Out of the FOG

Coping with Personality Disorders => Dealing with PD Parents => Topic started by: KD5FUL on July 20, 2018, 08:26:26 PM

Title: Pd parent phrases
Post by: KD5FUL on July 20, 2018, 08:26:26 PM
Did your pd parenst say any of these phrases to you when you were a child?  Do they still say any of them to you now?

Things they said when I was younger:

"Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about"

"Children should be seen and not heard"

"I'm going to teach you a lesson"

Things they say now:

"You were always so difficult"

"I did the best I could"

"No parents are perfect"

"You didn't come with an instruction manual"

"All you want to do is fight"

"You live in the past.  Get over it."
Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: bruceli on July 20, 2018, 08:46:20 PM
They said all of the childhood ones, but non of the current ones most likely due to that would mean that they may have been wrong or may not have known exactly what they where doing, and they could never do that. In my 52 years on this planet, I have never heard my parents say "sorry" for anything or to anyone.
Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: Amadahy on July 20, 2018, 09:32:48 PM
Actually, none of these (in words anyway), but the unanswerable, matter-of-fact, not even in a rage ....

"I wish I had never had kids."

Thanks, Nmom. You're a peach.   :sadno:
Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: Some One on July 21, 2018, 12:41:06 AM
I used to get, "You were always so difficult to love."

My mother did some variation of "I did the best I could" and "I'm not perfect" usually with the fake cry mixed in. (Insert eye roll here)
Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: UsedUp on July 21, 2018, 01:14:00 AM
Growing up...Mom, 'You were an accident. We didn't mean to have YOU.'

Dad, 'You're stupid!'  'You don't have a mind of your own!'  'Kids always inherit the WORST of both parents.'
Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: Seven on July 21, 2018, 01:34:12 AM
“When I found out I was pregnant with you, (after having six already) I cried and cried” (not happy tears)
Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: truthseeker4life on July 21, 2018, 03:01:58 AM
My favorite of My pd mom

Mom - what do you want for mother's day, your birthday, etc. (This was when I was talking to her)

Oh she would day, "I just want good kids"

As i got older I would get angry and say well you already have that - what do you want - i would say - i am good - i could have turned out really bad

Her reply, "I could have turned out really bad too"

!!!

Her wanting "good" kids meant kids without independence who fully served their mother's interests above all else.

Scary thing is I know she is praying "for my conversion" at church almost every day getting sympathy from all that will listen when they know nothing of her abuse and lies which she is never accountable for. And because I stood up to her for once in 40 years - she has utterly abandoned me rather than admit to her ways.
Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: practical on July 21, 2018, 08:20:33 AM
M: "Madame, ..." followed by some statement about how I had offended her, done something wrong, but more importantly a look and tone of voice that turned you into a pile of ashes.

M: "I hope you suffer when you have kids they way I suffer because of you." or "I hope your kids are as difficult/horrible as you are, then you'll know what I went through because of you."

M: "You are so cold, I pity your children/you should never have children." (me refusing to fulfill her latest need).

M: "If I was young again, I would never marry and have children but would live my life free of any burdens." (while at the same time insisting she loved me so much and expecting me to be her mascot, her dutiful daughter).

uOCPDF when showing him some thing I had made: "The next time you should do it this way ..." (= his way, the only perfect way), might not sound so bad, is incredibly corrosive as it says "you are not good enough" again and again and again.

F: "I cannot watch this." Grabbing whatever you were doing and finishing it, or leaving the room with, both statements suggesting - really stating - you are doing it wrong.

B or me: "What do you want for your birthday?"
F: "Peace and quiet."
This happened so many times that B and I gave him a nicely wrapped giant box, labeled "Peace & Quiet" one day.

F: "Don't disturb me!" or "What do you want from me now?" said with utter enervation and suffering, when wanting to show him something, talk to him, so I left and over time just didn't bother anymore, disturbed him only when absolutely necessary. Yeah, and I was considered F's favorite, apparently a relative term depending on where your scale starts.
Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: DaisyGirl77 on July 21, 2018, 10:50:53 AM
"You're bad/awful/etc."

"Why can't you be more like your sister?"

