better awareness of my dad's uNPD

[OneOneSeven]

A week ago I was assaulted by 2 security guards at my dorm for no good reason. I defended myself out of self preservation and fear. My uNdad found ways to twist the story and make it my fault. I had to come home after the fight happened. I avoided him as much as I could. This triggered him. "You are making all our lives difficult. After all I did for you, this is how you show appreciation!" Hey used religion to his side. Saying things like God won't help you get your life together if you don't cherish those who sacrificed everything for you. What's funny is that my life is a complete mess because of his psychotic possessiveness. He picked my major, my school, basically my entire future. And now everytime I fail to be a grateful slave, I get destroyed emotionally and physically. I might be catastrophizing his behaviour. I am slowly shifting my hatred into objectivity. He is just sick. I want to seek revenge. But what I want more than that is to be the bigger man that I know I am. I should just leave him at peace with himself. I wish I can go NC. Even if the logistics are in place, it would only make me a reaction to their illness. Thank God for this website. As he was lashing out on me, I couldn't help but observe his manipulative tactics. The way he shifts my arguments. It feels like he doesn't care about coming up with a proper solution. He just wants to build up a dissociated case that he is absolutely right, and it is all my fault. I could see now what absorbing his insanity did to me. My low self esteem, my indecisiveness, my weakness. All come (mostly) from him.
This time I am aware. I know what is going on. I somehow feel more in control. I am going through a milestone.

[SonofThunder]

OneOneSeven,

Im so sorry about your assault experience, but proud of you in your self-defense.  Im also sorry your uNdad twisted the event toward you and tries to control your life. 

Im encouraged to read of your newfound awareness, PD education and increasing self control.  Great job.  I was also raised by a uNPDf.  My father used creatively controlling assets to put me in frequent lose-lose situations so I would remain in his control.  This was especially the case when i was your age, and away from his home, as he manipulated and grasped to retain control at all costs. 

In my experiences, I had to steadily free myself from his control, by choosing a bit of hardship, yet it was invigorating hardship, because it came attached to freedom from control, as I steadily exercised my adult rights and desired independence. 

For example, my uPDf was paying for my higher education and used that for control. I eventually worked at jobs to pay for my own education.  I also was supplied a vehicle by my uPDf, but that also was used in control, so through my jobs, and adult-rights age was able to secure my own vehicle and insurance. 

Every one of these moves of independence caused my uPDf to scramble for the control he was losing, but eventually i was free from the lose-lose situations, guiding my own decisions and path. Lots of hard work and long days of combined schooling and jobs, but SO well worth my steady erosion-like ways of removing assets of control from my life. 

Are you able to identify any assets of control that may have been put in place (they may seem generous, privileged and kind to outsiders) and used by your uNdad for control?  Assets of control that in his desperate grasping events, he uses to put you in lose-lose situations?   If so, can you also brainstorm steady erosion-like ways to politely, eventually refuse these supplied 'generous' assets in the name of your desired, growing, adult 'independence'? 

SoT

[mary_poppins]

I actually consider the discovery or awareness of our parent's narcissism or PD a success in itself. You are above the veil of consciousness (aka aware) if you understand why he abuses you and how. Stay in this awareness and you'll be on your way to NC and healing.
Imagine being someone who never got to discover the real problem and just blamed themselves for their parent's behaviour, while staying in contact and just surviving life.