Hello Im SilentSkald

[SilentSkald]

*CW child abuse*


Hello, I'm autistic, 40 and I live in the UK

I'm not sure I belong here - I was abused by my dad physically and sexually until I left home. He died when I was 21. I have recently tried to go NC with my mum after I realised that she probably knew, definitely pressured me to cooperate, participated twice by taking photos and has continued to manipulate me even as an adult.

She doesn't seem much like how many of you describe your PD parents although my dad was. She doesn't call me names or yell at me like he did.

Instead, she
- cries when she doesn't get her way
 - makes comments about how all she wants to do is be needed
- gossips private information
- pits me against my brother (and probably him against me too)
- lies about the past esp her behaviour
- goes behind my back to try to get what she wants from my partner
- apologies but makes it sound like it wasn't really her fault
- gets viciously angry if she's confronted then walks it back and lies  about it
- tells me I'm too sensitive, making things up or trying punish her

I'm in therapy and slowly healing but her presence in my life feels like a constant war. I'm terrified of her retribution especially if i tell anyone about the abuse - I've been silent about it for decades and it feels like it's slowly corroding me from the inside.

I'm trying to go NC but really scared of the consequences to the point of panic attacks. I feel sure she's going to arrive on my doorstep on day.

I'm hoping this forum might be a place to find some support from people who know what being afraid of your parents is like, even if she's not technically got a PD?

[Cheshire_cat]

Hello, and welcome.  So glade you had the courage to share here. Your story and struggle is one that does have a place here.  I found help here over the years as I needed it.  it's a tough and scary journey to get away from those people that have and continue to cause problems.  Recovery is also a journey and am glade that this group is here with us who have survived and are searching for the course. those who can, do what they can to help.  my respect to you and the others here - we will make it through the FOG - one breath at a time, one step at a time, and one boundary at a time.   

[NarcKiddo]

Welcome.

It sounds to me as if she could well have some sort of PD. My mother is an undiagnosed narcissist and she does pretty much all of those behaviours on your list. Except apologies. Nothing is ever her fault, so no need for that.

[blunk]

Hello and welcome,

I would suggest that you check out the tabs at the top of the page, including the Top 100 Traits and the descriptions of the various Personality Disorders. Many of the traits that you are describing are consistent with PDs. It's not always just screaming and yelling. PDs can be silent and seething, manipulative, and abusive in more covert ways.

I am sorry for what you have been through. I hope that you can find healing here with us.

[Invisiblewoman]

Hello and welcome

I think gossiping your private information, going behind your back to do things you didn't consent to and playing siblings off you is a very narcissistic thing.

Anger when caught in a lie and then playing it back like it's all your fault sounds like what I went through.

When you talk to others you may find a lot of the traits are pretty common.

[SeaBreeze]

Welcome! I'm sorry you have had to deal with all this, but glad you found Out of the FOG.

PD or not, you are describing very abnormal (and abusive) behaviors on your mother's part. You may want to read up more on covert narcissists, passive-aggressive behavior, and specifically a narcissistic type (usually female) known as "The Waif". I suspect you'll find such research to be very eye-opening.

Once again, welcome to this warm and helpful forum!