"When I found out I was pregnant with [Sis1], I cried & cried.  I didn't want another child like you."

"Why must you be so difficult?"

"Why must you always fight?"  OR:  "Why can't you go one day without fighting?"

"You're willful/stubborn."

"You can't be friends with ___."

"I can't trust you."  (When I'd given my uNM zero reason for this.)

"You need to apologize to me for all the things you did as a kid."

"I didn't do anything wrong; you did."

"I did the best I could."

"If you hadn't ___, then I wouldn't have had to spank you so much."  (More like beat because she did it with a wooden spoon.)

"You need to change for me.  I'm too old to change."

"You needed structure/discipline/stability."  --  After describing an incident where she dragged 5 month old me to 5 different people's houses on Christmas Day & I threw an epic fit after the third house & she had to call off the rest of her plans.

"I gave up my friends for you."  --  See above for why.

"You're so hard to love."

"I love your sisters more than you."

"I had to give up my life for you!  I gave up my friends, all the things I loved to do, to take care of you!"

Lots more, but those are the ones that came to mind.
Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: Zebrastriped on July 21, 2018, 11:11:22 AM
My uBPDmom would often tell me, dripping with sarcasm, "I hope you have a kid like you."  I did, and I loved it and she knew it.
Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: Summer Sun on July 21, 2018, 11:23:10 AM
A resounding yes to ALL the youth phrases and yes to a couple of the adult phrases with a twist.  Whenever I would attempt to bring up something painful from childhood, Unpdm would say, “I don’t live in the past”. 

UNPDf also had a pet name growing up pronounced “E - D - OT”. How special!

Summer Sun

Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: blacksheep7 on July 21, 2018, 12:49:30 PM
M "you were stubborn, you didn't want to say you were sorry to your gf"   I was 4 maybe.  I heard it often
being an adult.

M, when we would call her,  after we would say "hi mom" she would reply in a singing tone, being sarcastic " no news is good news".  I asked her "why do you say that"?  I knew why but I wanted to hear her response which was "you're the only one who complains about it"  She continued until I lost my temper before I went nc the first time.  To provoke was her fun and get her message across.

Comparison with my sister was regular before I went nc the second and last time one year ago.

M "your're looking for problems when there are worst ones in the world right now"  :stars:
Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: OnwardUpward on July 21, 2018, 04:07:10 PM
Oh my gosh, yeah.  All of the above. 

Also, "You have a very vivid imagination."

"You're going to make some man verrrrry happy some day"  (eye roll, look of disgust)

"Why can't you have more friends like your sister."

"X [any friend at the time] is weird.  She's just weird."

"I love you because I have to, but I don't like you."

"You're jealous of my relationship with your sister, always have been."

"You're jealous..."  of pretty much anything that is a source of conflict - she spins it so it's something I'm 'jealous' of.

"You're your father's daughter."

"My marriage ruined me"  (also, I ruined their marriage.  Goes back and forth between these two, depends on the day.)

I could go on and on.  This thread is a great read - thanks for the post KD5FUL! 
Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: HeadAboveWater on July 21, 2018, 05:25:38 PM
The adult phrases ring true for me, particularly the first three. “No parents are perfect” has been used by my mother both to absolve herself of responsibility and in attempts to get me to raise children of my own, though I feel unready.

I’ll add some childhood phrases, many of which have carried over into my adulthood:
“You’re too sensitive.”
“You’re a drama queen.”
“You’re just like your mother/father.” (Obviously, not in a good way)
Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: truthseeker4life on July 21, 2018, 06:27:58 PM
Ha

My mom used to use the phrase

I hope you get a kid just like you

And I used to say

It must skip a generation because how did you get me?  I'm set then!
Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: carrots on July 21, 2018, 08:36:13 PM
B or me: "What do you want for your birthday?"
F: "Peace and quiet."

My uBPDM had a similar answer to the same question "Children who don't fight."  We didn't give her a box of it though.  :thumbup: on that idea, practical.

From the list at the top of thread, my parents especially uBPDM said most of them. "Why are you so difficult?" was a favourite. Also "It's your own stupid fault".

