Previous "batsh*ts" are here:
The Bat Sh*t Crazy Stuff They Do
http://outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=26617.0
Bat Sh&t 2....The sequel...........
http://outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=26899.0
BS 3
http://outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=27150.0
Bat Sh#t 4
http://outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=29380.0
Batsh^t 5
http://outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=30977.0
Bats*it 6..... The Sh#t never stops........ http://outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=37640.0
http://outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=34306.0
Batsh#t 7....What Color is the Sky in Their World.........
http://outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=35656.0
Bat Sh#t 8....Consistent Inconsistencies..........
http://outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=37640.0
Bat Sh#t 9.....The Fun NEVER Ends...........
http://outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=40079.0
Batsh#t 10
http://outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=43124.0
Batsh#t 11....Do Bats Have Knees.....
http://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=48397.0
Batsh#t 12...If a PD Falls in the Forest...Do You Get Blamed........
http://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=52264.0
Batsh#t 13......... How many PD's does it take to change a light bulb.....
http://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=54023.0
Batsh#t 14......... " I'm not PD!"..... and other famous last words.......
http://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=57863.0
Batsh#t 15...... Walking on Eggshells Through a Minefield..........
http://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=59283.0
Batsh#t 16......... Tis' the Season for Dysregulation fa la la la...............
http://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=60148.0
Batsh#t 17......... 2017....The Year the NON's will Rise.....
http://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=61050.0
Batsh#t 18..... Come again, Say what?......
http://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=62100.0;topicseen
Batsh#t 19.... The sh#t never ends
http://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=72242.0
Batsh#t 20.... "Nothing's wrong with me"....
//www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=75748.0
How is this for a pattern.....
PD: I don't want a relationship with you. You are not the right person for me. I need to leave you!
Me: Do you realize that you have said/written this same thing to me, on this same date for the last 3 years? Here look.
PD: So...what does that have to do with anything?
:stars:
PD: 5pm, Saturday, I don't want a relationship with you, you disgust me! 8pm...baby, I need you to pick me up on Wednesday after I drop off my car at the mechanics. Tis the season :aaauuugh:
To add to the above... she will be paying out about $1200 for a cooling system repair and rental car that she really can't afford. I could install it and take her to work, etc., for the cost of parts to her of around $400. Her PD reasoning..."then I would have to do something for you".
I usually make a big batch of homemade sushi once a year. I'm the only person in my house that eats it right now so it's a little too much to have regularly. My upd mom does not eat or make sushi.
Just last week...
upd mom: you don't make sushi anymore. (Statement not a question)
Me: what are you talking about? I just made sushi this past June.
upd mom: REALLY? But you don't eat it anymore.
Me: yes i do. I've always made it once a year.
upd mom: not anymore.
Me: ... JJJuuuunnnnneeee.....
upd mom: ....you made it in June? How come I don't remember!
Me: ... cause you don't eat sushi....and you don't live here.
upd mom: ....(glares and crosses her arms at me) well how come you don't make sushi anymore?
Me: ... I don't feel like it right now...
Then she walked away as if nothing happened.... :roll:
UPDh, while telling me about his day: "I'm so smart!"
PDm: "Your shoe laces are too long. I will be worried about them so you have to correct it now."
I ignore it, because well, my shoe laces, my business (and they are tied)
PDm: "You have to tie your shoe laces better now, or I will start crying."
Add in some leg stomping and cutesy pretending to be a little kid facical expressions, and cue in the tantrum...
So common, you can set a watch by it, the weekly...
PD: You need to change your behaviors, yada, yada yada.
Me: What would you like me to change, yada, yada, yada.
PD: You know, blank and blank, "THE ONES THAT HAPPEN ONLY WHEN YOU ARE AROUND ME"!
Swing and miss for me! Haven't seen the change up in a couple of years.
Fondly thinking back over the years this constantly repeated gem popped into my head....
PD: If we would ever get together to live/marry, I would need full disclosure of all of your finaces. Assets, liabilities and income.
The reson.... last night, out of the blue....
PD: I could care less how much money you make and have!
Of course this change is most likely due to me picking up several new clients/accounts that she knows are $$$.
Updh: I have enough friends, I don't need another friend....well, I really have no friends, but I don't need another friend!
