The truth war goes on part 2

[Poison Ivy]

 

[hhaw]

EM:

There's some pretty helpful patenting info on a site called
thepeacefulparentproject.

She shares pointed, very short and relatable ideas and examples on Instagram.

[SonofThunder]

+1

SoT

[falsebalance2]

One year ago, I was on my knees, I was desperate to get out. I had no idea how, I just wanted to close my eyes, go to sleep, and wake up free and uNPDx gone. I wanted someone else to sort it for me, I just wanted out, but I did not know how to get out, I was scared, I was scared of being hurt, I was scared of hurting her.

One year ago......

If I would look at where I am now in a crystal ball one year ago, I would first of all not believe I did it, that I actually managed to get her out of the house and for me and SG to be free. If anyone would have offered me this one year ago I would have bitten their hand off. Yes I am still struggling, fighting for GC, hearings, solicitors, money, all kinds, but....... I AM FREE!

I just can't believe I am here.

Thank you all!

Cheers!

And this made me so happy to wonder where I'll be a year out from my current emancipation!

Keep going strong, EM. Freedom is worth it! The truth is more rewarding than the lie!

[escapingman]

Had a long and very uplifting conversation with a friend yesterday. Told him what's going on and how things are and he asked me if she was having mental health issues. I am not sure how much he knows about PD but that he asked at least shows some insight. He told me he had a row with his wife one point and she threatened with divorce, he had told her that if she ever threaten him with divorce again she will get it. She never threatened him again he said. He then told me if he ever got to the point of telling her about wanting a divorce he would just go through with it and not threaten for any reactions or anything. Very interesting to hear how things are in what I guess a marriage between 2 non PD's . This takes me back to think about the relationship I had with a girl before I met uNPDx, we had been together for a couple of years and she suddenly told me she wasn't sure if she loved me anymore. I told her fine, then we need to end our relationship. We hugged and then stayed friends afterwards (until uNPDx helped burning the bridge with her). uNPDx must have threatened me with divorce 100's of times and every time I have hoped she meant it, but she never. I also threatened with divorce lots of times, I meant it but could never go through with it........ until now.

[losingmyself]

Good for you, EM! I hope things keep going well for you, and I'm so glad you have someone to confide in who listens 

[escapingman]

We are filing my statement for the hearing tomorrow, it really is depressing reading. How did I allow all of that abuse going on? I am glad someone else wrote it up and thank God for my journal. Solicitor used my journal to write it all up, the journal is also attached with the statement for anyone to read. Now I am just waiting to receive uNPDx statement and then see what accusations she has made up, I reckon this is going to be worthy of becoming a manuscript for a Hollywwod movie. I am worried what she is making up and that people will believe it. I have no doubt she has coached GC to back any incidents. Tomorrow me and SG are going away for 3 weeks to see my family and friends, SG is bouncing of excitement and happiness. I am looking forward being looked after and have a rest, will also be good to be able to get some alone time to get a response to whatever accusations comes my way.

I need to just do whatever I can do and leave the rest and not worry to much.

[SonofThunder]

EM, that sounds very healthy 😊.  My wishes for you and SG to have a fabulous time and its great she's so excited.  Yay!  Imo, truth will eventually stand in the courtroom, as falsities have no support structure and are a collapsing house of cards.  A judge cant stand a liar.  Happy travels!

SoT

[hhaw]

EM:

I can't wipe the smile off my face thinking about you and SG turning towards adventure, joy, newfound freedom......
relaxed meals and serene bedtimes....
glorious days in the sunshine......
whatever activities you seek out.....
whatever memories you create will be built on a foundation of discerment over the people and situations you allow into your lives from here on out.  And you'll do it while gently holding space for GC and it's OK. 

This is you taking your minutes and days back.

Welcome to the new world, EM and SG.

It's going to be OK.

[justducky]

Well done, EM!    I hope that you and SG have a fabulous, relaxing trip.

[escapingman]

Got sent uNPDx statement.  Its just a pack of lies and made up stories. If anyone believe that I be worried about their intelligence.  But need to go through it and talk to solicitor about how to respond. She should be put in prison for her lies, bit doubt it.

On another side, me and SG are on our way to our holiday.

[square]

My takeaway is relief that the statement is so weak and absurd that you don't seem too worried about it.

That is great news.

[escapingman]

The statement is weak, but my worry is that GC is backing the lies and have even told the social worker she was scared I was going to kill her. She has also complained that I am harassing her with my messages and she get stressed (I send her about 3-4 messages a week telling her I love her) and I have been asked to stop messaging her. Social is now going to arrange for uNPDx to see SG but not for me to see GC. The alienation is so clear to see, but they seem to think its GCs wishes to not have anything to do with me. I am so angry with the system and wondering how this can be allowed. I am abused, I get a court order on her but I am the one getting punished.

