Batsh#t 21...."I have changed so much"....

[D.Dan]

Another thread reminded me of one thanksgiving dinner when I was about 16 yo.

Me, upd mom, bro2 (the youngest sibling), and bro2's dad all lived together. Bro2's dad made thanksgiving dinner with all the fixings. He set up the table and let us know it was ready.

Me, bro2 and upd mom had been watching tv in the next room. Upd mom led the way to the table. She stood beside it, looked blankly at the food, grabbed the table edge and flipped the whole thing onto the floor!

She started screaming about how not everyone has something to be thankful for! She grabbed whatever food was on the counter (small table) and threw it onto the floor!

Me and bro2 (7 at the time) turned right and ran up the stairs to my room to hide out until she calmed down. Bro2's dad left to get drunk somewhere else. Upd mom then drank until she passed out, crying about how we ruined thanksgiving.

When it was quiet, we came downstairs to scavange for any leftovers that may have survived, and to clean up the mess. Only mashed potatoes for thanksgiving dinner that year.

It made me aware of how close to a celebration the PDs in my life can get to, before attempting to destroy it.

[SonofThunder]

In my "caretaking' years before coming Out of the FOG, i would buy my uPDw a luxury item (purse or jewelry) every year or so, but she kept raising the gifting bar each time to a more expensive desired item. 

November 1:  After having recently gone through a 'healing separation' (i did an approx 60 day separation, living in our second home but now back in our main home) from my uPDw, she strongly hints to me that she would like a $1800 Loius Vuitton purse from me for her late Nov birthday.   I told her i would not be gifting any more luxury items, as it causes issues between us and i would prefer to gift more humbly.  She was angry for days and gave me the silent treatment. 

Dec 1:  After being humbly gifted for her birthday ;-), she questioned me on why i wont buy her Louis Vuitton purses any longer (she has about 10) and i simply repeated my previous answer in medium chill.  Silent treatment to follow.

December 20:  tells me she would like a Louis Vuitton purse for her Christmas gift.  Medium chill.   

December 26th:  i planned an after-Christmas 2 hr drive for dinner and see some spectacular Christmas lights.  After dinner/lights, she asks me why i didnt buy her a Louis Vuitton purse for Christmas.   I repeated my previous answer in medium chill.  2 hr ride home in silence followed by her silent cold back to me in bed. 

December 27th:  I go to sleep at regular time.  She wakes me up and asks why i didnt initiate 'intimacy'...i told her i dont desire intimacy with angry people who dish out silent treatment, but im also not a refusing husband so if she desired i pleasure her, i would provide.  She coldly rolled over and gave me her back once again .  I rolled her back over and proceeded forward with sex.  After sex, in which she participated, i was lying in bed and falling asleep.  She leaned over, tapped me on the shoulder and whispered in my ear "you know i really do care about you more than Louis Viutton purses".....

Isnt it just heartwarming to know that your loved just a little bit more than handbag. Happy New Year my Out of the FOG friends!

SoT

[Call Me Cordelia]

DH on trying to initiate circular conversation day after day: "Doesn't my constantly asking you to explain this to me show that I AM respecting your boundary?"

[bruceli]

PD: Of course you're confused, you're always confused, it's because I've changed so much!

Reality is of course the 180 degree opposite. Same dysregulation, same day, same texts and behaviors exactly one year ago today! Creepy or what?

[11JB68]

"I'm not going to serve food"
Appetizers, To our guests, on nye, while I go out to pick up dinner...
Yet one more task that is below him, or a woman's job (same thing)

[logistics]

Pd:Are you leaving to purchase a cell phone for me?

Me: No, I'm leaving to pick up son. (Of coarse spouse could do neither of these)

Pd: Can you get a cell phone tomarrow?

Me: I work tomorrow probably 12 hours.

Pd:Could you go before work? The g**** are probably there that early.

Me: 530am, probably not.

[bruceli]

PD: Why would you need to write things down? I'll tell you if you did it or not?

