"The Empathy Trap: Understanding Antisocial Personalities" by Jane McGregor

[Chalice]

Full Title ... The Empathy Trap: Understanding Antisocial Personalities

Amazon

This was a really good book. It gives an introductory chapter to sociopathy, but most of the focus is on the aftermath of relationships and recovery for survivors.

So far, it seems to be the only piece of work that also addresses the role of apaths in enabling and perpetuating abuse by sociopaths. The feeling of indifference allows them to disconnect from their conscience so they can turn a blind eye when they witness abuse, deny it, or even join in on the smear campaigns and gaslighting. But they do still have a conscience and can feel empathy. Likewise, an ordinarily empathic person can switch to apathy.

Has anyone else read it?

[MyEyesROpen]

I am reading this at the moment and it is a very helpful book for anyone who has come into contact with a sociopath and needs help.

The authors use the term sociopath to encompass all those personality disordered individuals with low empathy levels such as border lines, narcissists and anti socials.

It gives excellent advice for setting boundaries, going NC, avoiding triggers and how to move on afterwards. Here's a summary of a few nuggets of advice offered.........

Learn to accept what you cannot change.

Finding acceptance may entail having more good days than bad days. You can't change the past but you can make new connections and meaningful new relationships.

Say to yourself...be here, now...if you find yourself ruminating on the situation for too long. Focus on the sights, sounds, smells and textures around you.

If others criticise your decision, remember it is probably your freedom of spirit and your nonconformity that is triggering their social anxiety. There's nothing wrong with you.

The one advantage you have over sociopaths is that you can change, whereas they can't. They lack the insight to learn from their mistakes, but you don't.

If you get good or bad news that affects your mood, dwelling on the past or seeking out the sociopath will not change the news or help the situation.

Be realistic about what you can achieve. Forget perfection.

Don't be afraid to say no.

Choose to be happy.

[Hardtoletgo]

Very good, very helpful and excellent advice. Too often we beat ourselves up over things that we have no power over and moving  forward is impossible if you're always living in the past.

Thank you for sharing this!

[focusahead]

Thanks for the recommendation.  Some of those points are important for me to consider right now.  I'm at 1.5 years NC but still haunted by the memories (PTSD) of my raging, bewildering, disturbed uNPD ex.  I'm working on accepting what happened and stopping the shame and wasted time trying to change the past.  The past won't go away.  But I let it affect the present far too much. 

[Auda]

Thank you for sharing, I am guilty about worrying about the future too much. This was helpful. I find it interesting that she lumps people with PDs such as Borderline PD into the sociopath category. The experience I had with multiple people with PD is that they ALL lacked empathy, perhaps those were just the ones that stood out in my life.