PD: If you keep on saving all of my raging texts I send you, how do you ever expect our relationship to survive?
Oh how they like to create drama and try to ruin the mood for a party or holiday celebration
We had an open house style party to attend this weekend. It was a 3-7 deal with heavy hor d'oeuvre, salads, snacks, credited, drinks, basically a full dinner meal, but the host does not have room to see a crowd. Drop in when you wish and stay as long as you like. In describing the event to pdh, I had explained that there was no set arrival time.
It was lunch time, lunch was a bit late, 1:30ish. PdH announces we would not have a chance in he'll of getting to the party on time because he was going to do the dishes. They could not wait, so I better deal with not getting there on time.
We were eating soup. I had already cleaned the knives and cutting board and put the pot in the fridge with leftovers in it.
I just laughed and said well of you don't think you can wash 4bowls and four spoons in 2hours, I suppose the kids and I can split it up and each was a bit in a different sink, or take it to the dishwasher downstairs.
:roll:
PD: Your (imaginary) behavior ruined our relationship, but it doesn't bother me anymore. 2 hours later, your behavior..... 2 hours later.... 36 hours straight, every 2 hours on the dot like a pd cuckoo clock. Ended with, " I hate Chritmas"! Noooooooo, not you?
Wife - I wish you'd stop shouting at the kids, it doesn't work.
Me - why do you always shout at them then?
Wife - I don't shout, I raise my voice :roll:
PD: You're so secretive, you never tell me anything!
Me: Btw, tried to call you Thursday, but went straight to voice mail?
PD: I have you blocked, I only unblock you when I want to talk to you.
Quote from: bruceli on December 18, 2018, 09:17:26 AM
PD: You're so secretive, you never tell me anything!
Me: Btw, tried to call you Thursday, but went straight to voice mail?
PD: I have you blocked, I only unblock you when I want to talk to you.
;D
Questions the meaning of a word I used, saying I misused it.
I say I think it's three right usage.
Ds agrees.
I Google it...2 meanings, 2nd was mine.
Ds leaves room.
Updh: he needs a haircut.
:doh:
Quote from: bruceli on December 16, 2018, 10:08:02 PM
PD: If you keep on saving all of my raging texts I send you, how do you ever expect our relationship to survive?
:yeahthat:
PD: All the men in my life end up f'in me over! You're all the same!
Me: So, other then the outcome of the relationship, what other traits or behaviors do we share?
PD: Oh, you guys are nothing alike.
Me: So the only commonality we share is the hurt at the end?
PD: (long pause) Yes, but don't go blaming me and my bpd on this!
Another thread reminded me of one thanksgiving dinner when I was about 16 yo.
Me, upd mom, bro2 (the youngest sibling), and bro2's dad all lived together. Bro2's dad made thanksgiving dinner with all the fixings. He set up the table and let us know it was ready.
Me, bro2 and upd mom had been watching tv in the next room. Upd mom led the way to the table. She stood beside it, looked blankly at the food, grabbed the table edge and flipped the whole thing onto the floor!
She started screaming about how not everyone has something to be thankful for! She grabbed whatever food was on the counter (small table) and threw it onto the floor!
Me and bro2 (7 at the time) turned right and ran up the stairs to my room to hide out until she calmed down. Bro2's dad left to get drunk somewhere else. Upd mom then drank until she passed out, crying about how we ruined thanksgiving.
When it was quiet, we came downstairs to scavange for any leftovers that may have survived, and to clean up the mess. Only mashed potatoes for thanksgiving dinner that year.
It made me aware of how close to a celebration the PDs in my life can get to, before attempting to destroy it.
In my "caretaking' years before coming Out of the FOG, i would buy my uPDw a luxury item (purse or jewelry) every year or so, but she kept raising the gifting bar each time to a more expensive desired item.
November 1: After having recently gone through a 'healing separation' (i did an approx 60 day separation, living in our second home but now back in our main home) from my uPDw, she strongly hints to me that she would like a $1800 Loius Vuitton purse from me for her late Nov birthday. I told her i would not be gifting any more luxury items, as it causes issues between us and i would prefer to gift more humbly. She was angry for days and gave me the silent treatment.
Dec 1: After being humbly gifted for her birthday ;-), she questioned me on why i wont buy her Louis Vuitton purses any longer (she has about 10) and i simply repeated my previous answer in medium chill. Silent treatment to follow.
