone as much as I hate STBX right now. Right now I feel I just going to pack my stuff in the car tomorrow and then just leave and never go back. She has won, she has broken me. I think this is the only way as I won't trust myself doing something to her, she is the nastiest meanest person I have ever met in my entire life.

[pushit]

But how can I save the kids when they side with her?

You have said yourself that the kids are totally different when stbx is not around.  That will improve a hundred fold in your own house separate from her.

You're just prolonging the agony by stalling.  You've already dropped the gauntlet of war by announcing your intention to divorce, no amount of strategizing is going to make it go smoothly.  If you're going to follow through with the divorce, the biggest favor you could do for your kids is rip off the band aid and get on with it.

[JustKeepTrying]

escapingman,

I sense this is a good release valve for you posting here and we do have your back.  We have all been there and are there.  It is hard to read sometimes your posts because I remember very vividly how I felt in those years and months leading up to that awful day I did leave.  So if we sound short, or read short, it's because we care and support you and want the best outcome for you and the girls.

As for the girls, I have three children and two daughters.  They did side with him for the first two years and I finally have some connection with them beginning again this past few months.  I was given the advice that I need to approach them as children, not mention their father's behavior, and be a ballast.  Eventually they would see it for what it is - and they do somewhat.  But what child wants to admit that their father is crazy?  All you can do is provide a stable home and they will eventually see that over time.

It sounds like an untenable situation so tomorrow (I know there is a time difference so it just might be today) go find a place.  Now.  Call the lawyer on the phone and draw up the papers.  Just do it.  No more holding back.  When you make those concrete steps you will find a release and the beginning of peace. The hatred will come and go (I still get spurts of it) but taking concrete steps will help.  Right now your anger is with her and yourself - therapy will help with that as well.

Also, I said it before - make appts for therapists for your daughters.  ASAP.  Again, just do it.  When you begin to take control of your life you will feel immensely better.

Let her spin and spin.  Just don't let her spin you out.

[escapingman]

I am tired, so tired. To get the kids against you when all you have done is put yourself in firing line to protect them is destroying me. I get it, but it doesn't make it any easier. If they can get a couple of hours of un and games with uNPDw on the expense of me, they take it. They know I am still there tomorrow, but they don't know when the next time uNPDw will be fun again. I get it, but it still doesn't make it any easier.

My solicitor is off during Christmas, I think she is back working next week. She told me to email her if things went really bad, I might do that, but there won't be any difference if we file this week or next. I also need to agree a new plan with her, last time we spoke I suggested I wanted to wait until April with filing but move out in January. Now my immediate priority is to file next week to not lose anymore time. I will also start looking for a flat, not sure how quick that will be. But before then I need to take stock of items in the house and secure them. Maybe I can hire a storage temporary and move my possessions to, get some online storage to send all important documents, work and photos to. Then whilst looking for a flat stay out of her way as much as possible, create work trips or whatever until I have a home. I am going to get on with hunting for that straight away.

Thank you all for all your support, I really am in a dark space right now. You are the only one I can share with as no one else would believe me or understand me.

[escapingman]

Feeling a bit better, had a chat with SG and she told me off for doubting her. She said she only sides with uNPDw to keep the peace and I should now that. I kind of know, but it is hurting when it happens. Another reason and another thing to push me to get my own place. Have had a look at flats and none that are available now are suitable, either pricewise or size wise. All of them want a 12 months lease as well, that makes it difficult to just sign up for a small one as I would need one with at least 2 big bedrooms (if the girls were to share) or ideally 3 bedrooms. But I will keep looking, my guess is that more flats will be available when Christmas is over. Maybe I can make a deal with an estate agent to have a break clause or something if something more suitable comes up. I need to think about this. Maybe I could get a one month rolling lease if I pay a slightly higher fee for something smaller than I need longer term.

[square]

Yeah, talk to an agent. Some of these are going to be negotiable.

Sorry it's so hard, I can feel the pain in your writing. Wish there were easier stories for us.

[JustKeepTrying]

I am glad to hear you are moving forward.  Putting the docs in order and inventoring items.  Moves like this will give you momentum to move forward.

Don't forget you can get something like an airbnb to move into to buy you time to find an apartment.  It could be smaller but it would give you peace of mind.  Perhaps as early as next week if you get the papers and stuff in order.  It would get you out now and into somewhere with furniture and dishes and what you need until you move it all.

A hotel suite would work as well.  I negotiated a great price at a residence inn for two weeks.  Bonus was the security it took to get in so I felt a real relief while I looked for somewhere. 

