Heart feels heavy

[BefuddledClarity]

Feeling more and more isolated each day.

I moved very far from my friends and don't talk to them anymore.

Every good new friendship I make, I self-sabotage and prevent it from getting further due to fear.

Hardwork feels futile at this job, and I'm feeling more overwhelmed and burnt out.

I question my relationship with my significant other more often and wonder if it'll really work.

I'm tired of tolerating family for the sake of bring family, whether by blood or by law.

I fear that won't be a good enough role model for my son.

I miss being engrossed in hobbies.

I wish I were more content more often.

I'm tired of being negative.

I miss breathing the fresh outdoor air without fear.

I wish I were more wise and self-confident.

Despite all this, I'm going to try. One step at a time, baby steps.

Right now, I can't sleep and my heart feels a bit heavy.

[Hopeful Spine]

I wish I were more wise and self-confident.

Despite all this, I'm going to try. One step at a time, baby steps.

Right now, I can't sleep and my heart feels a bit heavy.

Hugs to you.  I felt this way earlier this year.  I started to come here and post.  I've been learning a lot by reading other people's experiences and insights.  Like you I wish to be more wise and self-confident.  It's slowly happening.  Stay here and learn.  And try to find some things that bring you joy and make sure you do something everyday.  In my experience, things do get better.

[BefuddledClarity]

It's just been a roller-coaster ride for me. Whenever things start to look up, they start crashing down. From an outside perspective, it looks like I shouldn't have a reason to be frazzled (i.e. Have a family, decent paying job, a roof over my head, relatives that "loves" me). But on the inside just kinda feel down most of the time and things don't always appear as they seem.

Hopefully the change in job might help. I'm planning on making a goal of "applying fo X amount a jobs a day" or something until I struck gold haha...Made another post about how particularly frustrating my current job is. And for those other things, I need to communicate with SO better, spend more time with the little one, and put time aside for hobbies to just...relax.

Thanks for the support, Hopeful Spine.

[blacksheep7]

Befuddledclarity,

I also felt this way recently.  https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=84880.0

The interaction here is insightful and comforting to say the least.

There are periods in our life when we probably have too much on our plate, a situation that seems impossible to overcome.   I have to accept that this is life, a roller coaster of emotions in difficult situations and that I must not be as hard on myself (beliefs from my past/upbringing). 

I know for a fact that the Covid left many of us isolated, fearful, hopeless in uncertainty.

take care

[1footouttadefog]

I can relate to many things you describe.

I can only say that when that happens I start by adjusting the easy stuff first. The small ones that cost little and take little effort or short term commitment to correct.   This relieves the symptoms just a tad to make it possible to focus on a larger challenge. 

You mentioned getting time outdoors in the sun.  You might start with that even if just for a one off walk in a park.  Hobbies, shop at home in your stuff and recconect with some cool thing or things you had an interest in.

I often tackle cleaning a closet or a book shelf or such and feel uplifted after and rekindle interests in unread books art stuff etc.

Small positive changes can get the ball rolling.  Even a hot bath or good cup of tea or good music can help.  Take care of yourself holistically.  Geting physical , emotional, intellectual and spiritual care taking into your routines will help.

I hope you find yourself happier soon.   

[BefuddledClarity]

Befuddledclarity,

I also felt this way recently.  https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=84880.0

The interaction here is insightful and comforting to say the least.

There are periods in our life when we probably have too much on our plate, a situation that seems impossible to overcome.   I have to accept that this is life, a roller coaster of emotions in difficult situations and that I must not be as hard on myself (beliefs from my past/upbringing). 

I know for a fact that the Covid left many of us isolated, fearful, hopeless in uncertainty.

take care

Thanks for sharing that thread. There is a lot of posts on there that are relatable---I found myself rereading  it a couple of times...I've done that here on this forum---I would reread posts if I'm feeling particularly down and having nobody to talk to.

In real life, it feels like I'm having less people to relate to and I feel isolated. I definitely can't talk to my brothers anymore...I get tired of them ignoring how abusive our environment was while growing up. Can't talk to any "close" friends, because I left them behind as I kept moving around. Can't talk to my significant other---despite him being an ACoN---he handles those issues much differently than me and honestly, I'm starting to become more and more disconnected from him.

...The only thing that makes me feel like everything is okay in the world is waking up and see my baby son smiling at me. When I have a tough day at work, it's worth it in the end because I'm doing it for him, not me.

I can relate to many things you describe.

I can only say that when that happens I start by adjusting the easy stuff first. The small ones that cost little and take little effort or short term commitment to correct.   This relieves the symptoms just a tad to make it possible to focus on a larger challenge. 

You mentioned getting time outdoors in the sun.  You might start with that even if just for a one off walk in a park.  Hobbies, shop at home in your stuff and reconnect with some cool thing or things you had an interest in.

I often tackle cleaning a closet or a book shelf or such and feel uplifted after and rekindle interests in unread books art stuff etc.

Small positive changes can get the ball rolling.  Even a hot bath or good cup of tea or good music can help.  Take care of yourself holistically.  Getting physical , emotional, intellectual and spiritual care taking into your routines will help.

I hope you find yourself happier soon.   

Thanks for the reminder, I definitely do need to take time for myself...or do some self care. I tend to think of others more than myself, my significant other pointed this out to me when I used to buy him gifts a lot of the time "just because". I have this constant need to want to make others happy, but hardly spend time on myself because I felt like I didn't deserve it. When I buy myself something, I hardly splurge until I'm eating out. I've been wearing the same, stretched out clothes for MONTHS(pregnancy) because...I don't know. I need new clothes but I keep thinking "oh but I need to get this for son/partner first!" and that's when my significant other scolds me a bit.

I have that weird gift giving habit because growing up, my family used to tell me how much they hated my gift and to get something better next time...With my significant other, he's actually very receptive and tells me how much he loves the gift. I've also grown accustomed to disliking to receive gifts. My parents purposely bought things I didn't like. (i.e. grew up as a "tomboy", they would give me a lot of "pink" clothes or toys...Not cool.)


Also...I'm not a fan of the term tomboy just based on how people used it to describe me...They would say some harsh words after and ask if I'm gay....They're only half right about that last part, hahaha. Jokes on them...Or jokes on me? Idk but...I didn't want to date men at some point and preferred my owned kind at one point. But now I'm back with a guy instead.

[Spring Butterfly]

Have you seen Pete Walker's website on the inner and outer critic? Very helpful and might be food for thought.