Typical conversation...

[TooLiteral]

Before work this morning

Him: Don't we have a parts breakdown of the Bobcat?
Me: Yes. I have it on the computer.
Him: Well can't you look at it and figure out if the hoses need to be switched.
Me: I've tried. I look at it but I don't know
what I'm looking at. It's so confusing to me.
Him: No, you just don't feel like it. You're not trying.
Me: No, it all looks the same to me. There are hundreds of hoses and wires and I don't know the difference between a hydrostatic and a whatever motor. Maybe after work we can look at it together and you can show me.
Him (hands on face, visibly pissed:) After work I have more work. I guess I'll just call the company myself and spend two hours with them on the phone to ask one stupid question. It's not like I have anything else to do today.
(Spends the rest of the morning slamming things around, doesn't say good bye before he leaves for work.)

This is the kind of conversation we have about life. If I disagree, he attacks.

[notrightinthehead]

He is baiting you, you take the bait and engage thus giving him an opening to take his frustration out on you. Afterwards you are left feeling agitated.
Possible Alternatives:

Him: Don't we have a parts breakdown of the Bobcat?
You: Not sure. Walk away or change topic.

or:

Him: Don't we have a parts breakdown of the Bobcat?
Me: Yes. I have it on the computer.
Him: Well can't you look at it and figure out if the hoses need to be switched.
Me: I've tried. I look at it but I don't know  what I'm looking at. It's so confusing to me.
Him: No, you just don't feel like it. You're not trying.
You: You are right. I leave this to people who know what they are doing. Walk away.  or:  You seem to be in a bad mood. I will not talk with you when you are in a bad mood. We can talk again when we are both calm.  Walk away.

or, once you have gone through the whole thing:
(Spends the rest of the morning slamming things around, doesn't say good bye before he leaves for work.)
You: Shake head. Say: Some people. Feel deep inside. Is it your problem? If it is - can you fix it? If not, can you get help? If it isn't your problem - is he capable of fixing it? If he is - stop feeling responsible and let him fix it.
This is not kind and loving treatment.  Try not to engage when he baits you.  He might just be using you to get rid of some of his frustration.

[tragedy or hope]

I get asked questions my unpdh does not want to find answers for himself. He is actually insecure  about admitting he does not know the answer or even who to talk to or what to say to get an answer. so I get baited. I am learning to decline to help.
some things I say,
gee I don't know, how would I do that? do you know, could you help me?
I need to take care of something else, I will have to pay closer attention to what you are asking later
I am in the middle of something else. Sorry. Maybe you could start the process.
Sorry I just can't help with that. I am not willing to deal with your behavior over these kinds of issues. I am not responsible.

He will whine and bellyache no matter what you do or how well you do it. He is not comfortable in his own skin. Imagine a wool jacket without lining... that's his real complaint from the inside out.

When I can get a grip and realize his need to whine, I get out of the way...

[Amedee]

Good answers.