Recent posts
#1
Dealing with PD Elderly Family Members / Re: Feeling anxious about nPar...
Last post by walking on broken glass - Today at 07:47:37 AM@SaintBlackSheep your post made me chuckle many times. You have a very funny and engaging way of writing!
I am sorry the visit was so demanding but it looks like you handled it like a pro. The technique of clutching at straws to find a way to get in touch is so familiar. Even things that have to do with you, they manage to make them about themselves and use them to try to interact with you. Or they come up with ridiculous excuses like the family photo. Like, what are you going to discuss? Resolution? Poses? Who is the most photogenic?
I am sorry the visit was so demanding but it looks like you handled it like a pro. The technique of clutching at straws to find a way to get in touch is so familiar. Even things that have to do with you, they manage to make them about themselves and use them to try to interact with you. Or they come up with ridiculous excuses like the family photo. Like, what are you going to discuss? Resolution? Poses? Who is the most photogenic?
#2
Friends, Neighbors, Acquaintances and Coworkers / Re: Healthy friendships
Last post by JollyJazz - Today at 07:12:05 AMHello, thanks so much for all your thoughts!
For the record I have built some healthy relationships.
I've also gotten myself away from some toxic ones in the past few years. As I've been doing more and more personal growth, I've started to also notice some old friendships that are not so healthy in more subtle ways.
I'm starting to look for other friendships as well. Thanks for all your thoughts everyone!
For the record I have built some healthy relationships.
I've also gotten myself away from some toxic ones in the past few years. As I've been doing more and more personal growth, I've started to also notice some old friendships that are not so healthy in more subtle ways.
I'm starting to look for other friendships as well. Thanks for all your thoughts everyone!
#3
Dealing with PD Siblings and other Family Members / Re: Low contact turned to no c...
Last post by Call Me Cordelia - Today at 06:47:27 AMQuoteI don't know why, for years, she would routinely say stuff like "I miss you so much!" and "I loved seeing you on Zoom!" but would hardly ever initiate contact herself? I really don't understand it.
#4
Friends, Neighbors, Acquaintances and Coworkers / Re: Fired a friend today
Last post by notrightinthehead - Today at 05:59:32 AMCongratulations Rebel! Did you do a fade? Pity about the kids, you probably were a positive person in their life.
#5
Dealing with PD Siblings and other Family Members / Re: Low contact turned to no c...
Last post by walking on broken glass - Today at 05:42:07 AMHello @Rebel13!
Thanks so much. Both your story and your comments here help me realize that guilt is normal but it shouldn't necessarily dictate my actions. And you are so right about how people like your mum and my sis will be telling themselves that they are the wronged parties and we are being selfish. My sis has never apologized to me about her bad behaviour. She always plays the victim ('poor me, why does my sister hate me so much, while I have done nothing but love her?) and this is the side my parents choose to see too. She can do no wrong, as far as they are concerned.
A couple of weeks ago I went on a trip with my partner to Bordeaux (a truly beautiful city!). I told my parents about the trip and they immediately remarked 'your sis went there and didn't like it'. What was the reason? 'It was full of black people'. Yeap, she is racist too. My sister's words reported through my parents reminded me what it's like having a conversation with her. Best case scenario, you want to die of boredom, worst case scenario you want to scream.
I've been thinking more of her as a religious holiday is approaching, and - as you said in your own post - people like sis are very keen on holidays and birthdays. Sis used my birthday as an excuse to force me to talk to her 'just to say hi birthday' and then highjacked the call and talked about herself. As the holiday is approaching, I am conscious that my parents will want me to get in touch with sis 'because these things are important and she is on her own, poor thing'. I don't want to get in touch with her. If she gets in touch with me, I will have to think carefully how to respond.
I suspect that sis does not really want to be in regular touch with me either. What she wants is me to want to be in touch with her, and she know that's not the case. And so she pushes to get what she wants.
Thanks so much. Both your story and your comments here help me realize that guilt is normal but it shouldn't necessarily dictate my actions. And you are so right about how people like your mum and my sis will be telling themselves that they are the wronged parties and we are being selfish. My sis has never apologized to me about her bad behaviour. She always plays the victim ('poor me, why does my sister hate me so much, while I have done nothing but love her?) and this is the side my parents choose to see too. She can do no wrong, as far as they are concerned.
A couple of weeks ago I went on a trip with my partner to Bordeaux (a truly beautiful city!). I told my parents about the trip and they immediately remarked 'your sis went there and didn't like it'. What was the reason? 'It was full of black people'. Yeap, she is racist too. My sister's words reported through my parents reminded me what it's like having a conversation with her. Best case scenario, you want to die of boredom, worst case scenario you want to scream.
