My Life so far

[Rosie2021]

So happy this site exists, just found it. I have been living with my in laws for the past five years and not by choice. honestly if i had 2020 vision i would have never married my husband b/c of his mother. i was in an emotionally abusive home and never wanted to be in one again. its sad b/c we are married 14 years and i LOVE my husband and i have 3 kids with him. we are living here purely due to lack of funds and need for support as we are both working. i have no doubt in my mind my mil has BPD with narcissism and a victim mentality. sadly i have no support from my parents. she is so controlling and mentally exhausting. my husband has no control over her and although he genuinely hates living with her too, he is powerless to stop it. will write more late....so glad to be here!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Thru the Rain]

Rosie - So sorry to hear you're going through this!

Are you and your DH aligned in wanted to move out and re-establish your own home?

It can be so daunting, but start making a plan, and take baby steps to achieving that plan. Some easy (free) things to start with could be determining how much money you would need to rent an apartment or house. First month's rent and deposit? Utility deposits? It can feel overwhelming, but at this point it's just information.

Think about what else you would need to move out and make a list. It may feel impossible, but having a plan is so important to achieving freedom! You can do this.

[Rosie2021]

We both want to move. the problems are 2 fold. 1) rent money, we have three kids, two we pay tuition (we send to religious private school) for and our finances took a very big hit 2 years ago where we lost all of our savings. 2) we both work full time even with covid as we are teachers. we will at times need to send the kids to her for her to look after while we are on zoom or they are on zoom. also b/c we live with her the rent is cheap. i honestly live in fear of every conversation with her and every interaction. i feel like a slave. I have no drive. and i am expected to spend upwards of 4 hours on satudays with her every Saturday (shabbos). its very hard. I am actually going on anti depressants this month b/c i have had enough.

[Cat of the Canals]

I'm so sorry you're forced to be in such close contact with someone that makes you feel this way.

Have you read any of the stuff in the toolbox section of the site? I think the guides on boundaries, gray rock, and medium chill (found under What To Do) might be techniques that would be useful in your situation, especially in the short term.