fed up (and more detail)

[mcmlxxix]

Hi.  I introduced myself, but there's been a lot going on.  First of all, I'm female and married, 3 children.  We're stuck crammed in with my mom and her husband.  My husband has my mom on a pedestal.  She controls and manipulates.  She takes over everything and I generally feel powerless to do anything about it because even if I do something "myself" I get harassed if I don't do it on her terms.  Then she does the things herself that she disrupted me from doing and portrays me as unable or unwilling to do them.  I'm married to a guy from India and even a lot of Americans don't know about people like that, but it's even worse among Indians.  Indians also don't talk much about healthy marriage relationships.  (I'm glad for anyone who may have had a different experience, but that's mine.)  We have a 16 year old boy and girls 12 and 9.  I'll tell you about my mom's husband later sometime.  Anyway, I've been fed up.  Some of those reasons are ones I just listed, but there are other reasons.  Thanks for listening.

[GentleSoul]

Sorry to read of the difficult situation you are in.

What really helped me was reading the Toolbox section on this lovely forum.  I was able to find lots of useful techniques to help me cope with the PD's in my life.

[PeanutButter]

Hi.  I introduced myself, but there's been a lot going on.  First of all, I'm female and married, 3 children.  We're stuck crammed in with my mom and her husband.  My husband has my mom on a pedestal.  She controls and manipulates.  She takes over everything and I generally feel powerless to do anything about it because even if I do something "myself" I get harassed if I don't do it on her terms.  Then she does the things herself that she disrupted me from doing and portrays me as unable or unwilling to do them.  I'm married to a guy from India and even a lot of Americans don't know about people like that, but it's even worse among Indians.  Indians also don't talk much about healthy marriage relationships.  (I'm glad for anyone who may have had a different experience, but that's mine.)  We have a 16 year old boy and girls 12 and 9.  I'll tell you about my mom's husband later sometime.  Anyway, I've been fed up.  Some of those reasons are ones I just listed, but there are other reasons.  Thanks for listening.

Wow! I certianly understand how you could be fed up. Im sorry you are experiencing this while dealing with the 'locked in' situation.

Your mom sounds like she is competing with you for an audience (your husbands).

I would probably snap.
I guess it would be better to not 'give' her any emotional reactions. Ime a calm  to her lame immature behaviors would feel pretty good

I found studying the toolbox here on this forum enlightening and helpful.

Now calmly 'responding' instead of emotionally 'reacting' helps me to feel in control of situations that previously caused me to feel helpless.