Some memorable ones were rare but hit hard. From uBPDM "You're jealous of the good relationship your brother and I have". She neglected me emotionally and refused to protect me from B1. As for "good relationship" M went into rages and hit B when he was small and by the time he was a teen the tables had turned and he was hitting her instead. Really good relationship.
Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: Farm Girl on July 21, 2018, 11:39:26 PM
M: It’s a good thing god was smart enough not to give you kids. They’d be in jail by now.

M: It’s a good thing you don’t have kids - you’d never get to do all these things if you had kids (referring to the stressful and undesired travel I was required to do for my 80-hour a week job).

F: No matter how good you think you are at this (usually in reference to high school sports), there is always somebody better.

M: Dogs don’t go to heaven! (upon the death of my beloved dog when I was 5 and said, “At least Coco is with God now.”).

M: This isn’t for telling (meaning I’d better not repeat what was done or said at home referring to every single thing that happened at home for the first 18 years of my life)

M: Once you have kids, your life is never your own again (complete with waif voice and huge sigh).

M: You may remember it that way (any family story or memory), but you’re wrong.

F: You’re too sensitive. You take everything so personally. (This is his absolute favorite thing to say to me).

Both: Well, life isn’t fair. (I agree, but this was said frequently when my basic emotional needs went unmet, and it was said dripping with sarcasm and with a sick, sideways smirk as if they enjoyed seeing my pain).

Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: 40andfab on July 22, 2018, 12:52:54 AM
How about "all of us parents think we are perfect, but one day there will be a reckoning, just wait" she said this to me anytime she felt I was judging her parenting.

Never thought I was perfect, still don't.

"you are sooooo sensitive" usually followed by an eyeroll

"you think your sh*t doesn't stink" anytime I felt a smidgen of joy or pride

"Just wait until I have something juicy on you" said in response to me calling out Narc sis on a lie








Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: 11JB68 on July 22, 2018, 12:27:15 PM
M: "Madame, ..." followed by some statement about how I had offended her, done something wrong, but more importantly a look and tone of voice that turned you into a pile of ashes.

M: "I hope you suffer when you have kids they way I suffer because of you." or "I hope your kids are as difficult/horrible as you are, then you'll know what I went through because of you."

M: "You are so cold, I pity your children/you should never have children." (me refusing to fulfill her latest need).

M: "If I was young again, I would never marry and have children but would live my life free of any burdens." (while at the same time insisting she loved me so much and expecting me to be her mascot, her dutiful daughter).

uOCPDF when showing him some thing I had made: "The next time you should do it this way ..." (= his way, the only perfect way), might not sound so bad, is incredibly corrosive as it says "you are not good enough" again and again and again.

F: "I cannot watch this." Grabbing whatever you were doing and finishing it, or leaving the room with, both statements suggesting - really stating - you are doing it wrong.

B or me: "What do you want for your birthday?"
F: "Peace and quiet."
This happened so many times that B and I gave him a nicely wrapped giant box, labeled "Peace & Quiet" one day.

F: "Don't disturb me!" or "What do you want from me now?" said with utter enervation and suffering, when wanting to show him something, talk to him, so I left and over time just didn't bother anymore, disturbed him only when absolutely necessary. Yeah, and I was considered F's favorite, apparently a relative term depending on where your scale starts.

A couple of things here really resonate for me.... First uPDm would always say something like that when asked what she wanted for a gift...peace and quiet. I wish any of us had had the guts to give her a box labeled that! It created an impossible situation where we couldn't possibly give her something she'd be happy with, so enF would go to extremes trying to get her a great gift. Also since I realized much later in life that SHE was the one creating the drama and chaos....she's the only one who could have given us ALL that gift! Also.... Your F reacting poorly when you sought his attention for something....leading you to stop asking. This is my uOCPDh with ds(now20)...and now H complains that ds doesn't talk to him, even when they are at home All day together....he's dad about it but clearly doesn't get it.
Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: saskia on July 22, 2018, 03:44:12 PM
Hello, I haven't posted on here in months but do lurk/read.  This post really stuck a chord with me and I will write more about my (possibly UBPD Hermit, UPPD or narcissistic mother) soon.  Sometimes I am overwhelmed by sifting through it all, doing all the 'emotional work' as another post so astutely stated that I don't know where to start.  Then I doubt myself and/or keep it all inside, possibly to maintain my own status quo.  Today (while admittedly suffering from PMT), I was assailed with a huge wave of feeling 'it's not fair'.  Ah well.  Onwards.  to start with, here are my phrases:

