small victory

losingmyself · August 19, 2021, 10:12:15 AM

A few months ago, H went into my phone while I was sleeping and read through all my texts. I figured that he did this, but whatever, I never said anything he could 'use against me'. Thing is, he's so arrogant, that he started giving me crap about one particular thing I said. I ignore it. I'm trying to figure out how to handle this because he'll go into a whole argument about how he doesn't have secrets, and I shouldn't, and if I have a private conversation with someone, then I'm 'keeping secrets' from him if I say that going through my phone is not cool. Because he says "I don't have anything to hide"
So, last night, he repeats what I said in a conversation that I was having with someone else in texts, then says "I know you hate that saying" I looked at him, confused, and said "Oh, how do you know that?"
crickets...
"I just ..know.."
Ha! I left the room. I know that given enough time he'll rationalize it and I'll have to hear how everything's my fault, but I wanted to share that small victory

losingmyself · August 19, 2021, 11:58:23 AM

Also, a while after he started giving me crap about what I said, and I started deleting my texts, he said to me, "You know, when you delete your texts, they don't get deleted from the trash bin"
As in " I'm still reading your texts" Just so ya know

1footouttadefog · August 22, 2021, 01:46:15 PM

I would have answered,

Yes, but the symbolism of you crawling into the trash bin to read them fits so much better, does it not.

Boat Babe · August 22, 2021, 03:41:32 PM

Quote from: 1footouttadefog on August 22, 2021, 01:46:15 PM
I would have answered,

Yes, but the symbolism of you crawling into the trash bin to read them fits so much better, does it not.

Ooh, burn!

losingmyself · August 23, 2021, 08:34:08 AM

OMG, that's great!!

I also thought about putting something in there that he'd have to address. Maybe when I text DD, I should say "Hi, H !"
I thought about saying that I want a divorce. But I think the passive-aggressive fallout wouldn't be worth it.
OR... locking it at night. What? "I was trying to sneak in to your phone while you were sleeping, but it was locked!" Again, fallout would not be worth it. The focus would be on what I'm hiding, rather than his invasion of my privacy.
I just delete delete delete...
Thanks for the laugh

tragedy or hope · August 23, 2021, 10:16:04 AM

Awesome! Little victories mean a lot to all of us. Thanks!

I keep my phone locked with a number code and/or a fingerprint. Since I do some personal business on it, I have communicated that if I forgot it somewhere, I would not want anyone poking around on it.

Once he got into my private written journals. By the time I got home he had "left me," leaving our 12 year old son home alone to prove his point. I told him whatever pain he had was his doing, it was none of his business and they were just thoughts. He got over it but now swears he "never touches or reads my stuff." Yeah right.

He has no access to my passwords so I am glad for this forum.

losingmyself · August 23, 2021, 11:21:14 AM

Yeah, I am only on this site at work, and that's where my journal that I write in the most is at.
I do have a smaller journal with fewer entries in it, hidden at home. It makes me a little nervous, but I figured what the heck, and I wrote plainly on it that if he reads it, we are going to get a divorce. I will leave him. I know that from past behavior he won't be able to keep his passive-aggressive comments to himself, so if he reads it, I would know.
My first H read my journals and confronted me and yelled at me about them, a long time ago. I destroyed them. I feel like I made the wrong choice...

Starboard Song · August 23, 2021, 11:43:18 AM

I'd lock my phone.

It ends the argument, which is good because the only way to win is not to play.

Gettintired76 · October 22, 2021, 01:35:58 AM

I feel all of this my ex even tho we are broke still demands to go through my phone at will. But her phone has always had a three passcode and now face recognition lock on it and I was never allowed access to her codes. I let my oldest daughter borrow my phone the other night, my ex took it and texted me later that she was upset about a conversation I had had with a friend the day before. The next time I let my daughter use my phone I changed the code and set it up where only myself and my daughter have facial recognition on it. It made my ex so mad. But hey we are not together anymore right? And I do have a right to my privacy don't I?

1footouttadefog · October 29, 2021, 12:48:47 PM

I think I would really give him something to read. A diary app.

Dear Diary, I am so confused and cannot believe it is possible. Can a man's ears really get bigger at the same time his _______ gets smaller? I am not sure this is really the man I married. Things are just not the same KWIM diary. His ears are so big now I bet he can hear me typing this. He seems to know what I text and write these days.

I am surprised he has not started ordering those _________enhancement herb capsules yet.

Dear Diary, I ordered H a pair of slippers a couple sizes smaller from Amazon.com today.

Not sure what I can do about the ears. however.

If he did not find this funny you know he got mad after the first entry and quit reading.