December 20: tells me she would like a Louis Vuitton purse for her Christmas gift. Medium chill.
December 26th: i planned an after-Christmas 2 hr drive for dinner and see some spectacular Christmas lights. After dinner/lights, she asks me why i didnt buy her a Louis Vuitton purse for Christmas. I repeated my previous answer in medium chill. 2 hr ride home in silence followed by her silent cold back to me in bed.
December 27th: I go to sleep at regular time. She wakes me up and asks why i didnt initiate 'intimacy'...i told her i dont desire intimacy with angry people who dish out silent treatment, but im also not a refusing husband so if she desired i pleasure her, i would provide. She coldly rolled over and gave me her back once again . I rolled her back over and proceeded forward with sex. After sex, in which she participated, i was lying in bed and falling asleep. She leaned over, tapped me on the shoulder and whispered in my ear "you know i really do care about you more than Louis Viutton purses".....
Isnt it just heartwarming to know that your loved just a little bit more than handbag. Happy New Year my Out of the FOG friends!
SoT
DH on trying to initiate circular conversation day after day: "Doesn't my constantly asking you to explain this to me show that I AM respecting your boundary?"
:stars:
PD: Of course you're confused, you're always confused, it's because I've changed so much!
Reality is of course the 180 degree opposite. Same dysregulation, same day, same texts and behaviors exactly one year ago today! Creepy or what?
"I'm not going to serve food"
Appetizers, To our guests, on nye, while I go out to pick up dinner...
Yet one more task that is below him, or a woman's job (same thing)
:stars:
Pd:Are you leaving to purchase a cell phone for me?
Me: No, I'm leaving to pick up son. (Of coarse spouse could do neither of these)
Pd: Can you get a cell phone tomarrow?
Me: I work tomorrow probably 12 hours.
Pd:Could you go before work? The g**** are probably there that early.
Me: 530am, probably not.
PD: Why would you need to write things down? I'll tell you if you did it or not?
PD: (Randomly, out of the blue) You're a f'ing liar and cheater! I found a picture of you and another woman online! Before you say anything I know it was 3 years ago and we were broken up, and I did it, and at that time, I wasn't talking to you, but can you even begin to imagine how hurt I was when I found that picture? Like I say, you're a f'ing Narcissist and you have absolutely no feelings!
Me-"is there anything you'd like to do today?"
Bpdw "no, nothing comes to mind"
I go about my business all day - housework, hobbies and such
Bpdw comes to bedroom - I say I'm going to have a bath to which she replies "go ahead, avoid me some more! You can take your rings off while you're at it and sleep in the other room!"
Okaaaaay! Rings stayed on... I slept in the spare room. 🙄
Me: You never notice all I do.
PD: Yes, I do. Why were you so busy?
Me: I took down the Christmas tree, decorations, rearranged some furniture and dragged the tree to the burner.
PD: The tree is down?
(It was down for two days.)
PD: While it doesn't matter the lights were never turned on.
Daughter, overhearing our conversation(oops):Yes, they were always on.
Updh: can we watch a show?
Me: it's late
Pd: aaaaggggggghhhhh
Me:what was that?
Pd: I'm frustrated. Anyway its Friday
Me: it's Thursday
Pd: well tomorrow's Friday
:stars:
Besides, both ds and I have to get up early to go to workon BOTH Friday and Saturday, so what is his point?
exBPDw: Now I can think about what it is like to see things from someone else's point of view. I am able to think about what it is like to be in someone else's shoes.
me: You are learning empathy.
exBPDw: No I'm not. That not what that means.
PD: What's wrong with you, I'm done! You need to block me! Stop answering your phone!
Me: Stop calling.
PD: What is wrong with you, what don't you get, I'm done! Block me and stop answering your phone!
PD: YOU JUST DON'T GET IT! The reason I had to cancel tonight is that I'm already drunk and I can't get dressed. :doh: :stars:
PD: I don't think I have bpd because it doesn't interfere with my work (45 jobs in 20 years). I only happens around/because of you.
bruceli - my stbx also points to work as proof he's not mentally ill, therefore I'm the problem. He's in control of his sector at work, so he's actually been there a while. He writes letters to anyone who will read them that state "I run a multi-billion dollar company, how can someone who's mentally ill do that?" In actuality, he runs his sector of said company and the only reason he does well is because he is in complete control and there are no emotions involved - only facts.
