Cut her out, now i lose other family members too? :(

Started by yorkie, January 05, 2019, 12:15:14 PM

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RavenLady

#40
February 26, 2019, 09:16:22 PM
yorkie, how are things going? You still doing okay?

I was thinking about what you wrote about how you don't regret telling your aunt. I think that's so healthy. It was spot-on to speak your truth in that moment and it seems to me, if I recall, an important thing happened. You got the poison out, like you say, and it was really emotional, right? Like a very intense physical experience? And your aunt *at the time* was the audience you needed. Your sick M hadn't got to her yet. And she was supportive of you emotionally, to a large degree, right? Well, that kind of listening with that kind of physical release of trauma is absolutely the stuff, biologically, of healing. That's what Dr. Levine wrote about in In An Unspoken Voice. So I think your aunt actually helped heal you from the trauma. And that's what makes it so sick that your sick M would use your aunt to further break your heart. It's just really sick. She's trying to retraumatize you, and that is just so wrong. So I feel really bad you are going through that part, but really relieved you still got your healing from your aunt. It seems like it is still a huge net positive for you and I am happy for you.

I hope the healing continues and more and more you can put all this sickness far behind you and out of your life. What your mother did and continues to do to you is utterly shameful, and the shame is entirely hers, 100% on her. None of it is on you. And you have a right to a healing life from here on out. Period.

Hugs!
sometimes in the open you look up
to see a whorl of clouds, dragging and furling
your whole invented history. You look up
from where you're standing, say
among the stolid mountains,
and in that moment your life
becomes the margin
of what matters
-- Terry Ehret

yorkie

#41
December 18, 2019, 08:05:50 AM
So sorry to reply to this so late, I had problems as my computer broke and then just a lot of other things got in the way this year and I kept meaning to come back but didn't have the strength as I wanted to forget all about my mother (it did work, mostly).
''Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads.''

yorkie

#42
December 18, 2019, 08:10:19 AM
Thank you Raven Lady, yes you're correct. My aunt did appear to believe me during the phone call when I told her about the abuse. She only changed her mind after she spoke to my mother, I think. It's still one of the best things I've ever done, it still feels like a huge burden lifted from me. I haven't thought about my mother or aunt most of the year. I had a few flashbacks of the abuse but I coped ok. I'm getting there, and there' no turning back, ever again. I think they are maybe trying to use my grandfather to get to me (he sends me money at birthdays and christmas). It will not work.
''Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads.''

RavenLady

#43
December 24, 2019, 03:16:15 AM
Yorkie, SO happy to hear you are okay and moving on with your life. Seeing your post and knowing you landed on both feet made my day! I'm so impressed by you! I haven't been on Out of the FOG as much lately but it was great to log in and see this.

Keep taking excellent care of you!
sometimes in the open you look up
to see a whorl of clouds, dragging and furling
your whole invented history. You look up
from where you're standing, say
among the stolid mountains,
and in that moment your life
becomes the margin
of what matters
-- Terry Ehret

yorkie

#44
December 31, 2019, 04:07:52 AM
Thank you so much RavenLady  :) I hope you had a nice Christmas and wish you all the best in the new year  ;D Thank you for your help.
''Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads.''
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