PD and bereavement of child

[_apparentlywicked]

One of our sibs died about 3 years ago. Me and sib were a mess as you can imagine. I've never seen dad cry about it. Not when we told him, not at the funeral, not since. He didn't have much to do with her. Seems to me he projected all his flaws on to her and as such pretty much rejected her. This probably isn't unusual for people with PD's but, oh my, seeing it in action this way is breathtaking.  I have seen him cry, when he's feeling sorry for himself, so he does have the ability to. I feel so angry that he demonized her in life and her death didn't even cause a bump in the road for him.

This leads me to two conclusions. My dad probably wouldn't cry if I died. If he did it would be for, and about him. Him not having someone to fuss over him. And it helps me step back and strengthen my boundaries.

[_apparentlywicked]

Forgot to add, when we were talking about her death and how traumatic I found it I asked him how he was coping. I asked if he was crying much still (I had noticed he'd not cried but thought maybe he was doing it privately even though he's cried in front of me before) . He said 'i cried once' and changed the subject. I cannot begin to imagine what things are like in his head.

[Penny Lane]

I'm sorry, this sounds like a tough realization.

[Amadahy]

I'm sorry for your loss and for this sobering realization. Nowhere is grief more re-visited than with a PD person.

[_apparentlywicked]

Thanks guys. I feel so sorry for her having had the baggage that anyone patented by an adult with pd inevitably lives with. I'm coming close to using a bad word. ...

[bloomie]

_apparentlywicked - I am so sorry for your loss. Observing your father's behavior has to add to an already painful time. Yes, so much baggage having been parented by someone who projects the things they do not like about themselves onto others and withholds love and nurturing.

[_apparentlywicked]

Ah thanks Bloomie. It's only now that his reaction, or rather a lack of any reaction is frightening me because for the first time in years I'm looking at him and he's a picture of a monster.