InTheDragonsDen

[InTheDragonsDen]

Early November we had a huge blow up due to me stepping in and stopping my wife from flirting / grinding with other men at parties. It was actually 3 events where this happened. The first I told her to me what she was doing was wrong. The second she did it again and we argued after. The third I stepped in between her and the other man. Since then she has acted out quite a bit but also done social media things to make it look like we are two young love birds.
Party season upcoming over the next couple of weeks and her cousin is planning a party at her house as well as going out to a couple private parties. Her cousin has quite a few characteristics that match my wife. My wife has said that she is choosing family over parties and we will have a small low key evening with her parents, BUT as each day passes she is acting out more, being more sarcastic, upping her "playful" pinches, bites and angry faces. Last couple days she looked depressed to me so something is coming down the road heading my way. I am trying not to react to her ups and downs. Sometimes I am successful and sometimes she gets my goat. Learned long ago there is no problem solving or trying to work out issues. Oh, she is sleeping more. A lot more but then again she is also staying up later. She was caught cheating once. Zero remorse. Yup I left and came back. Feel certain after watching her drooling over other guys that she is probably cheating again or will in the near future. Before the incident in November I felt grounded in our home. Grounded in our neighborhood. Now I feel totally lost. It feels so strange. The bond I had with her and dreams about our future together are gone. Think it is because I know I mean nothing to her and she could replace me in a second.
As a child, my home life was beyond chaos. I dealt with problems but going to sleep and not dealing with them the next day or ever. That same problem solving has made me "forget" red flag after red flag in our relationship over 9 years. The realization that I am in a no win scenario has left me searching for answers to my future.

[Lookin 2 B Free]

Welcome ITDD. Perhaps somewhere here you've already been pointed to the resources and toolbox which have been such a lifesaver for so many here.  If not, they're worth checking out.

It sounds like a pretty painful place you're in.  With or without infidelity, having a spouse deliberately trying to make us jealous is a low blow.  It wasn't the worst thing he did, in my case, but probably one of the most painful.

Dreams of a happy future together, that somehow this person could get "fixed" and there's still hope ... that stuff dies hard for many of us.  And the red-flag-ignorer that was installed in some of us by our FOO doesn't help.   I hope you find some support here in your search for where to go from here!  Please let us know how you're doing.