Triggered by him constantly

[Lucky3]

Hi all,
I have been married to uNPDH for 37 years. I have been my mothers scapegoat from the very beginning (now VLC with her but she still manages some toxic reminder each time).  Over the past year with help from T I have come Out of the FOG fully.  He has never loved me, I have been his supply.  So now I need to plan an escape from his madness.  Left me when I was pregnant with 2nd child because I asked for some responsibility and care, he said I don't think so and lived with his girlfriend for six months until she got sick of him then he mooched around for the next six months, and I let him back I felt so sorry for my little son, so first round of T sessions. Went interstate with him for a new start, had another child, became isolated  I had no friends to call on, no job became his doormat completely.   His behavior returned to what it was, controlling, invalidating just unbelievably selfish.  Second round of counselling together 5 years ago, he changed a little for a while, but the T set me on a course of discovery about my FOO and about my FIL and now the FOG has lifted with him.  Its so painful to look into all those behaviors from him all these years. I thought I would start the process of separation this week and have divided some important documents, then I thought I will throw away his gifts ( I did that with my mothers crap gifts very liberating) I had nothing to throw away I do not even have a wedding ring just a cheap dress ring on my wedding finger I am spending as little amount of time with him, and I am noticing my adult children actually have been doing that for some time also.   They still live with us.   He is not doing well with his loss of supply, when he is not here it is wonderful and kids and I enjoy our time together.  He is constantly listening, coughing, talking loudly to the cats.  I have been going to bed at 7.30pm getting up well before him, going to different parts of house, it is so difficult to stay MC, getting away from him permanently will take time, I am going for walks, doing yoga at home, listening to music, trying crafts, the last 20 years I have suffered a lot of insomnia which has intensified.  The adrenaline has been working overtime, trying to get back to T.
Does anyone have any other ideas, that have helped them through a similar challenging time.

[Penny Lane]

Hi Lucky,
I'm glad you found your way to this board. It sounds like you're having a really tough time and you're doing everything right, removing yourself from his presence and MCing. I recommend the toolbox at the top of the page if you haven't already looked through it. There are some other techniques that might help out as well.

What's next for you? Are you looking for strategies for being around him, or strategies for leaving? Either way, you are strong, you can handle whatever you need to.

[PeanutButter]

Lucky 3,
I definately relate to abusive foo is my origional wound. UnpdxH contolled me for years. Insomnia that was extremely severe. Very little to know sleep. Ruminating thoughts with very high anxiety.
Granted I am now safely NC with all my abusers, but the effects lingered on even with physical distance.
I do simple breathing exercises to relax. I meditate. I listen to audio entrainment every night at bedtime.
All of these have calmed my over active central nervous system so I can be relaxed. I sleep so much better now that my brain is rewiring itself.
My bodys energy field centers, the chakras, were blocked and/or sluggish. IMO This directly correlated to physical problems I have. So I also do exercises to clear/free these.
Im so glad you are taking care of yourself now.

[Lucky3]

Hi Peanut Butter, thank you for the reply  to know that other non's have been through their own journey of trauma and have got through to the other side is remarkably strengthening.  I am doing similar relaxing  methods, my insomnia makes life so difficult to go forward, but I will, one day like you I will be out and NC.
Hi Penny Lane, thank you also for your reply and extra thanks for your virtual hug.  Next for me is appoint with T to help with strategies, at mo I am doing exactly that removing myself from him and MCing.  I have read many inspiring stories of courage on these pages of others getting out and staying out and having a life of peace. That is my dream.