UPDw: I want you, SoT, to work with me on a large 6 month project that is of interest to me and use our money and your time to achieve it.
SoT: I'm not interested in this project, nor in giving up my own time for this large project at this time, but you are free to spend our money and do the project yourself, which you are fully capable of doing alone.
UPDw: Anger and silent treatment throughout the 6 months of doing the project successfully alone.
SIX MONTHS LATER:
SoT: I am starting a new project that I am interested in, will use my own money on, do not need uPDw's help with and doesn't affect UPDw in any way, but I wanted, in friendship, to tell uPDw about my project.
UPDw: "I am not interested in your project at all and in fact, don't want SoT to do the project because SoT should use all his available time to spend with me!!!
SoT: "I did not ask you to join me on the project, spend any of your/our money or time on the project and showed you how my project will not affect you or us in any way, and yet you are angry. Why?
UPDw: "because I'm bitter and angry with you about my project which you were not interested in giving your time and money for!!!"
PD HYPOCRISY....
UOCPDH: everyone should just listen to me and do what I say!!
UOCPDH: (preparing for meeting with client He is fighting with and ready to discard, which will take place at h's home office) I'm keeping the air horn by my computer, if he says something stupid I'll honk it. Do we have a spray bottle?
Me: no. And you're not going to spray him.
UOCPDH: you're not telling me what to do, and Yes, I'm going to humiliate him. Do we have a spray bottle?
Me:no.
:unsure:
PD: You need to change X behavior!
PD: I've been noticing that you have changed X behavior, I don't trust you, you must have done something and are now trying to cover up for it with the changed behavior.
UPDw: "SoT, when we travel together, you need to come up with some entertaining things to do that involve being around other people, because you know I like being social. I know you enjoy quieter things that are around nature".
SoT: "all you want to do is shop".
UPDw: " that's not true, come up with something fun".
SoT: (night upon checking into hotel in a bustling city) "UPDw, lets go out to the bustling street and get a beer and a slice of pizza and mingle with the local crowd"!
UPDw (upon getting to the sports bar) "SoT, my anxiety is through the roof because of the crowd and noise. I need to go back to the hotel room".
NEXT DAY:
UPDw "SoT, lets go to the large downtown mall today!
SoT: "but I thought that large crowds and noise raised your anxiety like it did last night??"
UPDw: "that was just the busy street and bar crowd...crowded and noisy malls don't bother me".
Sooooo, something she likes to do, (shopping) = OK???????
PD: (8 am) I understand that it is important to spend more time together so we can move forward with our relationship. How about I take you out to dinner tonight?
Me: (Knowing historically how this usually ends up) Ok, I'll text later to touch base.
Me: (5pm text) We still on for tonight?
PD: I'll pass, not interested!
Quote from: coyote on January 28, 2019, 10:44:35 AM
Sooooo, something she likes to do, (shopping) = OK???????
:like: :stars:
PD: I want to be your everything.
Me: Ok? How about we start with changing one behavior?
PD: You're being asinine.
Pd:.We need to do whatever it takes to fix this relationship.
Me: How about this.
Pd: I'm not doing that.
The next adventure with uPD mom....
I assume she's still upset about me kicking her out of my house yesterday for behaving badly again, because now, "RIGHT NOW!" she wants to change pharmacies. Today at 1pm she calls from my sis's house...
uPD mom: can you give me the number to ______ pharmacy? (her pharmacy's name)
Me: why don't you call the number on your med bottle?
uPD mom: I don't want to call mine! I want to change to another one! And sis (my sister) doesn't have a phone book!
I look it up in my old phone book, cause it's easy to do.
Me: there are at least 20 different numbers here under _____ pharmacy, ______ drugs, and ______ drugstore. Which numbers do you want?
uPD mom: WHAT!? That's all there is!? THREE!?
Me: no.
uPD mom: then get me all the pharmacy numbers!
Me: IN THE CITY? (We live in the capital city of our province)
uPD mom: yeah!
