Attorney now involved

[Blackbird11]

Need to vent.

In process of divorce. Still living with uPDh.

I was trying to do this without attorneys because it would be cheaper that way, but uPDh thinks he's entitled to an amount of money that I don't even have access to. Honestly, if I made enough money or had it saved, I would give it to him to go away. Unfortunately, I do not.

He knows this, but he also knows that even though my family is not wealthy, they were always good with money. So his master plan has been to stay in the house and wear me down until I ask them to give him something to go away.

I wasn't going to ask them for anything - they have given us A LOT. Literally helped us survive the first two year's of my son's life/pay for childcare because my uPDh was irresponsibly spending left and right.

However, one of my family members recently asked how things were going, so I told them. They were so appalled to hear what he was asking for, and his behavior, so they offered to loan me the money for a proper attorney/retainer. THANK GOD.

Fast forward to today: I have the attorney secured and told uPDh, who started to freak out and told me how I'm a liar who promised I wasn't going to get an attorney involved, and that I violated his trust. He keeps saying I told him not to get a lawyer, which - of course - is not true. I've been telling him to get a lawyer the entire 1.5 years we've been separated. At one point early in the process, I told him that I spoke to a lawyer and advised he do the same. MULTIPLE TIMES. Documented - b/c he is exactly the type of person to lie and say that I told him not to get an attorney. (CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH, THE IMPORTANCE OF DOCUMENTTION OF ALL INTERACTIONS AND CONVERSATIONS).

So I don't care what he says at this point because it's all lies. Although he was saying that he's going to "expose me" - whatever that means. He was threatening to show videos and release recorded conversations. I'm actually ok with that - I've been so very careful in every interaction with him, and even when he's not home. I've always assumed that he has me under constant surveillance. I don't think I've said one thing out of line. And that's all thanks to everyone on here - sharing your experiences and giving advice. So thank you all.

Anyway - I feel like this is going to reach a new level of crazy now that I have the attorney. I'm just praying I can get him out of the house by the end of this month. I can't do another holiday season with him. He refuses to agree to a consistent child custody schedule and will just use the holidays to manipulate/emotionally abuse me even more than last year.

[notrightinthehead]

I hope it will go well for you!

[Penny Lane]

You probably already know this, but this is doubly triply quadruply true during the divorce process: If he is complaining about something you're doing, it probably means it's a good idea. The more ardently he claims you're being unfair to him (or whatever), the more likely it is that you're simply doing what's best for you.

I'm glad you've taken this step! You're probably right that he'll escalate in the short term, but it seems like it will move things along whereas now he's just dragging his feet.

Good luck! I hope you get him out of there ASAP!

[GettingOOTF]

I too am glad you took this step. My ex thought he was entitled to all sorts of things and made all kinds of demands that I now see were to keep me off balance.

I got an attorney. My attorney wasn't even that good and I ended up having to pay a second attorney but my ex walked away with nothing in the end.

He's likely relying on being able to push you around as he has done in the past. When I left my ex had to get a job and start taking care of all the things I used to do. There was nothing in it for him if I left. He desperately wanted to keep living the life he had with me, that's what it boiled down to in the end.

You likely will experience a new level of crazy but that's because of what Penny Lane says - if he's complaining then it's a good idea for you to do it.

Keep moving forward, keep your eye on the prize - your divorce.  You are doing the right thing and you have support here.

[Blackbird11]

Thanks everyone! I'll let you know if I'm able to successfully get him out of the house this month. Fingers crossed.