Borderline 22 year old daughter

[❤️broken]

Hi, This is my first post to reach out for help with families that are going through the same experience with their child. My BPD daughter has torn our family apart so much so that my only other daughter who is only 16 has been manipulated to leave home with her sister. My husband and I are devastated and the lies and betrayal has alienated us from our extended family as well. We feel completely isolated with our grief that our daughters have left in such a devastating way. The lies have left us to try and defend ourselves to the local authorities. We are trying to get on with our lives but we feel utterly broken. We love our children very much and they have always had a loving family and all we want is our children back but we feel totaly powerless. Mental health professionals and GP have told us to go home, grieve for our children and then get on with our lives there is nothing we can do. Do we give up hope? That is what the doctors are  asking for us to do.There has been no offer of help, intervention even for our 16 year old as legally in Australia she has a right to not live at home (even with a mentally ill sister). We are desperate to get help for our BPD daughter but she refuses she is the one with the problem. How do we get her to the right medical care? She is a high functioning BPD but has regular explosive abusive angry outbursts, she is painfully thin and we know she is tortured inside her mind with all the lies she has told herself. We do not want this for and her future and we worry the effect this has on our younger daughter living with her. Please we need help we feel so alone.

[coyote]

Welcome to Out of the FOG broken,
I do feel your pain as I have children myself. Unfortunately IMO there little you can control here. We have all here had to come to accept the only person we can control is ourselves. BPD is a horrible mental illness to which there is limited success with treatment. The main obstacle is just what you are seeing. The person sees no problem on their part and sees no reason to seek help.

That said there are things you can do. Focus on your own self care so you can be available should either one of your daughters want your help. If the 16 y.o, is not PD there is hope she will return home after she recognizes the issues with older sis. Let both kids know you love them when you can talk to them. Study the Toolbox here and arm yourself with Tools to support the girls but protect yourself at the same time. You will find a lot of support here on the boards so feel free to explore and post where you think best. I'm sorry you need us but glad we can be here for you.

[❤️broken]

Thank you for your feedback I suppose it's reasurring that there are families going through exactly what we are. I don't know anyone that has dealt with the same issues as we have with our daughter. It is very distressing to see her suffer and destroy every relationship around her. We will be waiting when the day comes that our youngest reaches out hopefully to us. unfortunately I think it will take a crisis with our bpd in order for us to be able to intervene with her mental illness treatment . I will go through your website and take any information that can help us with our situation x

[Starboard Song]

Welcome.

Our Toolbox is a great place to start: definitions, what to do, what not to do. And several of us include books or videos in our signatures that most helped us. Our Parents' Discussion board is likely to provide you with good practical tactics people have tried, and ever more evidence that you are not alone.

You do not have to give up.

But you probably do have to have patience. And accept risk. You probably cannot force BPD daughter into an understanding of the situation, and may have little impact on younger daughter right now. But patient, calm forbearance -- true kindness -- is worth holding out perpetually.

I wish you so much stength.

[momnthefog]

Broken,

I have a daughter with dx BPD.  It's heart breaking.  Simply heart breaking.

I've dealt with lies about the family, manipulation of younger siblings, accusations of abuse, smears on social media. She is in late 20s and her moods have settled a bit, but she still cycles through emotions and leaves a wake of destruction. 

I hope you will come to the parents board and share your story.  Many of us have walked a similar path.

momnthefog