Part of my story

[Onlyme1]

Its hard to put 20 years of abuse in short so I'll just go with where I'm at now!!  So coming to the end of a mentally abusive relationship with a covert narcissist and this is the most painful time for me as I'm in the discard stage and really struggling with my feelings at the moment. I found out that he's been in a relationship with someone else for about 5 years, it was casual and would spend the night with her probably once a week, they went on day trips together and restaurants etc... obviously lied to me and told me he was with friends. This was extremely hurtful to me although I should have known what to expect from him as he's cheated in the past. I blame myself for alot as I tolerated too much over the years. I've asked him to be respectful to my feelings and not spend his time with other females until he has left the home but he's just doesn't care, literally at all.  He threatens me with money etc..  when we get into an argument about him still being here having relationships under my nose. He pays no keep, nothing for food, rent, gas etc..  its all on me, doesn't help with the kids. He has a bad gambling problem so rarely has money but did use to pay his way, he just slowly lowered my expectations until now I cant ask for anything, not even some basic human decency or respect. I'm at a complete loss, I just don't know how to stop feeling so low with myself. I have come to terms with the fact that the relationship is over and I cannot wait for him to leave but in the mean time whilst I wait my mental health is declining and I  have never felt so low in my life.  I have no motivation to do anything to help. Can just about gather the courage to get up everyday, take the kids to school and get some work done. I feel like that's a struggle on a good day. I suppose id like to know how anyone else dealt with feeling like this, what can I do to shake these emotions of complete lows, so desperately need to pick myself up. Thanks for reading

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome! I am sorry you had to find us and glad you did.
This site is full of information and support. Please read the toolbox - especially the what to do and what not to do sections-, and the Personality disorders tabs.
If I understand you correctly, you are in the process of separating but your h still lives with you. Is there a way you can make his stay less comfortable? None of his favourite foods, drinks, at home? He sleeps on the sofa without a cushion?  The TV programme is switched to what you want to watch? Can you do that safely? Are you in danger of physical harm? If you are,  are you prepared to call the police?
Do you have support? Family? Friends? A self-help group? Counsellor? Therapist? You need support on top of the support you will find on this site.  I have found the Codependents Anonymous group very helpful myself, but that might not be for you.
YouTube is full of helpful clips and information, you will be amazed how much information is out there once you start. And there are excellent books around, my favourite is Stop Caretaking the Borderline/Narcissist by Fijelstad.

Again, I am sorry you have come to this point in your life, and glad that you reached out. Now get as much information as you can, find yourself a support system and take your first, tentative steps on your journey of healing! And keep posting!

[Starboard Song]

Welcome to Out of the FOG!

You are in the right place. Please settle in and be patient with yourself. It takes time, and this is a particularly hard time to do self-care, in a pandemic.