Me: no! That's hundreds of pharmacies! I'm not looking them up for you. You're gonna have to do it yourself.
uPD mom: (angrily) GEE THANKS!!! (Slams phone down)
She calls again at 1:30pm.
uPD mom: can you give me ______'s number? (Major grocery store chain that has pharmacies in it)
Me: which one?
uPD mom: ________ centre. (Near my location and does not have the grocery store she originally asked for)
Me: do you mean ________ drugstore? (My pharmacy basically)
UPD mom: yeah!
I give her the number. She calls back again at 2:30 pm.
uPD mom: can you do a 3-way call for me?
Me: no. (I get charged an extra fee for that)
uPD mom: BUT THEY WON'T PICK UP FOR ME!!!! Can you call them for me then!!!
Me: no. Goodbye.
She slams the phone down again. :tongue2:
PD: I need a bigger place.
Me: Did you apply for that other (higher paying) job?
PD: Why do always have to make me angry?
Literally was berated this evening for 10 minutes because I neglected to make sure a grown man has the "right" kind of popsicles. Even though he doesn't know how to tell the difference.
Grown man can not find his house keys. Actually took him a week to inquire about his lost keys. He only inquired when he found himself locked out of the house.
"What you have to do is shut the f*** up (talking about another issue before I even knew he lost keys) and look for my keys."
Keys were in the wash. Now I have to inspect his pockets.
Oh, logistics...the way their mistake turns into yet another job for us...
:sadno:
I was amused by this exchanged with my uPD mom.
She was eating bread in the middle of the kitchen while visiting, and I was making my kids lunch and preparing meals for school tomorrow. (basically, she was in the way) and I just moved quickly around her without stopping or making any errors. This surprised and excited her.
uPD mom: (excitedly) You'd be good in the kitchen!
Me: I am.
uPD mom: No, you'd be a good cook!
Me: I'm that too.
uPD mom: No, I mean you'd make a good cook in the kitchen!
Me: I do.
uPD mom: No, in a restaurant!
Me: I do.
uPD mom: I mean, you'd be a good cook in a restaurant!
Me: I know. I am. I've worked in smaller spaces with more people during rush times at restaurants.
uPD mom: You'd make it in a restaurant!
Me: I already did.
Then she let it go. It was like she discovered a new skill set of mine and was trying to convince me that her discovery was the best thing ever!
This exchange was funny because my mom knows I've worked at restaurants before, and was completely ignoring my 20 year work history! :doh:
Seems like she was trying g to start something or go somewhere your assertiveness did not allow.
Like maybe she was implying you should be working in a kitchen if you aren't currently or implying it is all you are good at or something g underhanded that starts with recognizing you in a kitchen
Throughout my adult life my uPD mom never acknowledged my cooking skills (I built up my own skills without her help), just kept telling me how she and my sister (the GC) were great cooks and I should always go to them for help. (neither are particularly good cooks, nor have worked in the food industry)
I just figured that this was a trait my uPD mom liked about me and was claiming it for herself and my sister while trying to imply to others and myself that I couldn't cook anything without help.
The previous post was more like a moment of clarity. Like she was actually seeing me as myself, for the first time. And trying to figure out how to use that... :roll:
It was funny though, she was telling me things about myself that I've (literally) known for years!
I've got a gem to share... for background I just had a baby recently and uBPDM hasn't been out to visit yet.
Mom: Do you only breastfeed?
Me: Yeah
Mom: Oh I can't wait to see that!
Me: :stars: Not much to see, just a blanket...
Mom: Oh your one of those women
Me: uh huh
Mom: But I'm your mom!
Me: Yeah, but it's my boob!
:aaauuugh: Holy inappropriateness, batman!
Wow. Reading these and some of the other batshit threads reminds me of a relationship I was in about 30 years ago with a guy who gaslit, isolated, lied, justified and denied every step of the way. Initially came across as very attentive, charming and intelligent and he decided he liked me. Not having been brought up with much in the way of self esteem, I felt thankful (!) and our relationship began.
Despite his initial favourable presentation, it soon transpired that he was 'between jobs,' was apparently an as yet undiscovered and tortured artist and that I would simply have to support him while he became the next Van Gogh (yes, really).