I've been thinking more of her as a religious holiday is approaching, and - as you said in your own post - people like sis are very keen on holidays and birthdays. Sis used my birthday as an excuse to force me to talk to her 'just to say hi birthday' and then highjacked the call and talked about herself. As the holiday is approaching, I am conscious that my parents will want me to get in touch with sis 'because these things are important and she is on her own, poor thing'. I don't want to get in touch with her. If she gets in touch with me, I will have to think carefully how to respond.
I suspect that sis does not really want to be in regular touch with me either. What she wants is me to want to be in touch with her, and she know that's not the case. And so she pushes to get what she wants.
#6
Separating & Divorcing / Re: One year since divorce was...
Last post by escapingman - Today at 04:46:46 AMThanks for your messages.
Not in a million years could I think life could be this good. Yes I have dips, some days or moments are hard, but overall everything gets better every day.
Not in a million years could I think life could be this good. Yes I have dips, some days or moments are hard, but overall everything gets better every day.
#7
The Welcome Mat / Stalked, tortured and slander
Last post by Tookblametokeepthepeace - Today at 12:13:20 AMCurrently feeling trapped. I am surrounded by stalkers in my living situation. Slandered concerning having an affair, when I haven't even been on a date since 2014 because of stalkers. Honey pots is the term I believe they use. I have been harassed so much I quit going out to socialize. My family and extended are friends with my stalkers. Both my siblings have gotten trips and gifts for stalking me for them. On top of everything else I got blacklisted and ant time I go to police or sheriffs office, I have gotten no help. The county non-profits have been the same. My stalking has been going on for decades. It has changed the way I live. I used to go hiking at the county park. In 2017 I got ass raped dry which gave me a very painful hemorrhoid. I quit getting SART tests as they all came back negative, even the one where I woke in hospital in August 2016 with bruises, cut hair, 1 contact removed, jewelry broken, glove stolen. When I got test results saying I didn't get assaulted either, I tried to contest to no avail. Every time I have contacted a lawyer they say they will help than the next day sorry we can't help you. Mafia & CIA. I'm currently missing half my teeth from torture and hair removed, eyelashes and eyebrows because they are insane with jealousy. I had moved away from my mother who no longer pretends to be nice. I had to be told by other people my mother was saying the worst things about me. My father got a women pregnant while I was 6 months in my mothers belly. I did't find out until I was 16 my mothers father sais this is your sister. She looked like the twin of my older brother. I was completely traumatized and would never have an affair with a married man. I'm 62 and when I was 43 my 9 years younger who was a alcoholic & coke head at the time attacked me saying her friend told her I pulled my dress up to her boyfriend at the time, who she cheated on days before. It never happened but that was a stalker that told her so she would attack me. She jumped me from behind and as I fell on a bed than got on top of her holding her hands down, four of her friends grabbed me spread eagle while she ended up breaking my
nose after pushing me backwards down a flight of stairs. A boy called the cops and her friends lied and said it was just the two of us. Stalkers many friends in police dept. The stalkers followed me to INDIA in 2015, when I left I thought it was just one stalker I had an incident with in 2011 in S.F. He told people I drugged him, because for some reason he picked me up by the throat, he's 6'4 pressed me against the wall and my shoe went through the heater/air conditioner. As there was damage in the room as evidence he made up that I drugged him. Actually the mini bar had a wine I took 1 sip and he drank the rest. I was the one meant to be drugged. It gets worse but I will leave it at that. Blacklisting not good.
nose after pushing me backwards down a flight of stairs. A boy called the cops and her friends lied and said it was just the two of us. Stalkers many friends in police dept. The stalkers followed me to INDIA in 2015, when I left I thought it was just one stalker I had an incident with in 2011 in S.F. He told people I drugged him, because for some reason he picked me up by the throat, he's 6'4 pressed me against the wall and my shoe went through the heater/air conditioner. As there was damage in the room as evidence he made up that I drugged him. Actually the mini bar had a wine I took 1 sip and he drank the rest. I was the one meant to be drugged. It gets worse but I will leave it at that. Blacklisting not good.
#8
Common Behaviors / Re: Stalking/ Smearing/ Exposi...
Last post by Tookblametokeepthepeace - Yesterday at 11:13:21 PMHi Invisible woman, I'm glad you are out of the situation.
#9
Separating & Divorcing / Re: One Year Out!!!
Last post by sunshine702 - Yesterday at 07:12:17 PMI am sorry I am late to the celebration// but know that you are my spirit guide. I am only 9 year into the mud and only out recently out but yes quiet and sanctuary sounds like yes.
I am aware there are survive days but what the heck did I do abuse days are worse
Happy freedom dear
I am aware there are survive days but what the heck did I do abuse days are worse
Happy freedom dear
#10
Committed to Working On It / Re: Deep hatred borderline and...
Last post by tommom - Yesterday at 05:44:02 PMJust another book suggestion I found most helpful (I have been with my PD for 51 years in May). It has helped me get through and taught me how to defend and protect myself. It is called "How to Stop Caretaking the Borderline/Narcissist". It is incredibly helpful, or has been for me. Wish you the best