Still being brought down from doubts parents pushed despite trying to challenge

[dealzz15]

Hi, I'm still having trouble with my insecurities and doubts about myself and I can't break it. I'm trying so hard to do everything I can to build myself up and not feel the shame that my parents pushed on to me but its not working. I still feel so down about myself even though I'm able to recognize that I'm too hard on myself for things that aren't even mistakes or bad and I'm beating up myself for not doing things perfectly and think that its a mistake when I don't get it exactly right. I also realized that my insecurities and fears about other people reactions come from my parents because its the parts of me that they criitized and I have always seen as wrong. All my life they have torn me down and highlighted what I did wrong to a point where I didn't know my strengths or could see myself doing anything right.

If anyone has advice about what to do I'd appreciate it. I know now that I have so many qualities about myself that are good and really just want to focus on them and expand and build myself to a better person but the negative still affects me even when I tell myself that I know that its not true there's evidences that its not true and challenge it

[Boat Babe]

That all sounds very painful and I extend an internet hug to you. May I suggest you wrap your head around the concept and practice of mindful self compassion. It's a model and technique that is simple to understand and to do. I can't recommend it highly enough. https://self-compassion.org/

[Happypants]

Hi dealzz15.  I'm so sorry you're going through this.  It's exhausting, isn't it?  Not sure how relevant my advice is given that I'm gaining more emotional distance from my family.  But when self-shaming hits me, it hits me very, very hard.  And when it does, I double down on my awareness that it's their programming, that I do indeed have faults but that i'm not inherently "bad" even if I've done something wrong, and that i'm inherently good (as most people are).  Maintaining awareness of those facts is huge but requires actual conscious effort and pushing against the compulsion to give in and ruminate on my "badness" (that rumination can actually feel extremely rewarding - thanks brain  ).  For me, it comes in waves and cycles depending on what's going on with family, but I've experienced enough of those waves and can anticipate the cycle.  I know that the feeling of shame is temporary, and that also helps it to dissipate. You're not alone   

[SeaBreeze]

Kris Godinez recently posted a video on Imposter Syndrome and discussed how that and perfectionism stem from being shamed by our FOO. I certainly and sadly can relate. Maybe some of her points will resonate with you?

https://www.youtube.com/live/5VK17Oyrt4o?feature=shared