He moved in very quickly, of course, and used my car to drive to art classes in another town, did not work or contribute and did no housework and complained when I got home from one of my jobs. I was also studying, so I had my hands full. He also tried to alienate my friends. He smoked massive amounts of pot and cigarettes while constantly complaining about his asthma. He also had eczema and would scratch incessantly at night, which of course I had empathy for, but when I tried to go to another room so I could get some sleep he would throw a fit and say I didn't love him. So I would stupidly lay there for hours staring into the darkness wondering what I'd done to deserve this.
Just a few of his comments:
"It's better for you to be the one who works, rather than me, because you're from peasant stock. I am from Bohemian aristocracy" (pretty sure he wasn't).
"Don't you know everyone round here hates you? I'm probably the only person who could put up with you." Said within a few days of moving in with me.
"I'm one of the most fashionable guys in [very large capital city] but it pisses me off that everyone keeps trying to copy my look."
After standing motionless against a wall for some minutes while staring at me menacingly, and me laughing and asking if he was all right, "I'll have you know I've convinced a lot of people that I really am a vampire."
"People often think I look like Daniel Day Lewis." (Ah, just no.)
After finally leaving my house after I kicked him out, after having threatened to kill me and my dogs and him saying that he was extremely patient for putting up with me and not having punched me multiple times, he then turned up the following week having walked from a nearby town, to hectically inform me that "Wuthering Heights is real." (Yeah, I don't know either. Fancied himself as Heathcliffian/Byronic type though.) I got in my car with my dogs and drove off and left him to walk right back from whence he came.
He then went on to his next victims with a sob story about how I didn't appreciate him and had booted him out. Some highly intelligent women who should've known better were happy to believe his spiel. Whatever.
I could go on. And on. And on. But you get the picture.
Sadly, he ended up overdosing about 20 years ago so he's been gone a long time now. I hadn't seen him for some years prior to that. I hadn't thought of him in quite a while but reading some of these posts brought it all back. They were without doubt the three worst years of my life (and I say this as someone who had a pretty crap childhood and adolescence with my FOO) and at least 2.5 of those years were spent with me actively trying to get him out of my life. But he wouldn't leave because "who else [but himself] would put up" with me?
However, I'm very grateful that I feel I've come some distance since those days . I like myself more and put up with far less crap. So it just goes to show that we can heal if we make the tough decisions and seek help for ourselves and keep working at it.
Good luck to everyone.
I guess I also wanted to add that I often felt during that relationship that I was being hit over the head with some kind of lesson. It felt as if I was being taught something I really needed to learn, somehow. It's true that all the batshit stuff certainly helped me learn to be determined not to put up with it again in any subsequent relationship. I learned that for sure. Not that I recommend these types of lessons. But I chose to take that from it, I guess.
Dog lady
Back calm and about you needing to suffer it to learn something I swear to God that's what happened to me.
It's like it took 10 years of going through something so painful and dramatic that it was transformative and actually whacked me over the head with the insight I needed to see about my own upbringing so I could permanently change it.
And sad and angry as I am, i allowed my ex husband to treat me the way he did.
I almost want to say thank you for being a bastard to him, because without it, i never would have figured out what my problem is.
Hey Spygirl
You put it so well. That is exactly it! In a strange way, I felt kind of like thanking my ex too. Not for the pain, the constant accusations the belittling etc etc but for the lessons I ultimately was able to take out of all of it.
Amazing what life can throw up at us isn't it? Not that I'm a sucker for punishment but it's goid to know it wasn't all for nought I guess.
Doglady
After over a year on this site, i can say my problems are well on the way to being resolved. Shame it took half my life to figure it out.
Hey Spygirl
That's wonderful to hear that your problems are nearly resolved. There is so much support on this site. (I mainly lurk but have posted a few things. Just reading others' stories and strategies is so validating.)
When you say it's a shame it took half your life, I definitely hear you on that and I also think, isn't it great though that it didn't take your whole life? Sounds like you've got a great second half to look forward to with lots of wisdom gained. Best to you.
Here's a good example of black and white thinking:
BPD: Everyone at my new job is great. My co-workers go out of their way to sit with me and explain how to do x. They are spending so much time with me teaching me the ropes. I am so grateful.
A month later...
BPD: My supervisor is an @sshole. She expects me to do x. No one showed me how to do that. No one is taking the time to train me. They cannot expect me to know how to do x! I emailed my supervisor to let her know how terrible she and everyone there is.
