Am I enjoying saying "no" too much?

[Sneezy]

I will admit that there is a benefit to the coronavirus.  It has greatly reduced the number of outings that I've had with mom.  It's given me a good opportunity to reflect on how often I want to see her and what I want to do when we do see each other.  I have decided that, even when life returns to normal, I am not her taxicab, her tour guide, or her means to while away time when she's bored.

For now, I've been using the virus as an excuse (justifiably, I think) to not drive her all over town to various stores, etc.  But as my area opens up, mom has been pushing more.  It has become a big deal to her to get out.  She claims the walls are closing in on her.  And I keep saying no.  I haven't been to a store (other than for groceries) since March and I don't miss it.  Even if there wasn't a virus, I just don't enjoy wandering up and down the aisles at The Dollar Tree to keep mom entertained.  I do see her once a week, usually we order takeout or eat outside somewhere.  But the guilt is starting up in the back of my head.  Am I saying "no" to her demands out of concern for her safety or out of spite?  Is it wrong that it feels good to say no?

[nanotech]

I think it's pretty normal that it feels so good. We used to say yes too often to relieve the pressure, then our gut would say no, but it would be too late.
Now, you are following your gut- it's why it feels so sweet. Your authentic voice is out and proud!
Plus, you are keeping her safer. Both are excellent reasons for not hitting the shops!
I don't like aimless shopping either. I haven't missed it either!
You really don't have to feel sad about not taking her.
After the pandemic I don't want to
go back to meals out with my elderly father.  I'm getting on in years too, and I'm going to call on some of my own health issues to get me out of those trips out.

[Psuedonym]

Am I saying "no" to her demands out of concern for her safety or out of spite?

I would say neither. You're saying no because you have new boundaries. Covid has allowed you to override your (false) guilt in order to put them up, but that's okay. I. quoted Richard Grannon in another post but the summary is: if you've never not felt this level of guilt you don't know what its like not to feel guilty all the time. Either 'concern' or 'spite' is centered around, guess what, her. Everything is in relation to her. Boundaries are for you.

Is it wrong that it feels good to say no?

No, that's actually a very good sign. The most important thing you can do is to learn to put yourself and your feelings first, as unnatural as it feels.

[Sneezy]

You're saying no because you have new boundaries. Covid has allowed you to override your (false) guilt in order to put them up, but that's okay.

Now, you are following your gut- it's why it feels so sweet. Your authentic voice is out and proud!

You are both correct, as usual 

Setting boundaries gets easier with time.  This past week, I was asked to take on two major volunteer positions at my church.  One I've done before and never want to do again.  The other is one I would really like to tackle someday, maybe when I'm retired.  It wasn't easy, but I was able to say "no" to both without feeling too much guilt.  They will ask again, and I can say "yes" when it's the right time for me.

As far as my mom, this is a good opportunity for me to reset things.  In the past, I was just too quick to ask "how high" every time she said "jump."

The way I've been looking at the virus and lockdown is that we all have to decide for ourselves what we will and won't do.  For example, I feel safe getting my hair cut, but I have not been inside the gym since February.  I have friends who are going to the gym, but they won't go near a hair salon.  These are personal decisions, based on what is important to each of us, and the level of risk we are willing to take.  So . . . when things get back to somewhat normal, I need to keep this frame of mind.  I get to say "yes" to those things that are important to me and "no" to those things that I don't want to do.