If you need to go quickly in order to keep from making a violent mistake, go quickly and do a night a shelter.  They would have support for you and guidance.  I know you might think it's only for women but when I volunteered there I saw plenty of men with families pass through as they needed a night of respite.

Sending you virtual hugs.  You can get through this.

[escapingman]

Thank you all!

I have sent an email to my solicitor telling her I want to file next week  I am not going to spare STBX anything now and just go for it and tell anyone that needs to know the truth. I know I should have filed a month ago, but I feel good in the way I didn't give her the chance to blame me for ruining Christmas and now I can stand strong and now that the one at fault, again, was in fact her.

But..... my big question is, how to proceed with living arrangements etc. I one way, I would like to stay, let her lose it completely and then have her sectioned or arrested. I am double the size of her, I should manage if she attacks me. Although, if she have a weapon things might get trickier. I really don't think she has a gun, but when she realises the game is up I reckon she could do anything. I don't really want to be somewhere else when that happens if that means the girls are at risk at home with her. There is no way at the moment I would be able to take the girls with me if I left. GC is too brainwashed to see, and SG would not really understand the situation enough.  I will not be able to have her removed without any big incidents I think. My best hope, and it's a chance it would happen, is that when served the papers she will victimise herself and go to her mums.

Just took a stock of items, and I really don't have much worth other than my laptop with all work on and the digital copies of all photos of the kids. A beer collection, books and CD's. All replaceable. I have a box of older memories, but they are not really worth much sentimental either as not looked at them for about 20 years. My passport is always in my rucksack ready if I need to grab my work stuff, throw some clothes in my carry on and then go. Last time when I left, it took me less than 30 minutes to pack almost everything I needed and wanted. Still angry with myself for going back, but I don't think I was mentally ready to leave. I was still do deep in the FOG then and would have risked going back later or falling victim for someone else like my STBX.

I will keep documenting and recording and planning. This will be the fight of my life.

[JustKeepTrying]

I understand that the girls may not want to go.  But you are the parent and sometimes you just have to say no, pack a bag we are leaving.  Not easy, and it was hard trust me, but it gave us time to decompress, reorganize and talk.  I then had the time to arrange visitation and could do it without the pressure of being around him.  I surrendered the need to keep the house and the things.  In the end, I felt so much better.  Sad but better.

There are people that survive a divorce by living in the same house and some have done it on here but it is rare.  That's why so many leave because you are living with a disordered person who is unpredictable and it can be unsafe.  This is truly the most dangerous time. 

Get out and take them with you.  Don't give them an option.  Send your stbx to the store and be ready to gone when she gets back.

[square]

Make sure you have all your work backed up to the cloud if she decides to stomp your laptop while you're out of the room.

[hhaw]

Rip off the bandaid, let the light and air get to the wounds.

Hear! Hear!

The harm the stbx is doing to the children is considered abusive.  It IS harmful and harming everyone, mostly them, but also you.  You're a good parent for doing what you can to limit it.

Get yourself OUT of that situation and position yourself to mitigate the PD harm to you and your children.....but where?  Do yor parents live close by? Do you have any friends with a larger home who can 1.  Support you and 2. BE GOOD  WITNESSES for you going forward?  You don't have to stay forever, BUT it can be a good jumping off point for bringing your situation into the light, IMO.  Explaining to the people around you what's going on, bc the stbx will be telling her story and gathering supporters against you as soon as you go.  She will. 

Who can you talk to? Who will understand?  One rule of thumb is to tell your story until the listener is clearly NOT getting it, then stop talking and know they aren't going to be good supporters. Ever.  Just stop talking to them and keep talking to the people who DO understand.  Have you thought about telling your story yet? 

I really believe you'd benefit from reviewing your evidence and forming a narrative THAT EVIDENCE BACKS UP smoothly.  People need things to square up and make sense.  What is your story?  What evidence do you have to back up what you're thinking of telling people?  Your children's friends, the school, the neighbors and family  members will get your stbx's version or YOU version or both.  Think about that, please.

That's the game.

Also, please know the PD will manage to convince some dumb bunnies her story is real.  Some bc they're addicted to drama and maybe were jealous of you and some bc their histories line up and are exploited by the PD easily...... it's nothing to do with you.  This isn't a blow or a loss when it happens.  It's just part of the game and strategy and knowing all will be well, even if it's not OK on the day.... typically the PDs SHOW people who they are with terrible actions and lies.... the people who do want the truth SEE it, while the ones being manipulated and turned are more convinced...... it's very rare for the PD to convince everyone, though I'm sure it happens....
THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE TO RESIST DRAWING ATTENTION TO YOURSELF WITH VIOLENT or UNSTABLE WORDS or DEEDS and let me tell you.... your PD will be baiting you, setting you up and herding you into her narrative with an emotional blow torch.

