Out of the FOG

Coping with Personality Disorders => Co-parenting and Secondary Relationships => Topic started by: lightupthere on November 02, 2016, 06:44:09 PM

Title: Jealous
Post by: lightupthere on November 02, 2016, 06:44:09 PM
My children are 17 and 24.  They chose to live with their father. Who lied, cheated, and alienated everyone on both sides of the family.

When I see them they will tell me how much fun they all had celebrating events (my son's girlfriend lives there free of charge as well, as does my daughter's boyfriend a lot of the time). And how much they enjoy playing with the family dogs. And what they all cooked and ordered in and how good it was.   After these encounters I feel sick and depressed.  I live alone.

My ex is such an awful person. Listening to them say how wonderful he is (they all live free of room and board) is so hard to get over.

I chose to leave the family home due to his cheating and verbal abuse. He was triangulating my son and I against each other horribly. I took my daughter and left, but she chose to go back. Her father would call her and tell her how much he missed her, how much the dogs missed her etc. He let her have no curfew and have her boyfriend sleep over and smoke things together in the house.

Has anyone been able to be happy and move on when their children live with their ex?
Title: Re: Jealous
Post by: lightupthere on November 03, 2016, 05:33:22 PM
Title: Re: Jealous
Post by: Rose1 on November 03, 2016, 07:37:57 PM
I know of a couple of situations where kids were attracted by the promise of money and no rules.  In one case the mother said to me the most difficult thing was to let it happen but eventually her ex turned on the son in particular and he saw the light.  She said if she hadn't allowed it her son would forever have wanted to hang around with his dad.  He had to learn for himself.  It's tough but possibly outside your control as well.  Be there for when it falls apart.
In the other case eventually the son realised that he had wasted years on playing that can't be regained and that this affected his ability to work and basically grow up.  Sad but also nothing you can do except be there when it falls apart.