You’re mad!

[Concerned One]

Exactly this time last year I moved into my currrent apartment.

I decked it out with nice furniture, a king size bed and a massive 65" television.

When I proudly told my mother you know what she said?

'You're mad.'

I was quite startled by this response. Apart from the fact that at the time I had been in and out of doctors surgeries and psychiatric assessments for the still unexplained craziness in my life, I just thought it was a strange thing to say.

I'd had the money to comfortably pay for it and it was for a good cause - my happiness so what on earth could have prompted such a response..

Cos she wasn't joking. It wasn't like, 'ha ha you're craaaazy.' She was fully serious with sinister undertones. A cool, calm, 'you're mad.'

And then it hit me. 'You're jealous,' I said. 'You're jealous that I've got a bed as big as yours and a television that's bigger than yours.' 

Smh. 

[Boat Babe]

Well done for seeing through the behaviour, for greyrocking like a pro and calling her out on her BS.

You are an Out of the FOG champ!  And here's a hug for having had to endure that in your childhood.   

[Concerned One]

 

[nanotech]

I'm really not sure why she would call you that.
Have you looked at any of the Jerry Eise videos on family systems?
He's too top on narcissism.
Name-calling is a weapon of preference for them.,
He says that when his mother called him nasty things, which was often, he would replace the insult with something fun and harmless.
' She called me a Coca Cola!' 
' She called me a sausage roll!
'Sunny Sunday!'
It's worth a try really!
He's got a lot more advice on there too
Very much worth a look and listen
https://youtu.be/H78tml5IdiA
This is a good one

[Concerned One]

I'm really not sure why she would call you that.
Have you looked at any of the Jerry Eise videos on family systems?
He's too top on narcissism.
Name-calling is a weapon of preference for them.,
He says that when his mother called him nasty things, which was often, he would replace the insult with something fun and harmless.
' She called me a Coca Cola!' 
' She called me a sausage roll!
'Sunny Sunday!'
It's worth a try really!
He's got a lot more advice on there too
Very much worth a look and listen
https://youtu.be/H78tml5IdiA
This is a good one

I've been labelled 'the mad one'  in my family since I was a child. No doubt cos I'd lose my shit when faced with their absurd injustices.

Thanks for the info. 

[SunnyMeadow]

And then it hit me. 'You're jealous,' I said. 'You're jealous that I've got a bed as big as yours and a television that's bigger than yours.'  Smh. 

What did she reply to that? 

Good for you for calling her out. My uNPDm does similar things and I think  "Ok, I won't share any of the good stuff in my life". Pretty bad that I can't share basic good stuff with my own mother.

[moglow]

Some will keep picking and poking, driving for an opening to make another feel less than. Mine would do that, then be all righteous indignation or justified anger when the provoked one hit bottom.

There's not a thing wrong with standing up for yourself, but remember she'll likely always have another one you never saw coming. And you don't have to believe that one either. What she's putting out there is the ugliness in her own head - that doesn't make it yours,

Remember Eleanor Roosevelt: no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

[nanotech]

Sorry for typo, my earlier post should have read 'Jerry Wise'.

Kris Godinez is excellent too.

[Concerned One]

And then it hit me. 'You're jealous,' I said. 'You're jealous that I've got a bed as big as yours and a television that's bigger than yours.'  Smh. 

What did she reply to that? 

Good for you for calling her out. My uNPDm does similar things and I think  "Ok, I won't share any of the good stuff in my life". Pretty bad that I can't share basic good stuff with my own mother.

I think she replied with a sheepish, 'no I'm not.'

Yup.

[Cassandra T]

I have to remind myself not to share the good things, too. She always finds something wrong with it, or has to bring it down somehow. Like I told her we're going to start raising chickens, and after awhile she said "Aren't you allergic to eggs?" I said I used to be allergic to raw egg whites, when I was a kid. She said "Are you suuuuure???" with a smile on her face, probably thinking about how she was making me doubt that any of my decisions are "correct." I think she knew I wasn't allergic to them.

Here lately whenever I tell her something I've read about current events, she'll say something like "How do YOU know that?" Then I have to explain, which means she's putting me on the defensive and making me feel like I don't know what I'm talking about.

[nanotech]

I have to remind myself not to share the good things, too. She always finds something wrong with it, or has to bring it down somehow. Like I told her we're going to start raising chickens, and after awhile she said "Aren't you allergic to eggs?" I said I used to be allergic to raw egg whites, when I was a kid. She said "Are you suuuuure???" with a smile on her face, probably thinking about how she was making me doubt that any of my decisions are "correct." I think she knew I wasn't allergic to them.

Here lately whenever I tell her something I've read about current events, she'll say something like "How do YOU know that?" Then I have to explain, which means she's putting me on the defensive and making me feel like I don't know what I'm talking about.

Yes it seems like belittling us and gaslighting us follows naturally on from any good or interesting news we give them.
When I told my dad about one of my children being offered a very good job, he remarked  how
That area in the country was 'where all the opportunities are.'

Sigh

When she passed her degree a few years back, he spent a long time with me on the phone.
He told me why he had never got a degree. It was because he was a victim of circumstance. He then went on in to tell me that degrees are of no use career wise and there's no point in having one these days.
Only in the past, when he was young, were they at all valuable, and he was cheated out of his. 
I ended up having to assure him that yes, he was totally robbed of his degree, which he surely would have got if he hadn't been thwarted by events outside his control.

I was in the fog then, so I let him do that to me.
At least he didn't tell my daughter these things.

This time, I was ready for it.  I didn't let him talk her achievement down. Her success didn't fit in with his grandiose self-talk  on the  pointlessness of degrees.

UNPD Sister does this too. I've no idea why they think it's necessary. I've no idea why I let them put me and my family down for so long. I'm NC with sister now.

If there's ever any bad news, they love that and will dive in with feigned concern, gobbling the juicy bits.

[SparkStillLit]

Uggghhhh updh does this! If you tell him some good news or positive report, he will return with "well I just hope [some negative thing] doesn't happen".  If it's bad news, he will blow it into worse by imagining that the next worst possible thing will follow.
The man cannot be happy for anyone or share in joy.