Do not doubt her ability to go above and beyond what you feel she's capable of.  In fact, it's time to listen to your gut about what you believe she's capable of.  I'm concerned when you write she might use a knife or a gun on you..... that you feel you can take her and it would be worth what you gain. 

If it happens in front of the children..... it won't be worth it, IMO.

If you're both identified as unstable and mentally ill/violent it won't be worth it.

IF it happens with calm, reasonable witnesses who can restrain her, instead of you, it might be, but you haven't yet told anyone about this or lined up people to support you.  I'd look long and hard at that today, along with my evidence and the story you're going to pull together to succinctly explain your situation wtihout going down 10 rabbit holes, which is what the traumatized brain DOES if we aren't aware and strategizing to avoid it, IME.

Remember not to allege anything you can't prove easily.  Remember to make your evidence safe, screw the beer collection.

Remember to tell both your children you love them and you're going to make sure everyone is OK.... including their mum.  You shouldn't lean on your SG for any support or reassurances, though you're partners in the household..... parrtnes in being SGed, but she needs to be a child worrying about children's things.  The adult conflict isn't hers to worry about and both girls should be sheltered as a PRIORITY.

That is what you ask for in the divorce petition.  To SHELTER the children from the adult conflict as a priority.  To get them into therapy to deal with the adult conflict.  The domestic violence people might have therapists to deal with children in crisis and make them available to you on an emergency basis when you go.

Whatever resources you have, go over them with your attorney and domestic violence advocate if you still have one and make the plan.

When you tell your story, remember to give only the hamburger, not the bun or the condiments or the veggies..... just the succinct facts then shut up.  If you tie a string around your wrist and touch it when you feel you're slipping down a rabbit hole, it can help bring you back to the hamburger only,. IME.

Going to a shelter is a good way to get yourself out, safe, WITH people who understand your situation and signal the kind of distress and danger you're leaving and leaving the children IN. Maybe take the SG with you.  I worry very much for her. 

Protecting the GC will be very tricky, bc she's trauma bonded to her mother and it's taken many years to go this far into that wood.  It will take a while to get her out AND that's IF  you can find a way to make her safe enough to come out. 

I've noticed the kids are mostly on their own with the PDs, particularly after giving statements about the abuse, and they shouldn't be abandoned if at all possible.  There can be supervised visitation set up, and held in place until the PD figures out they CANNOT abuse/alienate or kept in place, bc they can't stop. 

I doubt your stbx can stop, btw.  Having information on the visitation companies around you...... names of possible friends and family members who can supervise is good.... in case you line up your evidence well enough to show a Judge your children are being harmed by their mother and need protections...... know what your options are, have the paperwork filled out for there's paperwork involved and always alway always talk about these things with the children's best interests in mind.

Always talk about the stbx with compassion.

Always talk about helping the stbx be the best parent she can be, but you don't let anyone minimize the harm she's doing now.  Calmly redirect the conversation back to protections and supporting the mother daughter relationships as best you can..... rinse and repeat. 

Once your eyes flash, one you start spitting out emotional statements and raising your voice...... people don't hear you, they assume you're trying to gut your opponent and both of your are lying.

Be calm.  Again..... just the hamburger and KNOW YOUR EVIDENCE WELL.  Share what you can prove and leave out the crazy pd stuff that makes YOU appear unhinged just saying it. 

Know it's difficult for people to understand a mother DOING what your stbx is doing..... to her family, her children, you and her SELF.  How can you explain that in it's simplest form, so that people come to an accurate conclusion on their own..... for you must tell your story without expectation. 

You must share facts, without expectation to leave room for your listeners to come to their own conclusions and ACT on your behalf with ghusto, bc telling them they MUST Do, FEEL, ACT can backfire badly, my friend.

I think of exp;laining in this style as speaking to a nervous bird or to children...... you automatically keep your voice level and low when speaking to little children, right?  You give very simple eplanations and you keep things short.

Pretend you're speaking to small children, then, to help you stay level and please please treat stupid questions as
OPPORTUNITIES TO EDUCATE YOUR LISTENERS.

They will likely ask stupid questions..... like..... "What did you DO to the stbx to MAKE HER ACT THAT way?"

Be ready for it.  Have an answer to educate your questioner and deliver it without expectation, with just the hamburger and without emotion....... so they can come to their own conclusions.

