Dad not seen his grandkids for probably 2 years now

[p123]

I'm guessing this is a sure sign of someone with a personality disorder?

I know we've had Covid but Dad hasn't seen my oldest for probably 2 years now. My youngest (8) for almost the same time. Not once has he now asked me to bring them to see him. Hes not bothered AT ALL.

I used to visit him at weekends and take my daughter. He'd ignore her totally. I've put a stop to that now - see my other thread.

Its as if he sees my kids as a distraction. i.e. they are something preventing him getting full access to me.
He is so obsessed with what he needs me to do for him this is how he is.

A quick few stories (these are what pushed my wife over the edge with him).

- When we told him wife was pregnant with last one (she was 41 at the time) he blurted out "What is the matter with you both? Why have you done that?". In front of my wife. Worse still "Was it an accident?" (it wasnt).

- Brother has 3 kids from previous relationships. One of the mother has "issues". Social services contacted brother to take temporary custody of HIS kid. Dad dis his best to talk  him out of it because "you'll be too busy with work". And he did. Disgusted I was.

Bottom line as I can see now is that Dad wants 100% attention. Anything else just takes attention away from him.

[blacksheep7]

Hi p123,

I would also say that your dad does have a Pd, especially from your former posts.   They are very self centered.  I know that you are already aware of that.

My Ncovert M and enmeshed sis  (I'm nc) were the complete opposite, especially sis.  She was always asking to see my gkids which was to distract them for supply and at the same time avoid discussions that matter.  Sis and M are Superficial, it's all about fun and games.

[p123]

I just can't imagine not wanting to see your own grandkids. Or should I say, being so absorbed in yourself that you've got no time for them.

Surely as you get older that the things that keep you going, seeing your grandkids etc. Not with Dad.
All he seems to want in life at the moment is for me to "do my duty". Thats it nothing else.

[moglow]

I see you and I'll raise you one:
One of my mother's first grandchildren was FIVE before mother met her. She lived less than two hours away, mother was retired/not employed at the time. Brother and his wife both full time employed and raising two little ones. Mother couldn't be bothered, literally didn't meet her until they brought her to mother's house.

But I'm to blame for mother having no relationship with her son and his family ...

[moglow]

Note - all the grand's are now in their late 20s-30s. Guarantee mother can't tell you when she last saw any of them. But she doesn't see or have any real relationships with the four of us either, so there's consistency. First great-grandchild made her entrance last October - same. Didn't even ask me about her, knowing I'd been to visit the fam.

Also of note, mother was in her 50s when first grandchildren arrived. Not old, in ill health, unable to travel etc. She's just not interested.

[blacksheep7]

I have to add what NM said  to sis when she went to my gson's first bday, before nc.  She is not invited anymore, my kids respect my nc.

«kids bday parties all always the same»     

Wow, it says it all, just another bday party for her.  Nothing nice to say.

[p123]

I see you and I'll raise you one:
One of my mother's first grandchildren was FIVE before mother met her. She lived less than two hours away, mother was retired/not employed at the time. Brother and his wife both full time employed and raising two little ones. Mother couldn't be bothered, literally didn't meet her until they brought her to mother's house.

But I'm to blame for mother having no relationship with her son and his family ...

Wow. Thats just ubelievable!

[p123]

Note - all the grand's are now in their late 20s-30s. Guarantee mother can't tell you when she last saw any of them. But she doesn't see or have any real relationships with the four of us either, so there's consistency. First great-grandchild made her entrance last October - same. Didn't even ask me about her, knowing I'd been to visit the fam.

Also of note, mother was in her 50s when first grandchildren arrived. Not old, in ill health, unable to travel etc. She's just not interested.

My Dad forgets their names, has no idea what age they are..... When I said eldest was nearly 18 he said "oh I though he was about 12 now"