Boundary back-fire

[HeadAboveWater]

On the (sound) advice of this forum, I started using medium chill with some folks. I also started carefully considering who gets access to personal information about me. My inner life feels so much more calm using this and other methods to keep drama in relationships lessened. As such,  I am less likely to vomit out overly personal information to anyone in earshot.

Accordingly, I kept some medical symptoms private from family members for over a year. It was an unpleasant year of 9 doctors appointments for this condition alone, waiting months for diagnostic testing, multiple scans and jabs, tons of money spent. Recently, one of my docs gave me the "all clear" to resume normal activities without worry that I have a serious condition. Afterwards, I came to find out that the symptoms that triggered serious concern are from a benign medical condition that runs in my family. If we had mutual trust to discuss such things, I would have known so much earlier and been spared much angst, time, discomfort, and cost.

In one sense, all's well that ends well. In another, I am so mentally exhausted and sad that my issue could not have been more easily evaluated.

[Hazy111]

Add that to the many problems that come with  being part of  a dysfunctional disordered family .    :yes:But at least theres good news!

[Cat of the Canals]

I went through something similar a few years ago. It was before I was fully Out of the FOG, but I just couldn't bring myself to tell PDmom what was really going on, because I couldn't deal with the anxiety she would have dumped on me. Dealing with my own was more than enough, thanks.

I even have reason to believe my final diagnosis is something that runs in the family - my mother once mentioned her sister having similar symptoms, but only briefly and in passing - that whole side of the family is big on rugsweeping. Mom's first comment after I explained how the surgery went and the chronic illness I was diagnosed with was, "So you're healed now?" No, mom. That's what CHRONIC ILLNESS means. She has repeatedly made comments since then that suggest she believes I am cured.  I do not discuss my ongoing symptoms or issues with her, so in her mind, no complaints mean I'm miraculously healed, I guess.

I'm sorry you had all this additional stress to deal with. But even if you had shared your health concerns with your family, there's no guarantee their reaction or information would have truly eased your mind that much. PDs have a way of taking a small nugget of drama and blowing it way out of proportion. My PDmil is a perfect example. While I was waiting to have my surgery and biopsy, I had to get a blood test for a certain cancer marker. It came back positive. Now, every single doctor told me, "Given your age and family history, cancer is very unlikely, and the condition we think you have often gives false positives. Please don't panic." So while I was doing my best to NOT panic over the test, PDmil kept telling my husband about all of the people she knew who died of this particular kind of cancer and how, "I think it's cancer, I really do."  PDmil has since been put on a strict info diet.