Out of the FOG

Coping with Personality Disorders => Co-parenting and Secondary Relationships => Topic started by: dragonfly101 on February 05, 2017, 03:44:09 PM

Title: good books on BPD to give to my 16 year old?
Post by: dragonfly101 on February 05, 2017, 03:44:09 PM
(originally posted on another forum, and advised to post here)
Hi,

I divorced my ex-wife 10 years ago, and our eldest child is now 16.  It's always been a battle for me to keep and maintain contact with my kids, involving the courts, and my ex trying to alienate the kids against me.  Still we've made it through somehow, and now it's got to a point where my 16 year old is able to talk openly to me about it, I showed him a link to a website that had a checklist of BPD characteristics, my son read it and said yes, she exhibits all of those. 

I see a couple of books on amazon specifically for dealing with a borderline parent, but both of them seem to be aimed at adults.  Would they still help my 16 year old, who is living through this at the moment?

The two books are:
"Surviving A Borderline Parent: How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds and Build Trust, Boundaries, and Self-Esteem"
"Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship "

His two younger brothers, 13 and 14, still seem too much in denial that there is a problem with their mother, so I've not mentioned 'BPD' to them, just talked about 'mum getting cross sometimes', and won't show this book to them, I'm hoping they will open up more as they get older.

I've got to say, I feel for everyone who finds themselves having to use this site, I was lucky in that neither of my close family had such a condition, it hurts me a lot to see my kids having to endure this much tougher childhood than I had.
Title: Re: good books on BPD to give to my 16 year old?
Post by: Latchkey on February 06, 2017, 12:32:46 AM


We put together an article on this that might help:

Talking to Kids
http://outofthefog.website/what-to-do-2/2015/12/5/talking-to-kids

When it comes to books on BPD I'd recommend not handing him the books just yet. I think you could read through them first and maybe find a few excerpts that could help him. I recently was talking to my D17 about her BPD/ASPD Dad and some other PD folks we know and was describing the witch, waif, hermit, queen  archetypes- from "understanding the borderline mother" I think. It's been a while since I looked at those books.  It fascinated my D17. So, maybe there are some parts that might excite him and interest him and help him but I'd tread very lightly while he is still in high school and having to see her weekly. You don't want to have him telling his brothers that their mother is a witch/queen because he read it in a book Dad gave him or something like that.

At 16 he should be focused more on coping skills. Another book that might help with paraphased excerpts is called "Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist". We have a review of it in our Book Review section below.

Be careful how much you discuss BPD with him. Try to focus on the behaviors and developing positive coping skills.