My therapist said it's time to make plans to leave my wife

[Jsinjin]

It's very hard at 25 years with three kids.   I've been through so much and my brain tends to whitewash over the bad parts but they continue to show through.    I have spent the last year secretly renovating a small cottage in the town where we live and it's nearly finished.   My wife has pretty strong (undiagnosed) OCPD and the disorder causes such random screaming at me and the kids.   I hide from her in the mornings; we have piles of receipts, baby toys and clothes (youngest child is now 14), kids are depressed and the middle one asks "why does mommy yell so much".   I can't believe the fear I live in.   I don't call it abuse in the sense of being hit or degraded but I'm completely ignored, made to feel worthless, we have been intimate only in the times it took to conceive children, I've given up career choices and opportunities, watched the house we built degrade into rotting for fear of fixing things wrong and I am on antidepressants and so are two of my children.   

I talked to my counselor who understand PD spouses and she reinforces that the upset behavior will exist whether we are married or not.  I enjoy my breaks from her on business travel more than being home.

I guess I just have to push forward no matter the fear.

[Poison Ivy]

Separating or divorcing a spouse can indeed be scary.  Here's something I recommend for anyone who is considering ending a relationship:  find and make copies of all important financial documents and all documents that have legal significance.  Examples:  mortgage, tax forms, rental agreements, car title, passports, Social Security cards, bank accounts, other financial accounts (e.g., investments, retirement accounts, IRAs).  Heck, I think this is a good thing to do even for people not thinking about ending a relationship.  Once you have copies, put either the copies or the originals in a safe place that is accessible only to you, so that you're prepared to take them with you if you need to leave the family residence suddenly or on short notice.

[Spygirl]

I agree with what poison ivy said. I also think its brilliant that you have been able to create a safe place for yourself.

I am at the end stage of divorcing my pd husband. He is very paranoid and has alcoholism. I was also raged at about anything and everything, it was my fault, always. I really mean that. He once told me he did not get a promotion because of a stupid outfit i wore to a party!  I totally get the fear you have. I also have to say that in my experience, its a manipulation to control you. Once i got away and into therapy, i was able to start getting control of my brain back. I tell people i was married to a vampire, something they may be able to understand. Nonone seems to believe you are being abused if you dont have bruises. Now his rage and insults bounce off me. Hes a sick man. I have pity for him.

Here is a huge hug for you and your kids! I promise it will get better, and you will get rest over the first months away! That will give you strength.