You can suggest things, but do not TELL the people in charge what THEY MUST DO...... that's for your attorney to do.  Never you.  You are simply asking for your evidence to be seen and understood so the people in charge suggest the tough things, like supervised visitation, taking the girls out of a harmful situation with their mother and perhaps installing you in the family home with the girls to keep their routines regular and lives as normal as possible. 

Remember, you never want to say you want to get the mum OUT of their lives.  You want to foster the best possible relationship and help the mum be the best parent she can be.  You don't know what kind of help stbx needs, but it's come to a point of crisis you can no longer pretend is temporary or will get bettter..... bc it's getting worse and the children are suffering. 

You'd stay IF you believed being in the house could protect the girls, but you see now..... very clearly..... the adult conflict is harming the children in ways that terrify you and you know the children need intervention......... the alienation and forcing the children to take sides and be cruel to you and the SG isn't something you feel you can in any way avoid at this point and it breaks your heart. 

You want everyone in the family to be OK, including the stbx. 

STBX is going to do what most divorce litigants do, btw.  She's going to be telling lies and making outrageus accusations in every direction, TOO many directions and you'll be the calm, consistent parent who's focusing on the children, doing what he can to protect the children, researching therapists and situations to help the children.... the children the children the children.

You don't focus on the PD and you don't use psychological terms or dx her or tell anyone what must happen.

You state the difficult facts and hope the listener can SEE what must happen and know on their own what is possible, bc that's what judges and police and domestic violence advocates DO, or are supposed to do. 

That's what your attorney should DO, though I'm often shocked at how many fail to understand the PD predicament....... it;s clear how we tell our story impacts that.  As I said, people believe every litigant is a liar and exaggerates.

Since most of us DON't even tell the worst, and the PD always exaggerates, it often appears as though everything is equal. That's why appearing to want the best possible out come for the PD, and to support the mother child relationship is important to avoid being seen as a lying exaggerating litigant willing to lash out and lie in order to get a leg up in court.

Do not whister a negative thing abot your sttbx.  Simply state your facts.... and only those you can back up clearly with evidence. Be able to put your hands on that evidence.  I organized mine in notebooks so I could find things easily and so could my attorney and the child psychologists and whomever was looking at it WITH me.  I did not leave those notebooks with anyone who wasn't MY ATTORNEY.

Making 2 copies, exactly the same, and keeping up with new evidence so it ended up in both folders was SO important.... I wish I'd figured that out years before I did.

If you notice yourself begin to blather quickly..... take a deep breathe and remind yourself.... just the hamburger...... speak as tho you're speaking to children...... only give details of events you can back up with evidence.

Very soon it will become apparent YOU ARE ALWAYS TELLING THE TRUTH. You want the best for the PD and your children, while the stbx has NO evidence and is asking for your head to be removed, which can be mistaken for a victim of domestic abuse angrily standing up to her abuser if you aren't careful not to posture as a mutual combatant in this.

Remember.... you're the calm, consistent parent doing what you can to get everyone help figuring out the unhealthy dynamics in your household, bc you realize it's beyond your ability to cope with or mitigate the harm any longer.  You stayed as long as you did,bc you wanted to believe you could, but you can't and now you're asking for help to figure this out and get everyone help.

Also, be careful about presenting evidence of all the love bombing,bc doing that ONCE comes across to your listeners as your stbx TRYING to save her marriage/be a good mother with YOU refusing to allow her to try,which will be ONE of the likely narratives she's pushing.

You stick to the harm she's done and the evidence to prove it.  The evidence the stbx's behavior has been all over the board can come out later, perhaps when there are Ts involved to help everyone understand the PD dynamics and pathologies.  YOU aren't going to be the one explaining that, IME.  You should stick to the harm you can prove and prove it clearly, very early on and have all other evidence filed and sorted. 

Deciding what evidence you need to present often becomes reactive, IME.  Your PD will blurt out a lie, making it necessary to go to your files and pull evidence to SHOW she's lying, you're telling the truth, over and over again. 

Honestly, court with a PD often comes down to disproving negatives which is one of the reasons to get the truth out early, factual with irrefutable proof so the lies the PD will tell are exposed more quickly, with less confusion and chaos manufacture.  Chaos and confusion are tools the PDs use to gain ground and  put a foot on your head, fig.  You need the court officers to SEE you as a truthful, concerned, compassionate husband and father who needs help dealing with family dysfunction you don't know how to handle.... you want them to WANT to help you in a system where court officers are often jaded and bitter and more than willing to punish everyone who forces them to deal with your case in a courtroom. 

Coming across as the person who wants to settle out of court is important. Presenting as non combative, while presenting some very negative facts about the PD should be seen as getting help for the family and not as slandering and smearing the PD.