Childhood phrases

'It's your own fault'

'Wash that red face' (because I looked ugly when I cried and that was embarrassing to her)

'Nobody will like you if you're like that' (meaning if I talk/express/show emotion or intelligence)

'Stop going round in circles'

'I don't understand you, the way you are'  ('the way I am' was attributed to any behaviour or preference that was different from hers or that which she had assigned to me)

'Don't show them you're bothered' (if I was ever bullied or had an argument with a classmate)

'They're just phony friends'

Childhood up to now

'Women are always jealous'

'No need for it' (any behaviour involving joy/celebration/happiness/appreciation of life for its own sake)

'I'm just being realistic' (when being incredibly pessimistic - her default and almost only setting)

'Up in the clouds' (her interpretation of me or anyone else expressing joy)

'That's just excuses' (used often but most memorably a few years ago when I told her people had commented how much happier I was after I had made some well-needed changes in my personal life which she happened to disapprove of.  She sees happiness as not a real thing, just a made-up excuse that people use  :stars:)

And the most common word: 'nonsense', as in 'I don't want to hear your nonsense', 'They're just filling your head full of nonsense', 'I'm not interested in that nonsense', 'Get away with your nonsense'.  This word was applied to anything that did not match her extremely narrow world-view or me being in any way deep or emotional.

Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: all4peace on July 22, 2018, 05:27:46 PM
"I could brain you!!"--I looked this up in adulthood. It means literally beat the brains out of someone.
"Just wait til you have kids! Then you'll understand." Yep, but probably not like you thought.
"You want to cry?! I can give you something to cry about!"
"This hurts me more than it hurts you." As I was the one with welts and bruises, I highly doubt it. I bet it made them feel like actual adults simply "disciplining" their kids, though.
"Don't look at me like you're thinking [fill in blank with whatever f thought i was thinking at that moment, as apparently mind reading was considered possible]"
"Just wait until your father gets home!" Who wouldn't want to deliver beatings after a long day of work?
"I just want good children" when asked what she wanted for mother's day or her birthday. I really hated that one.
"I hope you have a kid like you" I did have her, I adore her, and it's a simultaneous source of amazement and grief to see what I might have looked like at her age without crippling parenting.
"If I didn't know better, I'd think you were adopted!" This became my wished-for fantasy.
"I probably would have divorced your dad if I hadn't gotten (accidentally) pregnant with you."
Ugh, I'd forgotten about being told to wash my red face after a long crying jag. That one, too.

In adulthood:
"I know I wasn't perfect"
"I'm sorry you didn't get the mother you wish you had." But not as sorry as I am.


I think the missing ones are just as hurtful. Here's what I never heard:
I like you
I love you
I adore you
You delight me
I am so thankful I get to have you for a daughter
I love xyz about you. You are so good at xyz.
Can you tell me what you're thinking? I love hearing how you see the world!
Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: truthseeker4life on July 23, 2018, 03:47:41 AM
Another few just remembered

"You like being sick, don't you?"
(She would say this to me as a child when she could see I liked the attention i received when I was sick. This was the only time I was given much attention.)

"I liked you better when you were having problems"
(she said this to me when I was feeling better after coming off a year of severe depression, anxiety and insomnia.)

"Your sister doesn't like you either." (Found out this was a lie - she said this when I was moving out.)

"It's your job to have a relationship with me."
Enough said!

"You're a tramp"
(said because I had a boyfriend who is now my husband)

"You're just like your father."
(said to me after my dad died because I gave her a dirty look after she was being verbally abusive. She was verbally abusive to my dad their whole marriage"
Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: Some One on July 24, 2018, 01:09:51 PM
Some memorable ones were rare but hit hard. From uBPDM "You're jealous of the good relationship your brother and I have". She neglected me emotionally and refused to protect me from B1. As for "good relationship" M went into rages and hit B when he was small and by the time he was a teen the tables had turned and he was hitting her instead. Really good relationship.