[escapingman]

To be honest, these lies in her accusations are really getting to me. It feels like she has been allowed to continue her abuse towards me and that everyone believes her. It's so convincing I almost believe it myself, even though I know that what she describes only ever happened in her head, in her world. I am feeling really sick about it. I think what makes me feel the most ill about it all us that she has manipulated GC against me to such a level GC doesn't want to see me, and at the same time accusing me for preventing her from seeing SG. I just feel sick about it.

[hhaw]

I get it, EM.  I do.  Believe me..... I really do.  PDs will accuse you of exactly what they're doing and they'll do it in the face of solid evidence proving they're lying and doing trauma to everyone around them.  I'm still trying to figure out how to hold them accountable in a system that doesn't seem invested in following it;s own rules or holding lying liars accountable.  Whew boy!  REALLY diffficult to put on the shelf at times, EM,but what are your choices?

IF you worry and fret about it while on vacation, what do you gain?

What do you stand to lose?

The PD's accusations are such a weak, irrational, super expected move...... and you knew it was coming.  You knew stbx was manipulating GC.  Nothing about this is a surprise... it's just so unfair and unjust and makes you feel at the mercy of and so very vulberable.  I know. 

You already know how you'll refute her statements and PROVE the harm she's done and continues to do to your shared children.   YOU have the evidence stbx lacks.

Why waste a moment's joy allowing stbx's toxic attempts to back you down (and win you back ) further rob you of what you have in front of you.... time away to relax and breathe with SG.  All the joy possible during this vacation is on the line.

SG really deserves a present and joyful father and you deserve to be joyful and present too, Em.


Do what you can, send e mails to your attorney, make a list of evidence you'll pull first, where you think it is, take a cold cold shower, mindfully breathe for a while, push on doorjambs then put the story on the shelf and turn wholly toward what you have in this very moment. 

It's going to be OK.  It's going to be over, whether you suffer and worry yourself sick, so why not thwart the PD's efforts and get really joyful?  I assure you, stbx is miserable and sharing it all around, like a big stink cloud of confusion. 

You have choice in every moment and it's not a secret any longer; )
Stbx doesn't have any choice.  That's the main difference between the two of you. 

You CAN change.  She can't.

Show SG and then show GC how to do that.  Show them how to navigate this kind of pain and challenge without losing themselves or their joy, Em. 

[SonofThunder]

+1 

Great advice on many levels hhaw! 

The facing of the reality that the truth-war is a slow, grinding battle, extended by the PD's desire, at every turn, to punish the non through the bureaucracy of the procedural system. The system will vet everything in search of the truth and the PD will keep them very busy indeed.  The interesting thing is that the PD receives desired supply in this process and the non experiences frustration and grief.  The PD is able to continue the manipulation of the non in this process and the legal system gets used by the PD almost as a flying monkey. 

Therefore, as you said, we need to focus on healing, joy, fulfilling our daydreams, positivity, freedom, good relationships, opportunities such as EM's vacation, the more peaceful future after the truth runs it's course.  We need to do this for ourselves, not to get back at the PD.  Doing these positive things as a counter-offensive toward the PD is still focusing on the PD, which is what they desire. 

Instead, when we focus ourselves on doing these good healing things for ourselves/our kids instead, the secondary byproduct of this self-healing is that the  PD's continued attempts at manipulation fall short because we dont take that bait, but rather just satisfy the needs of the slow-grinding system. 

Hhaw, your words are encouraging and I know your wisdom is gleaned through very difficult experiences but you are using them for the betterment of us comrades.  EM, enjoy the vacay with SG!! 

SoT

[escapingman]

Thank you for your kind messages. It is so frustrating, but I think she is lying herself into a corner. Sure some of the accusations are half truths but exaggerated to high heaven.

We are having a great time, best things so far was that things went wrong. Due to luggage issues we sat stranded on the plane for over an hour before take off, missed our connection, had an extra hotel night at the connection, next flight luggage issues again and sat 45 minutes on the plane before take off, got an aborted landing and circled before eventually landed. And you know what? We just accepted it and went with the flow. I can only imagine that sequence of events with uNPDx. SG is now spending the day at an amusement park with my sister whilst I am getting the day off seeing a friend.

[guitarman]

We realise what trauma we have experienced when a potential crisis occurs and nothing happens. We expect a drama but only calmness occurs. 

We don't realise what peace is until we experience it all again. We have been so enmeshed and conditioned into expecting extreme behaviours. We can feel that calmness and peace are unusual when they should be the norm.

It took me a long time to unwind and not feel on edge all the time expecting my uBPD/NPD sister to have a crisis. It could all start off again at any time so it hasn't completely gone away. I don't suppose that it ever will.

Our minds can start to expect danger all the time. I practise Mindfulness meditations that help me to remain calm and to relax.

I hope you can have an enjoyable day.

Keep calm. Stay strong. Stay safe. Keep posting.