FYI,,,,Nothing Changes

[TurnThePage]

Hello All

I have not been on here for quite a while (years in fact).  Chose to stay with my Husband after finding out he had BPD.  Many ups and downs.

Yes....they never change.  That fact IS True!  Had learned how to deal with him and am no longer in therapy as therapist pretty much dropped me since I decided to stay with BPDH.  (That was tough to take but think therapist was sick of telling me to leave while I refused to go)

BPDH went through some serious health issues and no longer can work.  Funny thing is ....he was on his best behavior during all of this. 

Until now....

Now he is right back to where he was before.  Treating me as an afterthought and running circles around me with his circular talk and gaslighting.

Seems the only reason he stays is because I pay all the bills!  When he wants something he is sweet as pie.  As soon as he gets it...I'm dirt beneath his feet!

Okay...to be fair maybe I got lazy in dealing with him and he just didn't have the energy to mess with me because of his illness. 

Now that he's getting his energy back he's ready to go back to the way it was But I Am Not! 

At this stage of my life I will not tolerate it!  (Over 50 btw....)

For all of you out there I just want you to know....They do not Change....Ever!!!!   

We are the ones that Must Change!   Life is Waaay Tooo Short to let others control you!

I have often wondered at what age will I be able to do want I want when I want.  I feel that time will never come.

This was my choice....yes, mine as I knew what I was getting into years ago. 

and Yes...this is a rant on my part.  I get that....hope you all understand.

[Poison Ivy]

I do understand. I'm 61. My ex is a few years older than me. Sometimes I thought that he behaved the way he did because he was stuck being married to me. Guess what: He hasn't changed since the divorce. The core behaviors that concerned me have continued or gotten worse. My life has improved.

[SonofThunder]

Welcome back to Out of the FOG, TurnThePage ☺️

Im glad you returned to tell your story, as many who pass through this great place, take a chance on the hope of change, only to find themselves full circle once again. 

Please consider sticking around this time, for friendship and the camaraderie of interacting with others who are also currently 'committed to working on it', yet find themselves at the crossroads of the reality that their PD person will not change.

See you around the boards,

SoT

[TurnThePage]

Thank you for understanding and responding to my post. 

This is a wonderful forum with terrific people.  I have learned so much from all of you.

I will stick around...Need a Refresher Course 




 



   

[Crushed]

wow, turn the page, I needed that tonight. It sounds eerily prophetic to where I could end up. I am trying to stay strong to tell my uPDH that I am done before I get to 50.

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome! Thanks for telling your story. I stayed away and your post gave me a little boost that this was the right choice for me. Even if he could be a better person for another woman, he would still be the same person for me. Go back to the basics - start by reading the Toolbox again. See you around!

[TurnThePage]

Oh My!  This is making me cry....

I am glad this is helping others but makes me sad for myself that I never took my own advice.

Please stay strong and do what is best For You!!!!   You might think it seams selfish at the moment but it is not.

If you do not take care of yourself, first and foremost, you will not have anything left to give anyone else.

Trust me....I know......