My mother said something similar to me once, but not in comparison to my brother in comparison to my enSIL.   She said, "You're just jealous of enSIL, because she feels more comfortable in this family than you do."  Jealous of what?  Jealous of being close to people who are only being nice to me to get a rise out of their daughter, all the while shit talking about me behind my back?  Nope, sorry mom, I would be devastated if I married into that.  This came up because we were talking about enSIL and my mother saw a perfect opportunity to throw a jab at me.  No one thought much of GCBro's decision to marry enSIL, MY MOTHER INCLUDED, but of course when I say something, it must be because I'm jealous...

Other noteworthy ones:
"Did I ever tell you what a disappointment it was to have a daughter like you?" 
"Your stepfather is depressed and you don't see him in therapy."
"I'm not the source of all your problems."
"Whatever problems you have with others lies within you."
"Your father doesn't love you."
"I didn't say that."  "If I said that I don't remember saying that, so I didn't say that." "Why do you keep drudging up the past?"  Or some variation.
"What kind of a daughter...what kind of a person...nobody loves me..."  Third person references.
"If it wasn't for me."
"I won't help you."  "Oh, I didn't say I wouldn't help you, I said I couldn't help you.  You just misunderstood me." 
"I know if I were you in that (hypothetical situation) I would have handled it much differently and since you didn't handle it in the (hypothetical) way I believe I would have you are an idiot/pathetic."

Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: Moxie890 on July 24, 2018, 06:01:49 PM


I think the missing ones are just as hurtful. Here's what I never heard:
I like you
I love you
I adore you
You delight me
I am so thankful I get to have you for a daughter
I love xyz about you. You are so good at xyz.
Can you tell me what you're thinking? I love hearing how you see the world!

I was always so confused. I was told many of these phrases that were good and I wanted to hear, but then the switch would flip and I would be told abusive hurtful things.

I regularly got "I brought you in to this world, so I can take you out"
When mom was mad she would yell an inch from my face and spit all over me. If I looked mad she would say "just look at your face, your mouth looks like an asshole" (because I would purse my lips).
Like was previously posted, I also got " you think your shit doesn't stick" and "you're not all that"
She would also say "I don't care how old you are, I will still whip your ass" and she did... I was 19 the last time she slapped me.
It's not exactly a phrase, but she would regularly mock me behind my back while I was talking, doing things like mouthing blah blah blah and using her hand like a puppet. I know because I saw her in mirrors several times.
I was also told regularly that I was a tender soul, but with a look of pity in reference to being "too sensitive".
She would also say "I am going to disappear someday and you will all see me on the nightly news because I killed someone" insinuating that we (me, my sis and dad) were driving her crazy. She said it like a joke, but as a young kid in an unstable household, I was afraid she really was going to leave us
Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: elly87 on July 24, 2018, 06:24:48 PM
My uBPDmom would often tell me, dripping with sarcasm, "I hope you have a kid like you."  I did, and I loved it and she knew it.

My NPD father always said the same thing. then he would laugh his maniacal laugh, slap his knee and look at my enM and say 'can you imagine? then shes (me) gonna know! she will know all the suffering she caused us! I cant WAIT to see that!'.

I have an amazing daughter who even surpasses me already at her young age in curiosity, questioning, independence, uniqueness. she does her own thing and cannot be forced into a box. She is the light of my life and we are as close as a mother and daughter could be. now he tries to groom her while scapegoating my son. needless to say, we have vlc. My daughter will not be tormented by an NPD person. She has me to protect her!
Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: coweringRecluse on July 24, 2018, 06:40:44 PM
I heard these two:
Quote
"Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about"

"Children should be seen and not heard"

I also heard this a lot:
Quote
"I brought you in to this world, so I can take you out"

What I would add is:
Quote
"You are just too sensitive."