It's difficult not to be punished for speaking the PD truths, bc some will interpret you as making up TERRIBLE things to get ahead in the courtroom.  THAT is why you MUST prove your case quickly and with economy of motion.

DO NOT LET THE PD TALK YOU OUT of filing, proving your case and getting this over with according to your plan, for she will make promises and break them, one after the other, which is allllllll chaos and confusion manufacture which I've explained is a bad thing for you and a good thing for her.

You stick to the children, getting them help and shielding them from future harm while supporting the stbx in being the best mother she can be.

At the point you're offered protections for the children there will be new problems...... wanting the kids to have as normal an experience as possible...... seeing their mother in a visitation facility, for instance, isn't ideal, but might be necessary and something you acccept without trying to fix it.... at least for a while.  IF you get that protection for your children, do not try to make it better or perfect, just know it's a block in the foundation of future protections shielding your children, if it's at all possible. 

Good luck, EM.

Breathe and keep breathing. 

Suggestion for dealing with your children going forward..... pick up the book THE PARALLEL PROCESS by Krissy Pozatek.  It's full of good ideas that demystify all the angst and pain around children's lashing out and suffering in your space. 

You will be served well by creating some emotional distance from your children's suffering so you're able to respond to it and be responsive to get them help in the best possible way. 

Being stuck in their suffering WITH them, feeling their pain and getting paralyzed by it, makes it impossible to be responsive and creative in finding ways to alleviate their sufffering, IME.

[escapingman]

There is absolutely no chance I can taker the girls. 1) GC would fight me to come, she would fight being there, she is so brain washed at the moment. She spends all day long with having uNPDw feeding her lies and opinions. 2) uNPDw would very likely classify it as kidnapping and contact the police. At the moment I have no legal right to take them and move them in somewhere else. I can probably take them for a holiday, but not much more than that. But, I can't even invite GC to do the smallest thing without her complaining why her mum wasn't invited. I will need to play this clever, but I cannot control the situation as it is impossible to know how she will react. I don't think she will be violent to the girls, but I can't be sure. She most likely will roll out the red carpet for them and love bomb them. The rage will be against me. I am considering if I am better off fighting from the near, and keep recording and report her if she steps over the mark. But this is a fight I have been scared of, hence my hesitation for years.

Found some cloud storage and it's actually not that expensive. I think I will sign up and upload all my work and personal files.

[escapingman]

In response to hhaw and probably others too, getting so tired and mixing things up. But, no I have no one to go to where we live. I am building up a few friendships which STBX actively tries to ruin, trying to get the girls some friendships at the same time which STBX also tries to ruin. My family lives in another country, the absolutely ideal would be to move there with the kids - but going there for anything other than holiday without STBX approval would probably count as kidnapping.  I probably should call one of the free helplines for suggestions about what to do, but I don't feel like I want to, stupid I know. It seems to be very little I can do the coming days other than just try to survive, but I will use the time to plan and take stock.

I am not sure how severe abuse it is in this country for swearing and degrading me in front of the kids, if it warrants her removal or not. I doubt it. But I will talk to the solicitor about all options. I just politely said no to STBX and got a mouth full in front of the girls, was called names, lazy and also accused for sitting in a cesspit (my office). I have several reasons to say no, but didn't feel I needed to explain so just said no. Then GC started hurling abuse at me as well, joining STBX in degrading me. Only yesterday did STBX lie and tell me that she is not back chatting me and trying to turn the kids against me. She is really starting to paint herself into a corner with all her lies. Whilst all these was going on, I sat quiet as engaging makes it 10 times worse. SG was standing looking said and when they were all leaving the house she looked at me waving and blew me kisses.

I honestly think that STBX should be sectioned, she is sick. You really must have wiring going complete a walk in your head if you one minute can tell someone how much you love them and then the next wish them dead. Anyway, this is not about her. It's about me. I need to get some energy from somewhere and try to get all my documentation, voice recordings and photos in order so I can present a case. I have always wanted to spare her any punishments, but why should I when she would not spare me any?

[hhaw]

Maybe plan a " work" trip away so you can focus on organizing your evidence without distraction.

It's important and necessary to put together the best case u can.  It's important you rest and recover so you're in control, on task and less likely to be reactive.

[escapingman]

I think there might be another way, but need to discuss this with solicitor. She mentioned non molestation order before, which I didn't really pay that much attention to. If I can get that, it will make it illegal for STBX to talk badly to me and/or the children. If she would still do it and I got evidence, she could face prison. This might be an avenue to explore. I have enough evidence to the non molestation order in place, it will be hard work but if I get it that could make the difference.