Telling people now

[sunshine702]

I think I need you guys to help talk me out of it.

I have this fantasy of letting a certain family member know about the abuse - in a subtle way now that it is done and I never want to go back so I can tell my story before Narc MIL gets to spin it that her Son (new husband) did nothing wrong.  That I am sure I will be the abuser.  There is one safer person maybe that I could front run "hey I will no longer be coming to book club ever now.  I spent date X and date Y in a hotel for my safety and left the 24th. I liked you here is my new number. 

This is a bad move right?  I want to feel some power in this telling MY story lightly. I think some family members see it.  Talk me in or out of it please.

I also have this fantasy of reaching out Estranged NC son and let him know he is cut out of the will and to fight it

I also want to reach out to the ex as I bet there is A LOT more to the story than she cheated and left.  She might have cheated but sometimes women cheat for a REASON.  Sometimes....

Again I want to feel some power in this

[moglow]

Sunshine, please just say no. Go forth and live a better happier life and let that be your power.

Reaching out to others -"his" others- isn't your stuff. Let him/them tell what they want - it truly doesn't change who you are. This is one of those need to know things. Does anyone need to know your side of the story? Not really. Unless asked directly, I'd leave others out of it, and even then I'd gauge what I shared and with whom.

I guarantee family members see it, just like they've seen other similar issues in the past. Does that matter? No. Would telling it do anything for you personally [or for them]? Also no. That would just keep you enmeshed in a situation that already has way more than enough of that nonsense.

Please say no.

[Call Me Cordelia]

I think none of this is an emergency and you can just put it away for a good while.

Generally, trying to preempt a smear campaign doesn't work. People who have critical thinking skills and are observant don't require it, those deep in the FOG won't believe you anyway. If you are not 100% sure this family member is trustworthy and you want her to stay in your life, no harm in taking your time. Better wait and see and hold it loosely than just have to change your number again.

Leaving is still raw for you. It's natural enough to want some feeling of justice and power. But you've claimed your power exactly by leaving and putting a stop to the abuse. You are enough here, in my opinion.

[sunshine702]

Yeah I am watching a video of Narcs stirring the pot.  They live for both positive and negative ATTENTION.! Nope none. I do not want to give that woman anything she would like.  Ignoring her REALLY pisses her off I have noticed with others


I can think it (it helps a bit to feel I COULD but choose not to.  Exactly "maybe some day in the future". Until the betrayal hurt passes

[Call Me Cordelia]

Yes. My extreme narc father drummed into me over and over, "The absolutely worst thing you can ever do to someone is ignore them." Really, the worst thing? According to him, absolutely yes being ignored is the worst possible pain.