"When I say $#!+, all you say is: Where, How Much & What Color"

"but we love you"

That last one was only uttered by uBPDm.  My F never told me he loved me.  He couldn't even be tricked into saying it in uncomfortable social situations or to end a phone call.  I guess that made him the more honest of the two.  I also think that is why uBPDm said we, meaning her and F, because he wouldn't.  Of course what she meant by love is that what she does is right and I should shut up and take it instead of being such a pain.  I don't think PDs know what love is and that is what many of us, their children, find so devastating.
Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: elly87 on July 25, 2018, 02:56:08 PM
oh man we grew up with some awful phrases that my narc parents were very proud to use. Im nervous to even type some for fear they may offend anyone on here. My parents are deeply disturbed so please keep that in mind...also extremely hateful racists.
'you will shine that floor like a n*%%#@'s eye'
looking up at the sky theatrically 'lord, why hast thou smotent me with this child?'
'God help you if you don't {insert cleaning task here}'
' when your father gets home hes gonna beat the living crap out of you'
' I cannot WAIT for you to have kids. then you are going to know what suffering is'
'you should thank your lucky stars you have parents who care enough about your report card to smack you when its below an A'
' any n*&&$% can get an 87! why was it not a 90?!' (90 was the cutoff and the lowest acceptable grade)
Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: Fiasco on July 26, 2018, 04:47:44 AM
One I heard a lot, with regards to my adoption, was "I would have taken you even if you were PURPLE!!" Supposedly this showed how non judgemental BPDm was, but really it just showed how desperate she was to get a baby, and how disinterested she was in the actual child.
Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: Some One on July 26, 2018, 11:05:57 AM
oh man we grew up with some awful phrases that my narc parents were very proud to use. Im nervous to even type some for fear they may offend anyone on here. My parents are deeply disturbed so please keep that in mind...also extremely hateful racists.

My whole family is racist.  In particular, my mother, grandfather (her father) and enStepfather.  I would never repeat here some of the crap my grandfather and enStepfather would say.

The best boyfriend I ever had was Jewish.  Treated me better than anyone ever did and stood by me all during my 20's when my mother was at her worst.  His family was incredibly kind and accepting to me; although, the relationship didn't last after about 4 years.  When I broke up with him she told me to "Never do that again! Stick to the Italians and the Irish."  haha.  It was so ridiculous, particularly because my family knows next to nothing about our almost 90% Italian heritage other than to celebrate the 7 fishes.

GCBro married out of his race.  I don't believe he's gotten the "Stick to your own kind" talk from our mother.  Perhaps that's reserved post divorce.
Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: 11JB68 on July 26, 2018, 02:48:49 PM
One...your comment:"GCBro married out of his race.  I don't believe he's gotten the "Stick to your own kind" talk from our mother.  Perhaps that's reserved post divorce. "  I have found with all of the pds in my life that their 'rules' are completely arbitrary. The 'rule' is not truly a rule...out totally depends on the circumstance and whether or not it supports their need at the moment.
Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: Rosey_apple on July 27, 2018, 03:33:57 AM
Hello Everyone, Hello KD5FUL,

I can identify with many of the PD phrases written in this post.

KD5FUL - this post came at a good time since lately I have been feeling a bit FOGGY.  But your post and those of the members’ replies have reminded me why I don’t interact with my M and hr GC at present.

As well as remembering all the phrases written here - most of them I heard from my M.  But there were more that I would like to share with you and ask you, did your PD parent say these things to you?  Warning — this is R rated for violence. 

My M repeatedly said these “death wish” phrases to me.  Is it any wonder I have a knife phobia and suffer with anxiety and a spontaneous panic disorder and I am in my late 60s.  A lifetime of this crap.  The reasons why I had so many nightmares when I was a child, and why I always felt “bad” and worthless.

M would say to me

“I wish you had never been born”.
“I should have drowned you at birth.”
“I should have called you “moan-a”.” (Mona)

Whilst swinging a knife in my face and in an explosive and out of control rage she would scream.
She would suddenly swing into these drama filled, red hot rages without provocation and of course no witnesses. :aaauuugh:

“I could murder you right now.”  :evil2:
“I could cut your head off.” :evil2:
“I could run this knife right through you.”  :evil2:
“You’re not worthy of breath.” :evil2:
“I could spit in your eye.”

As a little girl I used to think she could do this.  She didn’t want me from birth and now that I was a 10year old child, she wanted to kill me.  I remember laying awake in bed at night, wondering if I would survive the night.

