Buying Me Out Of Our house

[Kat54]

My stbxNPDh is trying to buy me out of our house. Good, go for it. I certainly wouldn't even try to but it, its crazy expensive and it kept us in terrible debt.  Though secretly in many ways I hope he can't. Not sure which is the better way to feel. If he can buy it out our kids will stay put most likely as he wants to keep everything normal and not upset their lives.  The downside I see for them is they will have a very hard time if they want to leave or move out as they are 21 and 23. He's keeping the house for them, but its clearly for him and he wants to be the hero in all of this. He's excellent at making you feel guilty and he will do it to them if they want to move out, even to move in with me.  No matter the outcome he will be angry. Huge mortgage, my fault as he has to pay X for the house and he will be able to barely afford it. If he can't buy it out, my fault because I asked X for the house and he couldn't do that.

He got a letter from the bank for a pre-approval but it was even before we had the house appraised by a certified appraiser. He had his realtor friend give an appraisal, which was completely low balled and $100,000 off from the real appraised value. He's once again doing this on his terms.  He'll have to get a new pre-approval based on the price we will agree on, which I upped it not to the appraised value, like 50,000 lower.
How do I shut this down with him? He keeps doing things his way. Our old usual issues, no communication, does what he wants and then is dismayed and angry doing what was asked, but its in a way that's not acceptable. He gets his friend to do the appraisal...no, he's biased.  Its completely crazy.

On one good note, he is communicating with me regarding our daughters graduation from college. As hard as it is to be together, after the email I sent him he texted me and asked my thoughts and who we should invite.  Going forward after all said and done hope we will be able to keep doing that.  As much as I prefer no contact, when we do have to be together we can be fine.

[openskyblue]

Do you have a lawyer? If so, I would run this stuff past that person. There are too many moving parts here to figure out without legal advice.

Buy-outs sound very possible to many people -- especially PDs -- but they all have to pass the math test. Your house is your greatest asset. it makes no sense to take less for it.

[Shell-shocked]

You have a legal right to insist on a neutral appraisal..and you should!! You can even say you want three appraisals to get a fair representation. He got one you get the other two..My lawyer had it written into my divorce settlement that should there be an disagreements with selling our rental property it went to arbitration.. I wouldn't have felt safe living in the marital home as well as too many bad memories so my Ex bought out my share.

[Kat54]

Shell-shocked if we can't agree on the price because of the low price from the realtor then I'll get another unbiased appraisal just to shut him down with the offer he's giving me. I also would never want the house, too many bad memories. 

This is the path to my ex's crazy making... We have a meeting, says he has a pre-approval, a verbal agreement. My lawyer asks to see a written agreement, oh he does have one. He can't find it in his email so meeting is over. We are waiting for the pre-approval, a whole week goes by, Ask my lawyer if his lawyer sent it, of course not. I email my ex, long email explaining the money we are wasting because of the stalling etc. We need the letter from the bank to see that he can get a mortgage thinking its based on around the appraised value. He sends me a letter from the bank. Its dated early February!! Way before the appraisal the court ordered.  He gets an approval based on a value of the house that he came up with, or his friend the realtor, that had it low balled by $130,000??  Doing his own thing....Would anyone feel totally exasperated with this?

[Poison Ivy]

Yes, that would exasperate me, too.  Sorry you have to deal with this behavior.