[bruceli]

PD: (Randomly, out of the blue) You're a f'ing liar and cheater! I found a picture of you and another woman online! Before you say anything I know it was 3 years ago and we were broken up, and I did it, and at that time,  I wasn't talking to you, but can you even begin to imagine how hurt I was when I found that picture? Like I say, you're a f'ing Narcissist and you have absolutely no feelings!

[Miss cheeky]

Me-"is there anything you'd like to do today?"
Bpdw "no, nothing comes to mind"

I go about my business all day - housework, hobbies and such

Bpdw comes to bedroom - I say I'm going to have a bath to which she replies "go ahead, avoid me some more!  You can take your rings off while you're at it and sleep in the other room!"
Okaaaaay!  Rings stayed on... I slept in the spare room.  🙄

[logistics]

Me: You never notice all I do.
PD: Yes, I do. Why were you so busy?
Me: I took down the Christmas tree, decorations, rearranged some furniture and dragged the tree to the burner.
PD: The tree is down?
(It was down for two days.)
PD: While it doesn't matter the lights were never turned on.
Daughter, overhearing our conversation(oops):Yes, they were always on.

[11JB68]

Updh: can we watch a show?
Me: it's late
Pd: aaaaggggggghhhhh
Me:what was that?
Pd: I'm frustrated. Anyway its Friday
Me: it's Thursday
Pd: well tomorrow's Friday


Besides, both ds and I have to get up early to go to workon BOTH Friday and Saturday, so what is his point?

[Findingmyvoice]

exBPDw: Now I can think about what it is like to see things from someone else's point of view.  I am able to think about what it is like to be in someone else's shoes.
me: You are learning empathy.
exBPDw: No I'm not.  That not what that means.

[bruceli]

PD: What's wrong with you, I'm  done! You need to block me! Stop answering your phone!

Me: Stop calling.

PD: What is wrong with you, what don't you get, I'm done! Block me and stop answering your phone!

[bruceli]

PD: YOU JUST DON'T  GET IT!  The reason I had to cancel tonight is that I'm already drunk and I can't get dressed.

[bruceli]

PD: I don't think I have bpd because it doesn't interfere with my work (45 jobs in 20 years). I only happens around/because of you.

[Whiteheron]

bruceli - my stbx also points to work as proof he's not mentally ill, therefore I'm the problem. He's in control of his sector at work, so he's actually been there a while. He writes letters to anyone who will read them that state "I run a multi-billion dollar company, how can someone who's mentally ill do that?" In actuality, he runs his sector of said company and the only reason he does well is because he is in complete control and there are no emotions involved - only facts.

[SonofThunder]

UPDw:   I want you, SoT, to work with me on a large 6 month project that is of interest to me and use our money and your time to achieve it.

SoT:  I'm not interested in this project, nor in giving up my own time for this large project at this time, but you are free to spend our money and do the project yourself, which you are fully capable of doing alone.

UPDw:  Anger and silent treatment throughout the 6 months of doing the project successfully alone.

SIX MONTHS LATER:

SoT:  I am starting a new project that I am interested in, will use my own money on, do not need uPDw's help with and doesn't affect UPDw in any way, but I wanted, in friendship, to tell uPDw about my project.

UPDw:  "I am not interested in your project at all and in fact, don't want SoT to do the project because SoT should use all his available time to spend with me!!!

SoT:  "I did not ask you to join me on the project, spend any of your/our money or time on the project and showed you how my project will not affect you or us in any way, and yet you are angry.  Why?

UPDw:  "because I'm bitter and angry with you about my project which you were not interested in giving your time and money for!!!"   

PD HYPOCRISY....

[11JB68]

UOCPDH: everyone should just listen to me and do what I say!!

[11JB68]

UOCPDH: (preparing for meeting with client He is fighting with and ready to discard, which will take place at h's home office) I'm keeping the air horn by my computer, if he says something stupid I'll honk it. Do we have a spray bottle?
Me: no. And you're not going to spray him.
UOCPDH: you're not telling me what to do, and Yes, I'm going to humiliate him. Do we have a spray bottle?
Me:no.

[bruceli]

PD: You need to change X behavior!

PD: I've been noticing that you have changed X behavior, I don't trust you, you must have done something and are now trying to cover up for it with the changed behavior.