Is it any wonder I have been scared of her all my life.  And for a lot of it thought I was worthless and not worthy of breath.

Well, she has murdered me emotionally and cut me to my soul.  She has nothing to do with me.  Silent Treatment for no reason for nearly 4 years now.  Isolated, abandoned, killed off.  And my crime - being born at all, worse still, first born and being born a girl and my F loved me to bits.  She hated that.  However I don’t recall being so naughty or difficult that I would insight such hatred in my M.

Thanks to all of you, today I have recalled all this nastiness and am no longer foggy, however, I do feel anxious as I suffer a sever twisting of my throat muscles.

Did they all go to “Horrible Mummy school”?   :stars:  It appears so since we all here have recollections of these terrible phrases spat at us.  I’m sorry these nasty phrases were said to y ou all.  I’m not sure she would get away with saying these things to a child these days, since children are able to reach out to help organisations.  I would have reported her if I knew how.

She scared me with phrases like

“I can read you like a book.”
“I know what you are thinking.”
“You have a vivid imagination.”

Regards. Rosey_apple  :)
Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: practical on July 27, 2018, 10:23:10 AM
One of the really common ones was from F "Your B is just like your mother that's why they get along/fight" (yeah, this was adaptable to whatever the situation  :roll: ) and vice versa from M for me "You are just like your father", both parents considering this as the ultimate insult, while all it really did was speak about how screwed up their marriage was.

I think the missing ones are just as hurtful. Here's what I never heard:
I like you
I love you
I adore you
You delight me
I am so thankful I get to have you for a daughter
I love xyz about you. You are so good at xyz.
Can you tell me what you're thinking? I love hearing how you see the world!
This is so true, thank you! I heard "I love you so much" from M, unfortunately it came with FOG inducing additions "I cannot live without you/you are my sunshine/you are all I have" putting me in the position of parentified child. And there was "you are so good at cooking and baking" often followed with "you have to cater for my party" when what I really should have done was study for exams, be out with friends, instead of being enmeshed with M.
Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: practical on July 27, 2018, 01:25:31 PM
There are also the more subtle ones that slowly eat away at you because they indicate something is wrong with you, you aren't good enough, and make you feel unseen:
"I couldn't work like this, I have to leave the room."
"Well, that is okay the way you did it, BUT the next time you have to do it this way ... (F's way)." "But" is a great word to pull the rug out under you, to negate what was said before.
"Well, now you have to win the Noble prize so I can travel to Stockholm." (M when I graduated.)
Your parent saying "I'm proud of what I have accomplished." when it was really you.

Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: Danie on July 27, 2018, 04:02:02 PM
"They're just jealous".
She thought everyone was jealous of her. She thought she was the most beautiful woman that ever lived. I think she thought she was Marilyn Monroe.
Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: elly87 on July 27, 2018, 06:43:36 PM
"They're just jealous".
She thought everyone was jealous of her. She thought she was the most beautiful woman that ever lived. I think she thought she was Marilyn Monroe.

reading this definitely created an aha moment for me. My narc M always said this! She frequently had fights with other women in the neighborhood since she felt she should be included and invited to everything and when she wasnt, she would say some version of this. 'they are just jealous' or 'she wishes she had my life!' to this day, my mother has a problem with the woman next door who happens to be very beautiful, happily married, and has 3 adult children who, unlike my mother's children, want to have something to do with her. My mother literally sneers when she is outside at the same time as her neighbor and mutters hateful things under her breath when in earshot. My mother is approaching 60. I don't think she will ever change this.
Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: Absent Minded Artist on July 28, 2018, 12:18:10 AM
Yes yes and yes.

So glad I'm not alone!!!
Title: Re: Pd parent phrases
Post by: logistics on July 28, 2018, 02:01:43 AM
My father stated all of those to me as a child.  Once when he had a touching drunk moment he stated, "I never raised a child before make a list of how you want to be treated".  I eagerly made a list of how I wanted to be treated. The next day when I presented him with it "He stated what the h*** is this! Get it out of my face."  Any hope of a relationship was dashed that day.  Never been close to him since.

My father also made a bet with a friend who had much younger children which family would have grandchildren first. The first grandchild would loose the bet.