My psychological situation vs my life goals

[iwillrise]

I am a 19 year-old who has been through abuse throughout his life. I have developed CPTSD and I have severe depression, dissociation and apathy. Basically, as far as I can see, my psyche is ruined, and that is logical given that I have been through trauma through all of my most important developmental stages.

The thing is, I am a very determined person and I want to achieve financial freedom, be able to travel the world, and do whatever I want. I have pondered for months about my life and I came to believe that according to my financial situation, the only thing that can get me to the above goals is starting social media since you can get popular without spending money and you can make a large portion of money through it.

But the problem is -as I mentioned- I have severe depression, I have inner critic attacks 24/7 telling me that I am not perfect enough or good enough, I am dissociated, and I don't know what I love (so that I can make videos about it) since all I feel towards anything is shame and guilt (yup, the damages are that strong).

So, can I start, let's say a youtube channel, or a blog, or a podcast with my current psychological situation? Or do I have to get into treatment for 2 or 3 years then start doing that?

I want an answer from someone that can relate to my situation, it would be preferable if you could mention your story too. Thanks.

[SeaGlass]

Iwillrise, I have a son a few years older than you. The way you describe yourself is almost exactly how he describes himself. I wish he could see what I see when I look at him. I see a brave, intelligent, and sensitive soul. He has been through the trauma of living with his father,my soon to be ex who has ubpd, and a sister with severe anxiety, all while dealing with his own anxieties and depression.

He wants to rise above where he is and what he has been through too. He has been to therapy and on medication. He does not want to do those anymore right now.

Soon we will no longer be living in the same home as my husband, and I think that distance will help immensely. I have suggested he see a life coach, to help him see things more optimistically and to help him set some goals.
At first he was not willing too, but he seems to be coming around to the idea.

Perhaps a life coach would be helpful to you. I am sure that like my son you have so much to offer and a bright future ahead of you that you get to choose.

[athene1399]

I don't see why you can't start a youtube channel if that's what you want to do. Just keep in mind that success isn't instantaneous and it takes a lot of work. But you sound motivated. However, I know my depression acts up if I think I'm going to get a good result with something and it doesn't quite turn out like I wanted.

For example I enjoy writing. It's my side job. I've released a bunch of books on Amazon. I've made hardly any money in comparison to the work I put in. I've started writing projects with other publishers that work with best sellers and I ended up paying for a book cover and editor and not seeing the profits come back. I also spend a lot of time on social media and blogging about the writing. I've been doing it for almost ten years. So, if you want to start a youtube channel for yourself because you will love what you are doing on it, then do it. Doing something you enjoy is so rewarding. However, I have a day job because at this point, writing still doesn't pay any bills. But I enjoy doing it. I work through a lot of my trauma through writing about my characters and the traumatic pasts I give them. It has helped me to work through a lot of my mental stuff. I've had depression for as long as I can remember. Although within the last five years it has been mild and almost non-existent. I have never felt that I couldn't work due to it and it has been severe in the past. I've been able to go to work, but there were times I skipped school because I couldn't get out of bed. But I don't know what things are like for you. It sounds to me like you think your mental health will limit what you can or can't do. But maybe I am reading that wrong.

Sorry. now I am just rambling. I have a tenancy to be wordy in my posts.

[Fulcrum29SMT]

Be careful about the youtube channel though, that sort of project can get quite disheartening if you're not jumping through every hoop the algorithms want you to jump through. There are countless channels with an awesome content that never develop a significant fan base, while mediocre ones which buy some advertising skyrocket...