Chronic Broken Promises - light bulb moment

[I-Remember]

For so long I have doubted my mother was a true NPD. Sure, I saw N tendencies.

But today she called and broke two major promises she made to me that directly impact my future--where I live and my financial future. Just like that, 2 huge dreams/major promises dashed.

I looked at this site and saw that one of the Top 100 traits of NPDs is "Chronic Broken Promises." And I was like, "OH. I see." It was a Light Bulb Moment.

My first response was world falling apart. Then disappointment. Then anger. I sat on the couch, numb and in shock.

I feel like such a moron for ever believing her in the first place. Why do I take her at her word?   

Thank you for reading and listening.

[easterncappy]

This wouldn't have occurred to me if I hadn't started posting here.

About two years ago, my mom and I went half and half on an investment. The agreement was always that at any point, one of us could withdraw approximately half of what it grew to. Eventually, it grew to $4000, so $2000 for each of us. I was buying a house and I needed approximately that much for the rest of the down payment, so I went to withdraw it. She threw a massive fit, asking me how I could do something this terrible to her, telling me that I'm a fool, that I'll get my money back when she dies, because it'll grow and grow, and I'll inherit the house and the car she buys from it - never a part of what we agreed to, plus she's so financially irresponsible and illiterate that she'll never own a house (this is the same woman who once volunteered me for a money laundering scheme in an attempt to buy a house by lying to the banks). Eventually I talked her down anyway, and I got my $2000, but she was really angry with me. The investment went kaput and within months, she was left with less than what she originally put in. I don't usually feel schadenfreude but boy, I did when that happened. Not once did she recognize that she broke a very serious promise, but instead, she thought I was the one robbing her.

Something else's that's common when you grow up with PD parents is to just believe anything they tell you. I used to think my mom was "fair with money and would never screw someone over financially", because she said that about herself a lot. I just never really questioned it because I trusted her and didn't want to view my own mother as a bad person. I could go on and on about different promises that both of my parents broke, many of which were extremely serious and had a major impact on my life... and lots of which included money. This might be a part of why you still want to trust her - she's probably painted a pretty good picture of herself in your brain, even though you're on here and are aware she has major issues.

Another reason that you take your mom at her word because no one wants to view their own flesh and blood mother as an evil, malicious person. You're not the broken one here. We're pretty much biologically programmed to love and trust our parents, even into adulthood, because our survival depended on them for so long. This works out just fine for 99% of people because their parents actually are generally trustworthy people with healthy morals. As the adult child of a PD parent you are going to have to start questioning a lot of the positive feelings you have towards your parents because they unfortunately just don't fit with the reality of who they are.