Out of the FOG

Coping with Personality Disorders => Dealing with PD Parents => Topic started by: Afterthefox on April 21, 2017, 06:20:35 PM

Title: NC with BPDf - Flying Monkey #2
Post by: Afterthefox on April 21, 2017, 06:20:35 PM
After seven months of silent treatment from my BPD father, I recently received an email from his secretary inviting me to an event that my father will be attending. I replied to her at medium chill to say thank you, and I asked if the invitation was sent at my father's request, as there has been a lengthy, unexplained silence.

She has not responded to my question. Therefore, I can only assume that she included my address on the invitation list by mistake and has been ordered not to correspond with me. Or, that she was ordered to invite me but not to correspond with me. Either way, it is confusing and a very clear reflection of the chaos created by my father's dysfunction. Am I invited? Am I not? Was it sent by mistake? Was it intentional? etc.

The secretary has been employed as a flying monkey in the past and recently tried to hoover me on social media.  She friend-requested two of my accounts, asked me questions about my life, which I avoided answering, and when I attempted polite small talk, she did not respond. She is, however, my only connection to my elderly father.

Any advice on how, or whether, to follow up any correspondence regarding the invitation would be appreciated.
Title: Re: NC with BPDf - Flying Monkey #2
Post by: notrightinthehead on April 21, 2017, 07:19:13 PM
Do you want to go? If you want to go, do it. If you don't feel like going, don't go. If your father gives you the silent treatment, let him ignore you, This is a good chance to find out what you want to do.
Title: Re: NC with BPDf - Flying Monkey #2
Post by: Afterthefox on April 21, 2017, 07:38:58 PM
Thanks for your advice.

At the moment, I am simply curious to know whether my father is attempting to communicate, or whether I was invited by mistake.
The answer will inform whether I am even remotely welcome at the event. If I am not welcome, then, of course, I would consider this email invitation a mindless and hurtful oversight on the secretary's part. If it is a genuine invitation, then I will approach my decision-making from a different view.

I highly doubt that I would be invited to see my father at a public engagement after a lengthy period of silent treatment, without some form of prior correspondence. The problem is, I won't know if it is genuine unless the secretary informs me. As always with my father, I am never sure of anything.