Believe it or not, PD looses job after said email...
My husband was in one room while I was in another, and all of a sudden my husband stood up and ran, like actually ran to the room I was in to see what I was doing. ;D
For background, we have recently had a baby and she hasn't met him yet.
uBPDM: I can't wait to fly out and meet the baby!
(insert part where I tell her she can't kiss him because she has a communicable virus that is known for killing babies)
uBPDM: I will wait until summer or later to visit. I will feel better about it.
^ Note excessive use of "I" Also when she said this in my head I was saying "Yeah you still ain't smooching on him."
UPDh feeling the urge to release his "valves" comes to room when I was doing the ironing. Mind you, it´s hot enough: iron, outside temperature and then him...
Him: You remained pregnant with our daughter without letting me know for the whole month!
(it was 23 years ago!)
Me: Yes, when I didn´t get my period. Could I do it earlier?
Him: How come you got pregnant when we used protection!
Me: Let me remind you, we agreed upon not using any kind of birth control.
Him: You got pregnant because you wanted to throw my mother out of the house to get a room for our D.
Me: Your mother moved to our house without me telling a word. She herself wanted to move out later. Besides, we made the attic
into rooms.
Him: Well, I was just assuming.
Me: (furious)
* He´s lucky for not getting the hot iron onto his head!
Wow, 23 years later and he's still dredging things up to get riled up about! That's crazy all right.
And making his own wild construct.
:stars:
Quote from: Cascade on June 08, 2019, 03:11:48 PM
Wow, 23 years later and he's still dredging things up to get riled up about! That's crazy all right.
Wow, my uPD husband dredged up something I did 9 years ago to use against me. I thought that was bad enough but I see he is a mere amateur compared to 23 years old stuff. :roll:
It seems I got the winner...
My husband is trying to lose weight, so he skipped supper. ::) I knew where this would lead and sure enough, an hour later he is eating a big amount of something unhealthy.
Quote from: Empie2204 on June 10, 2019, 02:05:36 PM
It seems I got the winner...
Yes, but I may be the runner up! UPDh came into my home office this evening, where I was still working, upset that I haven't been showing him enough affection lately. (I've been living in MC. I'm "unloving and cold," and he's unhinged over it.) He then proceeded to bring up something I said back in 1999, and also something my now-deceased dad supposedly said about my mom in 2001, to go along with his point—about me not kissing him this morning. :stars:
Stillrise@
I see your h is history lover too. I think they all are.
You can guess that I actually didn't plan to take part in this contest ... but the idea is so alluring.
My now ex informing me over the phone in the most tragic voice she could muster, that she was seeing someone else:
''I know you love me but unfortunately someone else needed some of my love too...''
My husband is a recovering alcoholic. Last May, after four years of sobriety, he relapsed at a backyard barbecue at some friends' house. (He was extremely remorseful and hasn't relapsed since) He was supposed to pick up our NPD daughter from work that night, so when I realized he was drunk, it was up to me to drive her. He came with me. Once she was in the car, he explained to her that the reason I was driving was because he slipped up and got drunk.
An hour later, a guy that my husband used to sponsor in AA texted him and said "A little birdie told me that I should check up on you. Is everything ok?"
He asked if I had told anyone. Of course not! The only other person in the entire world that knew of his relapse was NPD daughter. It turns out that she went to high school with this man's daughter, and his daughter found out my husband had relapsed... on SNAPCHAT.
The next day, I confronted her.
Me: Did you post on social media that dad relapsed?
Her: No.
Me: Are you sure? Because [the gentleman] contacted Dad, and the only other person that knew about it was me and you.
Her: I posted a video of MYSELF crying on Snapchat, that's all.
Me: Well, [the gentleman]'s daughter goes to your school, and she saw it on Snapchat and informed her Dad.
Her: That's not my fault.
Me: How is that not your fault? You're the person who disclosed an incredibly private family issue.
Her: That b*tch should have kept her stupid mouth shut.
No apology. No ownership. It was simply not her fault. She didn't even recognize the extreme irony in her statement about the girl keeping her mouth shut.
To carry on the alcoholics theme.
My uPD alcoholic husband made a drum roll announcement today that he was going to stop drinking. I might have given it more credibility had he not been chugging down a large brandy with his breakfast at the time!
