Huh. So this is what acceptance feels like. It feels like ... nothing.

[moglow]

Massive eye rolls - she wanted to talk to me about a cheesecake she was thinking of sending. Please don't. It's just me and the last thing I need is a whole cheesecake sitting in my house. "But but but ..." No thank you ma'am. I appreciate the thought but please don't do that. If you want one, buy one for yourself.

We ended up talking a bit - or rather one of her personalities [eerily perky chirpy] asked questions then was overly excited no matter my response and interrupted me within a few words. Repeatedly. She seems to have decided I'm her friend and/or she wants something. Her M.O. is gift your way in to soften the inevitable "request" or attempted guilt trip, a hook of sorts. It smells.

Did she at any point mention her deadly silences or the nastiness she's heaped even just the past few years, any attempt to smooth or apologize for same and the way she's treated us? Silly rabbit! Admit she's wrong and actually owes apologies, HER? Yeah no. I'm supposed to play the game. 'Cept I'm not.

Yeah, this is what that's supposed to feel like. More nothing. She loaded that wagon, it's hers to pull now. 

[moglow]

Did she at any point mention her deadly silences or the nastiness she's heaped even just the past few years, any attempt to smooth or apologize for same and the way she's treated us? Silly rabbit! Admit she's wrong and actually owes apologies, HER? Yeah no. I'm supposed to play the game. 'Cept I'm not.

By the bye, none of that would have made a difference in the big picture. It might have opened a chink were she remotely able to see what she's wrought and make some efforts to amend or at least acknowledge. That's why I see her current mood as a means to an end that benefits her in some yet unforeseen way. Not that we've had any meaningful conversation in years now, but she's yet to mention even last years fiasco over my brother's trip here. She's not mentioned it, or him and his family in I don't know how long. They don't exist because she knows she's wrong, same as with my older brother and his family. The emperor lost her clothes and is seen for who she is, and on some level she knows it. They will call her on it, given a chance, and she knows that too.

It's sad y'all. It's sad that she can't see these extraordinary humans on any conceivable level, has tossed them out as insignificant and meaningless. She is truly the finest example of all the things I never want to be. It has to be incredibly sad in that empty world she's built.

[Sneezy]

Sneezy, I'm the poster child for doing it all wrong and keeping doing that long after the sell-by date! I think I just finally had enough, had taken in and done enough to myself that I had to stop. Like everything else, it's process and it can be a painful one even on the best days. Everything inside us pulls to connect and/or obey. Going against what we've been doing all our lives is hard and a very deliberate choice.

It IS hard - and I've been struggling with it lately.  Your thoughtful posts are a big help.  Thanks!!!

[moglow]

One thing that really helps is a baby step back and looking at the reality. Tell her no or just don't respond on cue, what can she do really? Put me on restriction, cut me off? Get mad and complain? Well truth - that's coming down the pike r some point regardless. I can't fix that. She's bored, alone, lonely, no one calls? Why is that - she believes all roads lead to her and her only. People she cut off didn't come back. She never involved herself in anything or anyone. Well yeah shes alone. I don't try to provoke her but no matter where I look back, she's blown sky high over random bs anyway.

[Call Me Cordelia]

If you're still wondering about acknowledging cards... It's really not necessary. Certainly not to make contact on purpose to do so. "Thanks for the card" in passing when you are already talking about something else is more than enough. A card itself is an acknowledgment of your birthday, so a special acknowledgement the acknowledgment is a bit much. Not that some of our parents might not want exactly that...But Miss Manners says you are good.