I blocked my brother! Enough is enough already.

[MarlenaEve]

Hi all.

I've managed to block my brother on my phone (and social media) last week WHILE maintaining contact with FOO. I think this is a big step for me toward healing. Reasons are: he has taken advantage of me too many times. Second, anytime he felt bad about himself, he would put me down. (I'm not the one responsible for his feelings). Third: he tried to turn me into his therapist. I asked him at one point why don't you go to therapy, you'll feel better long term. He answered: Why would I go to therapy if I have you? (    ) and then he'd talk to me like I was his therapist..

Another reason was actually the breaking point: last week he called me and ordered me to break my plans (I was out and about) and go home to help our parents with something. He kept yelling at me that I should be responsible for this family and family comes first.

I was furious with him for the past couple of days but, after doing some mindset work, I've realized that he, too, is the victim of family abuse so I should understand that his behavior is rooted in his own issues with our mother.
I have 2 brothers and this guy is the most abusive (emotionally) of the 3 of us. I also think that he was the one who suffered the most (I suspect sexual abuse took place in the family).

I feel so happy and free now that I don't have to cater to this person's needs anymore and have nothing else to talk about with him. I am truly done and it shall stay this way.

Hope this post helps someone who is trying to set boundaries with their narcissistic siblings. Know that you can't force a relationship with these people, and each sibling has their own distorted version of the truth in the family system. But send them loving thoughts and hope that, one day they'll see the abuse they went through for what it is (and not for what they see it-my sib thinks our abuse is "just something everyone goes through, all families are dysfunctional", "no one is perfect" etc)

Hugs to all.

[Cat of the Canals]

Congrats and also good job! I know from experience how hard it can be to take the first step with a boundary like that, especially if you've been conditioned to take on the caretaker role. But ohhhhh, the huge sense of relief I felt once I did it.

Congrats again on this new bit of freedom!

[ArmadilloKate]

Yeah!!! Way to GO! You are my personal hero today. I wish you so much peace. 

[MarlenaEve]

Thanks @Cat of the canals and @Armadillo Kate! I was afraid this topic needed to go to a different section. Sorry for the mistake (I tried to delete it).

It feels amazing to say "no" and stop the nonsense he put me through. He was looking for punching bags and thought I might be a good candidate for him. Hmm, no way.

[nanotech]

I've had my brother blocked for about 18months now. ( he's UNPDGC ).
It's great. 
He's tried to contact me since, but he's blocked on all SM, and I've advised him that I love him, but if he texts me with anything other than a true family medical emergency then I wasn't going to be answering him.
Cue a texting tantrum from him. I ignored that. I also ignored another couple of tries he's had at texting me. It's easier not to respond when you have told him you are not going to. These contact attempts were medical- related ( to do with my dad) but not emergencies. They were also things I was aware of through my contact with my dad.
Last time i 'locked horns' with him ( as he sees it) he went complaining  to my elderly parents, and I was badly scapegoated. 
That was when I TRULY saw the dysfunction. Then I began my journey Out of the FOG.
Since my mum has  passed on it's been harder for him to triangulate. It all used to happen through my mum.
But with my dad I've had no fallout from this dropped contact.
Well done and watch out for any hoovering attempts. My bro 😎 can be nice for a while, then all of a sudden..... 😫

[MarlenaEve]

I've had my brother blocked for about 18months now. ( he's UNPDGC ).
It's great. 
He's tried to contact me since, but he's blocked on all SM, and I've advised him that I love him, but if he texts me with anything other than a true family medical emergency then I wasn't going to be answering him.
Cue a texting tantrum from him. I ignored that. I also ignored another couple of tries he's had at texting me. It's easier not to respond when you have told him you are not going to. These contact attempts were medical- related ( to do with my dad) but not emergencies. They were also things I was aware of through my contact with my dad.
Last time i 'locked horns' with him ( as he sees it) he went complaining  to my elderly parents, and I was badly scapegoated. 
That was when I TRULY saw the dysfunction. Then I began my journey Out of the FOG.
Since my mum has  passed on it's been harder for him to triangulate. It all used to happen through my mum.
But with my dad I've had no fallout from this dropped contact.
Well done and watch out for any hoovering attempts. My bro 😎 can be nice for a while, then all of a sudden..... 😫

Well done you!!!
Hoovering attempts. Yes, he can be very nice for a while and I'm worried I'll cave into his manipulations.
xoxo

[Cat of the Canals]

Well done you!!!
Hoovering attempts. Yes, he can be very nice for a while and I'm worried I'll cave into his manipulations.
xoxo

My husband recently accused me of "always having my dukes up lately" when it comes to my mother. At first I was annoyed, but then I realized he was right... but I also realized that it was for a reason. If I don't keep my guard up, I get complacent. I start ignoring and overlooking the tiny efforts to erode my boundaries. Then a few months go by, and I find I've been sucked back into the PD games without even realizing it.

So yeah. I do have my dukes up, and they're going to stay up for as long as necessary.

Stay vigilant. Know you'll probably be tricked a time or two. Be willing to forgive yourself for that. They tend to use our empathy against us. But having empathy is what sets us apart in the first place, so I'd never want to lose that, even if it means slipping now and then and letting my guard down.