So this just happened,
uPDmom: how many days do you have to watch someone's house before you know they moved out?
Me: you don't.
I should point out that it was about one of my neighbours that neither of us knows or has anything to do with. She just hates that my neighbours dare to live in their homes and go out in their yards within her field of vision.
Been away for a while, good to see this is still going..... Have been n/c with PD for 8 months out of the blue voice mail....
PD: Congratulations on your baby.
To my knowledge I have not had a baby, have no idea where she came up with this.
PD: For the love of GOD, you need to do some laundry!
4 hours later......
PD: Do you have any idea how many loads of laundry you've done? You're washing too much clothes!
PD: I need to move by the 1st of the year!
Me: You're unemployed and have no money. How are you going to do that?
Going on my 24th hour of silent treatment.
I have something similar...
stbx put into the mediation agreement that he will be moved out and his house will be listed on the first of the month. He also put in that "whiteheron will be responsible for 50% of the upkeep until the house is sold." :blink:
He's already bought his new house. Old house isn't listed. He hasn't started packing. Month is almost over.
I'm filing this one under "not my problem."
Just an aside - he doesn't need to move, he used to walk around proclaiming he would "die in this house," so I'm not sure why he's determined to move. Since he's not being forced to move, not sure why he would suggest I need to be responsible for 50% of the upkeep, esp when he makes gobs of $$ and I'm barely scraping by.
Yesterday...
uPDmom: why did all you kids pick abusive spouses?!
Me: ........
uPDmom: I mean, I want to know why you, your sis, and your youngest bro thought these people were so great only to get abused by them!
Me: .... I don't think you want the answer to that...
uPDmom: I want to know WHY! I taught you kids better than that!
Me: ...I don't know what to tell you. :whistling: ...
Wow.... I wasn't expecting that.
uNPDh suddenly - "Are you going to water them or just let them die?"
Interpretation - "Fae, I noticed you bought some plants for Autumn color outside by the front door. They look great! I saw that they don't have plastic saucers for catching drainage. Should I pick some up for you?"
The interpretation took about five minutes of gently asking for more information. The answer is no saucers as he waters plants literally to death or, as I told him, "feel free to measure them and pick up some saucers" knowing that if I sound positive about it he won't do it. I planned to toss them in early December anyway. And yes, I am watering them as needed.
He once watered A DEAD PLANT FOR TWO YEARS because it would "come back." It died because it was an annual color plant that he neglected for two weeks in high heat but would have died in a few weeks anyway. I choose to laugh when I can.
I believe my uPDmom is currently still dating my youngest brothers dad, but she claims they've broken up he just hasn't accepted it yet. (She hasn't told him)
A few days ago....
uPDmom: you know, I'm more scared of my ex than you are of yours! Nothing against you, I'm just saying!
Me: .... ??? :???: ??? ....
uPDmom: it's because my ex has a friend, whose sister works for the government! He can get her to spy on me or mess with my social assistance whenever he wants!
Me: :roll: .... yeah kay whatever....
uPDmom: NO REALLY!! She's the reason you've been getting more money recently! (It was actually because my ex started paying child support) He could destroy my life!
Me: .... Uh huh..... (Starts getting busy with chores to escape this nonsense, which works)
This is her minimizing my situation and catastrophisizing hers. I was literally afraid my ex was going to kill us while we slept, just before I fled to the shelter.
The friend's sister? Just a secretary at her work. It's not even the government.... Yeesh.... :roll:
Pd: 'WHY HAVEN'T YOU POLISHED YOUR BOOTS. YOU JUST WANT TO MAKE ME ANGRY!!!'
I'm nearly fifty. He was furious that my leather boots weren't shiny.
PD (in a letter from his L to mine): whiteheron continues to sign the kids up for activities without my knowledge or consent. I am paying for these activities without having any say! I would allow the kids to do these activities if only whiteheron would ask me about them first!
Me: looking at the receipt and charge on my credit card statement for kids' activities (stbx has paid for nothing).
Me: looking at text thread where stbx gave the :like: to said activities (which all occur on my time).
SMH.
this topic has been locked for length-
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https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?action=post;topic=77446.80;last_msg=719992
xxredshoesxx